@Bilqees
Making the first move towards reconciliation Most times, it's quite an uphill task to move forward with reconciliation especially when you believe that it's the other person that's at fault. I find it rather burdensome to continue to bear grudges against someone else. If that person is someone that I meet or see on a regular basis such as a friend, colleague or neighbor, then i don't see how possible i is for me to continue to harbor malice against him or her. It absolutely doesn't make any sense. Thank God I'm far from being a narcissist. Waiting for the other person to apologize to you is not always a good idea especially when such a person has an ego problem. So, the reconciliation might never happen. No doubt, some people have a low tolerance level and this makes them to easily get overwhelmed after passing through an unusual difficult situation. This could come in the form of losing a pet, losing an appotunity or having to cope with a terrible divorce or a difficult exam. In such cases, a friend, colleague or partner who is under such emotional stress could unknowingly yell or snap at you at the flimsiest reason which could lead to a quarrel. Even after coming to realize how badly they had behaved, they might not be humble enough or might be probably ashamed to apologise. In some cases, they could be blinded by pride. You wouldn't blame them though, humans could sometimes have such an inflatable ego especially when they feel bitter about a situation they considered unfair. Taking the first step towards reconciliation even if you are not the one at fault does not mean throwing your dignity or self-worth away. It shows that you are more matured and reasonable since you have already understood that the other person isn't perfect and you are willing to forgive them even before they asked. This further proves that you have a stronger mind than the majority of the population. It wouldn't also be a bad idea if you specifically apologize for any inappropriate words you had used during the argument and leave the rest for their conscience to reflect upon. Such apology would go a long way in teaching them humility and patience. The longer you hold on to anger towards a person, then the more you tend to remember some hidden but insignificant flaws in that person due to the resentment you have for them at that time. The past little mistakes or errors about that person that you considered too trivial to bother about would start to occupy your mind. You subconsciously allow these negative impressions about the other person to dominate your mind and the resentment grows. This is because you have stopped focusing on the beautiful things that made your friendship with them. This negative energy messes up your psyche and drains valuable mental strength. Soon, you start to feel twinges of excitement whenever you hear some bad news about that individual. Later you subconsciously begin to wish for worse stuffs to happen to them. Things you would never thought or wish for them in the past. And that's what you get when you harbor malice against a friend. There would always be enough room in your heart for the devil to dance again . In the absence of a crushing betrayal, I have observed that most friendship and relationships grow stronger after disagreement or conflicts involving mere words. This is because both parties would afterward assessed the situation properly and what triggered it. This would definitely help to know how to better handle such issues whenever they arise again in the future. Mutual respect is further developed between both individual as they grow fonder of each other. We should never give the devil the opportunity to destroy us or our friends. By the way "life's too fickle to hold grudges". There's no better time for a reconciliation than now . We never know what would be the fate of the other person tomorrow. ******************************* Thanks for reading . Thank you sponsors 🙏🙏 Special thanks to my newest sponsor @TheGuy . I really appreciate the trust bestowed on me.
35 comments
You said it very well, dear Bilqees, I completely agree with you. The persistence of such violence and resentment hurts us. And I think they should be fixed before it is too late. But sometimes the other side is the one who always expects you, waits for you to step forward, and when you go for reconciliation, he bothers you again in a different way the next day. In this way, people will never stop harassing and breaking our hearts. What to do with these people?
We just have to give them time dear Ellen. Sooner than later, they would come to realize what they have been missing. And it my be too late then
When it comes to apologizing, one person has to lay down his ego for the sake of another, if both of them aren't ready to do that, then there's no reconciliation. Thanks for ironing out the step by step procedure of reconciliation. The most important of them all is letting go of your ego.
That's true chief.. too much pride could really make easy things seem very bad.
Excellent choice of words by the way and this what my religion also teaches. To let go of anger and ego and try to be the first to take step towards reconciliation
Yea. I remember that Hadith too. As a matter of fact, it was my favorite and the easiest for me to memorize 😁... Nice meeting you raheela
Nice meeting you too dear
The first move towards reconciliation is not easy. It's hard for those who have ego and pride to forgive. Even you made the first move, they could not appreciate it. But you don't have obligation anymore if they will not accept your forgiveness.
Good point dear... It could happen that way too out of pride. The best thing to do is to let go and give them time. Sooner or later they might realise their folly and come around. If they don't, then it's their loss
The last part said it all. Howbeit if the person dies the next day with that feeling. The other person will feel guilt always. Most times it's difficult to initiate peace when you know the other person is at fault but we just have to do it TO KEEP THE MIND FREE
That's true. And believe me, you'd be glad you did afterwards
Being the initiator of reconciliation requires courage and strength. I congratulate you on your ability and awareness, my dear. Not everyone is capable of that.
Thanks alot my good doctor.
It's really hard though, to be the first person that would go; asking for reconciliation. But then, you're completely and totally right, it's better to be initiate a conversation that would lead to a reconciliation. Holding unto grudges is just so bad.
That's true dear. The other person would even come to respect you more as you have proved that you are more emotionally intelligent
It's really somehow when I have to be the one making the move to reconcile all the time. Every one no matter their ego problem should be able to apologize every once in a while cos truth is we are all humans and are prone to the same likelihood to snap at anytime so no one should feel more bothered and hence demand apologies from others that they can't give. Personally I hate keeping malice with friends but if you refuse to see your wrong even after I make it plain then I'm not sure I want to remain friends with someone who can't say sorry when they should.
I understand where you coming from. especially when that person is fond of pushing you to the wall. In such a case, it's better to let them be.
I know people in all the different group. Myself, I find it hard to see my wrong in an active argument, but once the steam lets, I usually take it well and apologize when I'm wrong
That's maturity sir
Would you agree that apologising and reconciling are two different things? One can apologise for being wrong, especially when they see it. But one can reconcile without necessarily apologising, especially if they don't see their wrong in the matter, but don't want to keep malice.
Hmm. I thought about this for a while. Such people could also be manipulative. Nonetheless we could be able to spot a genuine reconciliation/apology based on the person's actions nor inactions afterwards
Fascinating. But I don't think I understand how that can be manipulation
When one reconcile without apologising just like how you said. It's done half heartedly and it means that the grudges are still there, isn't it
Not necessarily, one could mean a reconciliation but not apologosing because one wasn't in the wrong and the other person is too big to apologise
Truly, holding a negative thought against a person you once like, instead of talking your pain to that person, it would cause you to grow hatred for that person. I'm sure after you have said your mind, and the person refuse to change, when you see the person, your mind will be free, especially when you're the first to apologized, if the person comes back apologizing, it would be easy to forgive
That's true. That's how matters care handled with maturity
I can relate to this. This echoes what happened yesterday. We all have different understanding and patience. Some have more and some less. Also, those who have less are the ones who are more sensitive and prone to burst out. Sometimes we think they have more pride but I'd like to believe that they are only misunderstood.
That's true. Such people are also quite prone to anger which they mask as strength. But the truth is that they are emotionally weak and it's our duty to understand such loved ones
There's a reason why we feel what we feel and react to it especially if we can't express in words.
Indeed my friend showing reconciliation does mean you are not smart but shows that you are indeed mature 👏👏
That's true Capt.
People that are the first to reconcile are really great but it's not for someone like me. The truth is that if you are always the one that try to reconcile after the other person has wronged you, then it will inevitably lead to a situation where the other person will always walk over you because they know you will reconcile, it increase their ego. Friendship/relationship is not a one-way street, both parties have to put in the same amount of energy and it becomes bad if only one side is pushing, it won't be balanced. If someone wronged you and they truly value the friendship you have, then they won't have a problem apologizing and reconciling first. Me personally I don't like apologizing when it's actually the other person that is at fault, yes I have high self-esteem (or call it ego 😆)
Lol. There's nothing wrong in what you just said so. You know" if you give Human being none mile, they tend to walk two miles. If you allow them, they would turn it to allowance ", sam loco of blessed memory said 😆
Exactly o. I have too much respect for myself to be gratifying to anybody, I don too learn my lesson
It's not good to hold grudges at all, it has a whole lot of bad ends. If you refuse to reconcile with someone all because you're feeling you don't want him/her to see you as a weakling, before you know, you'll begin to wish such person bad things. I have experienced this before, and that was when i was still a teenager, sincerely i wished her bad things oh! But thank God we later reconciled, and everything became bygone. Since then, i don't hold grudges anymore.