The Tattoo of Fear and Trauma

"We must send a message across the world that there is no disgrace in being a survivor of sexual violence. The shame is on the aggressor."

– Angelina Jolie

I highly agree with these words, I've witness a lot of personalities sharing their stories about their dark past. All of them were once a victim of sexual harassment, rape, and molestations. And what's more surprising and inspiring is that, they are raising awareness speaking in behalf of those who suffered the same circumstances and somehow shared their winning journey of how they overcome such traumatic experiences.

To tell you honestly, I was once a victim of this inhuman crime not once but multiple times. I was afraid to open up and preferred not to speak up with my parents for the reason that It might just cause a great commotion. I perceived silence as my only choice to be protected and safe. But I was wrong, no one should shut their mouth when it comes to this matter. Being “safe” should be defined and meant not as staying silent but instead, as speaking up and addressing situations like this is like breaking the chains of fear, trauma, and painful past.

A short testimony

The touch is like a tattoo (of trauma and fear)

A touch could change every women's lives, and we can't deny the fact that when a man touches your private body parts forcibly and intentionally, those harrowing memories will haunt you forever.

When I was just 11 years old, my mom often asked me to buy one bottle of gas in our neighborhood, because that time we are experiencing constant black out and we need to use a lamp powered by gas when the night comes which will served as our lights. One day, I was calling out to Nanay Tasing (neighbor) to buy 1 gallon of gas but she was not around however their house was open, so I immediately went inside to check if she was really there or not, and then uncle Berto suddenly came up and walk straight to me while extending his arms as if he wants to grab something, so what I did was I handed out my money to pay for the gas but unexpectedly he touched my chest and was about to kiss me, I was startled and stunned by what he did so I ran and went home quickly. My mom noticed that I was shaking in fear and I was covered with sweats, she asked me what happened but I just told her "nothing". I was really in total shock and it took me three years before I spoke to my parents about it. They scolded me for not telling them the truth and at the same time they pitied me for carrying such a heavy burden and keeping it for a long time.

My Father's younger Brother attempts to rape me

I know that this is quite confidential but there's no need to worry because it was already been settled. This happens when I was just 8 years old, I always visit my grandmother every weekend and play with their dogs. Kuya Jorge (not his real name, youngest) who was 16 years old that time was very clingy and loves to be close with me. One time, he invited me to enter his room while enticing me that there's a lot of toys there and told me that he will give it to me for free. So I unhesitatingly followed him on his room to find out what's in there, but he slowly closed the door and push me to his bed while saying "Take off your clothes". I was shocked and can't barely move because of fear. I started to cry and called my mom, and fortunately my grandmother came up to check what's happening, and yes she witnessed our situation, my grandma immediately grab me and was trying to comfort me to stop from crying out loud. After a minute she hit and beat Kuya Jorge because of misbehaving like that. What's more heartbreaking is that, she concealed that incident to my parents and told me not to say a word to them. I just simply obeyed her and since then I didn't visited them for 5 years. I opened this matter to my parents when I reached 16 years of age, obviously they got mad and in complete rage of knowing such devastating truth, my dad was extremely disappointed by his younger brother but instead of hurting him physically he settled it in a calm manner and Kuya Jorge apologized to me. Although it's been settled already but those memories will never be forgotten and it leaves a painful mark in my mind and heart, knowing that I can no longer trust them.

Closing Thoughts

I really regret of being voiceless for a long time, and actually those are just few of my traumatic experiences when it comes to that matter. I was ashamed to tell it to everyone because I might receive mixed feedbacks and criticisms, but now I don't need to be afraid of, instead I will raised awareness and make this as my living testimony to those women who suffered the same thing. Forgiving and moving on is easier said than done, yet those are the only choices we should earn and do. Vengeance can only make things worse, so we better have to surrender and let God do that duty.

"Silence is what keeps victims of all types from escaping guilt and shame. Silence is what gives some people permission to do the things that they know are inappropriate. Taking action, on the other hand, is the only way to create the change you wish to see in the world. It can be scary, it can be uncomfortable, and, no, it might always work—but it’s the only opportunity we have to create a better future."

By ANONYMOUS

So SPEAK UP!

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Sayonara!

All images are taken from facebook.com

Credits to the rightful owner.