Your Children are not your Retirement Fund!

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Avatar for Eirolfeam2
3 years ago

The other day, I come across a Facebook post saying that "Your Children are not your Retirement Fund."

("You will lift us out of poverty.")

I paused for a second and thought that I couldn't agree more with this statement.

You probably may be thinking that having this kind of mindset is being a little disrespectful and ungrateful towards the people who brought you into this world, who took care of you from the day you were born until you were able to find a good-paying job that could suffice your needs and wants already.

But I think that it's toxic to think that way because that's not how it is.

Elon Musk once said in an interview,

"My children didn’t choose to be born. I chose to have children. They owe me nothing, I owe them everything.”

Parents wanted to have their own fruits of love that's why they did what they did. And it is their responsibility and obligation to feed them, clothe them, give them a shelter, give them proper education, and provide them the things they need and want because they choose to have them.

And even if some would say that they didn't plan to have one, they should have been aware and knowledgeable enough that if they do something in bed, it will probably lead to pregnancy.

Children doesn't owe anything to their parents and it is true because whatever they are giving and doing for us, it is a part of their responsibility as parents. Some children also never wanted to be born in the first place.

In the Philippines and even to other family households from foreign countries, it has become a part of the culture where the children are expected to provide the needs and wants of their parents and other younger siblings after they graduate from college and find sources of income.

Why? Because it's payback time. It's time to repay the sacrifices of the parents for doing exactly what they needed to do in raising the children they made. It's as if you are now going to pay the debt of gratitude that you will keep paying for until the day you die. You become a bank that will keep giving money, even if you don't have it or you don't want to, because it is in your destiny since you were born to become a retirement fund of your parents. Because if you don't work and provide for their needs and wants, the society, and even the parents, would think that they raised an ungrateful child.

And I beg to disagree because, again, you owe nothing to your parents. You were born not because you wanted to, but because they wanted to.

Children shouldn't be treated as a retirement fund because they have their own lives and own future to think of too. Soon enough, they will have their own families and own kids to take good care of, which will give them bigger expenses.

Instead, parents should also prepare for their own retirement fund so they can live their lives without any worries if their children won't be able to provide for their needs, or if they will continue giving them money for their needs or not.

However, it is not the same case to other parents as some were really just trying to live life making both ends meet. And children in these families don't just need to double their hard work, but they need to exert triple effort for their parents, for their present selves, and for their future.

Yes, children should not become the retirement fund of their parents, and they should not be obliged to pay back all of the sacrifices they gave while raising them, or even hold the responsibilities they did against their children. However, it is greatly appreciated if children will take good care of their parents like how they did to them when they were still younger. Children should not feel obliged to pay back to their parents and shouldn't seem like their neck is being entangled.

It is natural for children to love their parents and giving back to them is just easy if they will do it from the heart.

I am not yet a parent and is not planning to be one in the distant future (Oh come on, let me find a boyfriend first. Hahaha!), but I want to end this toxic cycle with me. I don't want my future children to feel burdened as if I will only raise them to become my retirement fund once I get old and have saggy skin.

I want my future children to work hard and enjoy the fruits of their labors the way they want to. If they will give back to me, thank you so much. But if they will choose to keep it to themselves, I will totally understand.

If you are a parent already or is planning to have a child soon, please don't take this article against me. I'm just trying to express my thoughts about this matter and I hope you learned a thing or two.

Thank you for reading!

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Avatar for Eirolfeam2
3 years ago

Comments

Well !ay !ga ganyan talagang parents, they think that if my child finished her/ his study then he will pay for what I've done. Like what? To pay? So what you have done, is my huge debt from you? Your right tou know, I don't agree also saying that you will lift us out of poverty. Ahhh a good and educated parents willnever tell that to their children. Nono!

$ 0.02
3 years ago

Madaming ganyang parents and it's toxic to their children. Not healthy. 🤧

$ 0.00
3 years ago

This is so true. This is one of the Filipino family ideals that we seemed to normalized. As a child, I once felt the pressure after graduating college because I really like to achieve my goals in a one-shot process so I could help my family. I was struggling to myself but I can't tell my parents that I am not ready to provide yet. Only then, they found out what Iw as thinking. They never said to me, "You work hard to help the family and lift our status". It was just me because all along it was what I believe what a graduate child should do. With that I stopped pressuring myself and I focus on achieving my goals for myself. There's no more pressure because I realized as a child, the way of helping my family is no longer an obligation and a responsibility for me but my prerogative to show my love to my family.

$ 0.02
3 years ago

I get your point too. If children will think that it is their responsibility, they will be pressured about it. But if it comes from the heart, it won't feel like carrying huge baggage. Anyway, we should focus first on achieving our goals.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

That qoutes is the only thing I love from Elon Musk 😁✌

Tama nga naman di natin pinili na ipanganak, karamihan kasi sa mga parents akala nila lahat ng ginawa nila para sa anak nila ay may kabayaran. Masakit isipin na yon madalas natin marinig, Anak ikaw ang mag aahon samin paglaki mo. But I feel bless dahil diko yon naramdaman sa parents ko kahit isang kahig isang tuka lang kami

$ 0.02
3 years ago

Totoo po. Isusumbat nila ung mga sakripisyo nila eh responsibilidad naman nila un. 🤧

$ 0.00
3 years ago

At the first place kasalanan nmn nila sila may gawa niahaha joke

$ 0.00
3 years ago

That mindset na "magtatapos sa hirap" is already a negative sign. Kaya lang as a child, naging responsibility narin natin kasi dahil narin sa words na "utang naloob" natin sa kanila. Kaya minsan yung naka focus nalang sa ating isipan is yung makabawi sa kanila sa lahat ng nagawa nila sa'tin

$ 0.02
3 years ago

Yang utang na loob na toxic culture din kasi talaga ang dahilan. Hindi naman masama na magkaroon ng utang na loob, lalo na kung sa mga magulang, pero kung mapagmalabis na, hindi na tama.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

I agree of this ,as a parents gagawin namin ang lahat para sa mga anak namin makapagtapos sila ng pag aaral para kapag wala na kami ng asawa ko hindi maghihirap sila and when the time na mag asawa na sila hindi sila mahirapan kasi may maganda silang trabaho .

$ 0.02
3 years ago

Aww. That's good to know po. Hope all parents think that way.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

But it sounds good to say: live off your parents until you can live off your children. hahaha. Everything is a cultural process, in low income families, one of the children was always sacrificed, the eldest had to be responsible for the younger ones and work for it, the youngest has to take care of the elderly parents. My opinion: it is not necessary to have your children as a piggy bank, if you have done a good job in their upbringing and have taken them in the right direction, their happiness will be your happiness, their success will be yours.

$ 0.02
3 years ago

That's true. If parents raised their children the right way, children will naturally give back and take good care of them without them asking for it.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Well said, I'm thinking the same as yours. That's what I'm always telling my cousins. It's fine to give back from your heart but it's not your responsibility to be a retirement fund of your parents. But if that thought leaks to all of the Marites around the Barangay, surely they will take it against you because that's one of their toxic traits.

$ 0.02
3 years ago

Hahaha! Oh those walking CCTVs. Lols 🤧

$ 0.00
3 years ago

May mga parents na Ang gusto Nila ay makatapos sa pag aaral Ang kanilang mga anak pero may mga parents din na inuubliga Nila Ang kanilang mga anak na mag suporta sa kanila pagdating Ng panahon na sila ay matatanda na , Masuwerte lang ako Kasi walang ganung mindset Ang mga parents ko katwiran Nila ginawa na Nila Ang kanilang obligation as a parent's Kung magkatrabaho daw kami magkakapatid nasa sa amin na lang daw yun Kung magbigay kami Ng suporta o hindi Ang impotante daw nasa mabuti kaming lalagyan.

$ 0.02
3 years ago

Aww. That's good to know that your parents have that mindset. Hope all. 😹

$ 0.00
3 years ago

I totally beg to differ. While it is wrong to feel entitled to care from ones children, children do and will always owe it to their parents to care for them in their days of need and old age

$ 0.02
3 years ago

It is natural for children to care for their parents once they are already old because that's their way of showing their love for them.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Children is not their responsibility to be a retirement fund to their parents. Parents it's their responsibility to give a support to their children.

Children's having their own lives too in the future but it's our initiative to give them a good life. We want them to be happy and having a healthy living since they are the people who really important to us...

$ 0.02
3 years ago

Ehe! If only parents would think that way.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

I am of the opinion to help my parents with whatever I can but parents should be sure to have an investment planned for retirement, many people struggle to feed their families in our country, so putting one's parent in the budget too is not going to be good enough but that doesn't mean we should also not take care of our old parents

$ 0.02
3 years ago

I agree with that too. Parents should plan their retirement so that they won't be a burden to their children, but of course, as good children, we should also help our parents.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

I agree with you that children should not feel indebted to their parents and have no obligation to do anything, but I also feel responsible to my parents who give me life and take all my responsibility. My dad is not an Elon Musk! It is easy for someone who has secured his own life economically to talk about such matters. I am responsible to my parents not because they want it, but because I want it, and I will always have time for them when they are getting old and need me. They are not in the structure to force me for this anyway, but I think there are parents who act as if you are obligated. It is a difficult situation for them and their children.

$ 0.02
3 years ago

That's good to know that you would take responsibility for your parents because you want to, not because you feel obligated to do it. If only some parents wouldn't force their children to feel indebted towards them, children wouldn't have a hard time giving back to their sacrifices too.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

I don't think anyone who understands this post very well would disagree with you or take anything out against you because that's the truth there.

While growing up, there are a lot of pressure on fresh graduates here in Nigeria to take care of their parents. I am not saying it's bad but the motive behind it for most parent is wrong because they make you think they are doing you a favour by giving you the best of things so you can reward them when they are no longer in active service. The thinking behind it is wrong for these parents but the act of taking care of your parent is noble.

Most parents see their children as investment and it's wrong. As you have said, they had a choice to have children or not so it's the responsibility of every parent to fend for their ward. Your children will also have their own children to cater for. I totally enjoyed this.

$ 0.02
3 years ago

That's true. If only the motive of the parents were right in the first place, the children will reward them for their sacrifices without being asked to. It's just so sad that there are some parents who, while children are still studying, would as if writing a long list of debt and remind them to repay them once they graduate.

$ 0.02
3 years ago

That's so sad... It baffles me how parents would even be expecting money from their children even while being in school. The pressure alone makes these children do what they are not supposed to do.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

You don't know how much I support this article coming from an African household this has got to be the most constant thing that I have ever seen in our culture, more so if you are the eldest child, I fear that it's really hard for a firstborn to succeed because the parents believe once the first one starts earning that they should take care of the rest and literally leave the cost of tuition to him or her. it's crazy that a parent can literally tell you that I have brought you in this world and I can take you out of it if you don't cooperate with their demands, they can be controlling and demand a monthly portion of money every month, and I'm not saying that's bad per se I just feel like it's really not good if you as a parent solely depend on the child for everything. we should want our children to be free and financially independent as well as emotionally balanced.

$ 0.05
3 years ago

That's so true. First-born children become the breadwinners of the family, and the responsibility of their parents will be passed on to them once they find a job. This is why future parents should cut this cycle already as it's not really good.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

exactly first borns really have a rough time sometimes, actually most of the time

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Tama yung iba kasi jan iniisip nilang way para makaahon is yung anak nila ...well wag naman sana natin i judge yung parents na ganyan since di naman alam natin na fefeel nila since di naman tayo parents 🤣

$ 0.02
3 years ago

Hahahaha! Ginawang bangko para may mawithdraw ganun. 🤣 Sabagay din. Hahaha!

$ 0.00
3 years ago

I'm agree with you, For me I I want to finish my children's to study to see a better work someday, a better future. My retirement right now I prepared already my SSS ,if my children's will give me someday or not I'm happy because I have my own.

$ 0.02
3 years ago

Awww. That's good to know po. 💚

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Asawa muna raw ate bago mag-anak. Naalala ko tuloy yung sa post ni Donnalyn noon. Sabi ng isang netizen, bakit raw di pa siya magkaanak para raw may mag-a-alaga sa kaniya? And you have a same point po. Sa iba ko na lang iiinvest time ko, kapatid ko nga di ko maalagaan eh ahahha

$ 0.02
3 years ago

Ah. Oo. May nabasa din akong post niya about yan dati. Hahaha! Sameeee. Ung sarili nga di maalagaan ng tama eh, tapos mag-aanak pa. 🤣

$ 0.00
3 years ago