Mutual Attraction
As humans, individual differences have played a fair part in our survival and evolution as a species. If we all liked the same thing, that would pose problem which could lead to our very end. But this is no article about evolution; well, not in the practical sense. I am writing this as a way of expressing my thoughts on what has been a topic of conversation. Mutual attraction.
Earlier today I was going through conversations in one of the groups I am in on WhatsApp, and that was how I got the idea of writing this. The conversation had started from the talk about a trend on Twitter Nigeria yesterday the 'Bestie' trend. In summary, it was about a guy sharing his experience about how he wooed a girl for months only for her to turn him down. According to him, he genuinely liked her and did everything he could, but it didn't work out because she didn't say yes. Only for her to be in a relationship with another guy barely a month later.
When I asked him if he was sure that he was her type, he had responded in a way that gave the impression he found my question offensive. Well, I had to ask that because I felt he didn't care to ask the lady in question and assumed he was.
As ordinary as it may seem, I always ask a girl I have interest in the question because I really don't want to waste my time barking the wrong tree. A lot of people erroneously assume that because so-so and so liked them, they are automatically everyone's type. Or because they feel they are beautiful or handsome, they are everyone's spec.
I believe for a relationship to be sustainable, everything including the attraction has to be mutual. I can understand someone and trust them but I don't think I would ever be in a romantic relationship with them if there was no attraction, more so an attraction that isn't mutual. Or can you?
You can be the most beautiful person and still not everyone will be attracted to you. In fact, you can be nice and everything good and the person you like likes another person who is probably your opposite. It is absolutely normal. Not just are we different in genetic makeup and its expression, we are also different in preferences: likes and dislikes.
I wouldn't expect a girl to accept the advances of a guy who isn't her type. It is true a lot of people believe that you can grow to love someone or grow to become attracted to them. That is a gamble I don't think I am willing to take. Leaving something so important to chance is too high a risk for me to take. Now, let me quickly clarify that I am not saying with certainty that it is impossible to become attracted to someone you were never attracted to, that is possible.
There are times you see someone for the first time and you feel attracted to them. There are also times that this attraction takes time to form. Perhaps you just caught them in your line of sight and the angle made them look good and attractive. Or you started having conversations and you realise that they have qualities you find attractive. What I am saying with certainty is that I cannot start a romantic relationship with someone I am not attracted to or that the attraction isn't mutual.
That is why I believe two friends can become attracted to each other over the course of their friendship and even start to develop feelings. But this is often kept a secret because they don't want to ruin the friendship or maybe the other person is in a relationship wherein they are genuinely happy. I honestly think you shouldn't be friends with the opposite sex if they are not someone you could spend your life with, I don't mean you must be sexually attracted to your friend or have romantic feelings for them. What I mean is that for you to be friends with someone, you two must share a mutual understanding, trust, and affection the difference between a romantic relationship and friendship is the romance. But that is a talk for another time.
In conclusion, always be sure you're your spec's spec 😅 instead of just assuming. That you're attractive doesn't mean everyone is attracted to you. Neither does someone being nice to you mean they are attracted to you.
Thank You For Reading 🖤🖤
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I have once fallen in love with someone over the course of being friends but I just have to keep and hold the feelings to myself because I might eventually destroy the friendship and also not get to be in a relationship with her