Hey readers, glad to have you back in this space. I'm sure you all know what familiarity is all about.
Let me make things clearer just in case of any doubt of emergence. Familiarity refers to you being so used to someone. A friend most especially. You are pretty damn free to do anything around that person (of cause, not every - every) you feel free to talk or air out your views just any time you feel like.
This type of familiarity is mostly termed as best friendship. It's a positive one actually. Where you can boast of a friend that got your back always. You could share things with and he/she could confide in you too.
It's just so amazing if you do have a best friend.
But wait!
What about over Familiarity? I'll tell you.
Over familiarity., Just as the name implies, refers to when you are overly familiar with someone. This is not just you being in a friendzone only., But when it seems like someone knows so much about you.
It isn't always a great idea when over-familiarity has to step into most of your relationships or friendships with people. Because, it could ruin it in the long run, definitely it would!
When you get overly familiar with people, you lose your self-respect to them.
__They begin to take you for granted.
This is what Nigerians term "see finish"!
__They wouldn't appreciate your little efforts.
__They could even go to the extent of saying some kinds of stuff about you in public that they originally shouldn't have.
Why?
Because they felt they probably knew you too much.
They felt they have "seen you finish"
They felt they could do anything they want to, and because of familiarity sake., You will always welcome it.
Over familiarity is just so bad because it could pave way for a lot of ill-treatments from your overly familiar friends to you.
__ you will be eventually taken advantage of!
Yes!, I meant every bit of what I said earlier.
In the course of your friendships with people, at some point, they will need you helping them in one way or the other of which you would oblige to.
Now, when you willingly decide to help them each time they need your help, you are giving them a bad signal you will soon regret.
I'm a love advocate, and I believe in giving out to people. This is what I learned personally from my numerous and little encounters too.
Now firstly, giving isn't bad as I stated earlier. But giving someone that assurance that you will always be available to "help out no matter what" isn't so advisable. Exceptions to your partner, family member, or best friend.
A mere friend shouldn't always enjoy these privileges too often. Sometimes, when you are called upon to help., It is okay to say "No" and be firm about it. It's your assistance and it's your right.
Help them when you feel a nudge to.
Help them when you are capable of doing so. But still., Don't always do it in a way that you arouse certain "I am always there" mentality in them.
If you can't completely say "No" when you feel the little bit of asking are too much for you. You could help solve 40% of their problems and leave 60% to them. Or vise versa when you feel they are unable to.
It's best that way!
This is because, the person in question will have an understanding that you are a good person, and you help when you have. And when you are unable to do so, they will understand that you can't. Because you tell them "No" politely at times.
But if you feel the demands are too much and you don't know how to put a stop to it ., Just know that you are within the claws of over-familiarity.
As regards this,
__you wouldn't mind hurting really hard just to keep pleasing.
Really toxic!
In as much as you are friends with someone., You both have problems to solve. Your life is your responsibility and you take care of it., So they should take care of their problems too.
But If out of your godly mind you decide to help out., Don't let that be on a regular basis.
Don't do it to the extent you are tired and you can't put a stop to it.
There is a difference between helping and being taken advantage of.
Yes! There is.
When you help and you are tired of helping., Please stop. It's best you don't help at all, then help with grudges.
__Dont let people play with your emotions into doing things you don't feel like doing for them.
You are being taken advantage of.
__Know when to say a "NO" and keep to it. It's one of your most basic rights as a human.
__Do things because you feel like, don't let anyone cajole you, if not, it's a waste of time and resources especially when you are being overly forced to do so in the case of helping.
Giving out help should be done willingly because it is a thing of the heart. It becomes of no use when you are forced to help., And still, feel bad about helping. Then it isn't of the essence.
A lot of us are victims of over Familiarity and its negative effects because of the soft and tender nature and heart we have got. I was a victim too. Good thing I'm liberated.
I would give you a few wisdom nuggets of getting rid of it, if in any.
If you aren't a victim too., Just keep them in your backpack and save them for the future just in case.
Here we go!
__Always have this mentality.,
✓Not everyone is your friend.
✓Not everyone deserves to know the real you. Some just have to get familiar with the social media you., That's all!
✓Don't be too quick to get comfortable around just everyone the passes by, extending a hand of friendship.
✓Not everyone can handle your secrets when told to them. So better still, keep them to yourself and your God.
Get acquainted with all of these.
__Dont brag about your finances to people!!!!
This alone has all the capacity to land you into a lot of charity depts.
✓When people have a hint that you make a lot, or you are well to do., Or even average, or the least notwithstanding.,
¶ Get ready to offer free financial help to them even when you don't want to.
Of course, you can't say you don't have money, to the very soul you told of the credit alert you received last week, and are to receive this week too. Or the fact that you get paid at a particular time of the year.
✓ When this kind of friendship which isn't necessary is established., You will be getting shocker news on a daily basis.
How an emergency dept arose and he/she is too bankrupt to pay.,
How his mom/dad/partner/sibling swallowed cutlass or penknife and need a quick deposit to begin treatment.
Now., I'm not saying you shouldn't help but., All of these would have never been your utmost concern in the first place. Even if it was meant to be., At least a little of it, not all these family problems ranging from A to Z.
But because you felt too comfortable to the extent of discussing your financial status with someone you taught you knew., Now, you have been turned to a money bank, and the surest funds plug by still that same trusted friend of yours.
Think!
__Define all your Relationship with people.
Not everyone deserves to be close to you., Too close to you., Or be closest to you.
__Place core boundaries.
Let people know the kind of person you are, the kind of conversations you welcome. Most times, it's best people see you as a Strong-minded and serious person even if you aren't. That way it will save you from a lot of losses and others.
Above all, it till help you avoid "see finish" or over Familiarity. Because people can never be able to pinpoint your next plan or agenda.
There is a lot to over Familiarity., But I guess I've been able to enlighten you more on it.
Please put to use all you just read., It will save you a lot.
Signed out! @Ebizz publishment 8 Oct 2021
Over familiarity can surely kill a group. No matter how close you are to each other, it is still important to maintain your boundaries and limitations.