A sad teenager story

Hello wonderful people of readcash, its another raining day in my city, it been so cold here, though i havent been active recently on readcash and I hope to change also to seek your forgiveness, I hope we had a wonderful night rest? Mine was cool and presently it still raining which made the weather so cool, wishing you all the best day ever. Now back to my topic

My experience has a teenager wasn't really a good one especially right from my junior secondary school 2, I'm not much of a social person, I find it difficult to make friends, or start a conversation, it got worst that even if I make friends it either I get bullied or we fight, reason for fight is that I decided not to bend to their will, I attended a girls only school, so we all equal except for difference in class

It got to a point I regretted having some friends because it affected my academic, I'm a lonely girl that want friends right, I seek for attention but that doesn't mean I would go around talking to everyone, I had a reputation of keeping to myself in junior class.

At a point, I couldn't focus and my parent were not helping, all I do is cry and keep calm, I never allowed anyone see my weakness because I know I would be exploited, to God be the glory I got promoted into senior secondary school 1, while I was in senior class, I thought that I was the end of rejection, little did I know I was just beginning. 😢😢

When I talk, no one wants to listen, I began to ask myself question like, when you talk, do say rubbish that make people not want to listen to me, I then decided to stop talking, all I do is to listen so what people say and mind my business.

During break time, I go the library to sit and read some books, talk to my librarian, I told him the issue I was facing because I had no one to talk to, I have no one at home I can talk to also and since I needed someone to talk to, he became my friend and then I started smiling again, I can say I was a sadist because I don't laugh, it got to time I was so depressed I asked a girl in my church "am I not beautiful" "don't I look good" and the reason for asking such questions was because teenagers my age then already having boyfriends, all the girls I know had boyfriends they talk about, and the Male teenagers I decided to be friends with never for once asked me out probably because I have no shape nor boobs, laughable right? with all this, I believe I will never be loved by anyone, not even my parents so I had to become secretive with them.

After my senior secondary school exam, I was unable to make all my papers at once, the fire in me increased, all I could do was cry, my mom wasn't helping, although she believes she is doing the right thing, everywhere I go, all I do is to cry, I felt God had forsaken me, to the point that I almost committed Suicide, (Suicide is never a way out and it isn't the right way) then I had to talk to myself.

Then I decided to focus more on my studies, while doing that I moved closer to God, I got registered into a (NGO) Non governmental organizations, I was among the fifty second secondary schools graduate that was chosen for the program, we were thought a lot of things, after that, things started changing for me, I met different people, then I saw life in different way, I was opportune to learn a trade for a year while waiting for my examination results, my mummy was still harsh on me, she will say things like "see you brother, he is doing better then you, why can't you turn a new leave, do you want to waste my money or do you want me to spend in vain.....etc" she says these things because I was not doing well in my academic, and it not like I choose to behave that way or be like that, but I guess she didn't understand me or know to well .

To cut the long story short, I'm in my final year in kwara state polytechnic, a public polytechnic, I'm living my best life with good friends left and right, I would finish my higher institutions soon. I'm so grateful for life and I'm glad I didn't take my life then, so I would like to thank @FashTioluwa for introducing to this platform.