Mutual Attraction

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Written by
2 years ago

As humans, individual differences have played a fair part in our survival and evolution as a species. If we all liked the same thing, that would pose problem which could lead to our very end. But this is no article about evolution; well, not in the practical sense. I am writing this as a way of expressing my thoughts on what has been a topic of conversation. Mutual attraction.

Earlier today I was going through conversations in one of the groups I am in on WhatsApp, and that was how I got the idea of writing this. The conversation had started from the talk about a trend on Twitter Nigeria yesterday the 'Bestie' trend. In summary, it was about a guy sharing his experience about how he wooed a girl for months only for her to turn him down. According to him, he genuinely liked her and did everything he could, but it didn't work out because she didn't say yes. Only for her to be in a relationship with another guy barely a month later.

When I asked him if he was sure that he was her type, he had responded in a way that gave the impression he found my question offensive. Well, I had to ask that because I felt he didn't care to ask the lady in question and assumed he was.

As ordinary as it may seem, I always ask a girl I have interest in the question because I really don't want to waste my time barking the wrong tree. A lot of people erroneously assume that because so-so and so liked them, they are automatically everyone's type. Or because they feel they are beautiful or handsome, they are everyone's spec.

I believe for a relationship to be sustainable, everything including the attraction has to be mutual. I can understand someone and trust them but I don't think I would ever be in a romantic relationship with them if there was no attraction, more so an attraction that isn't mutual. Or can you?

You can be the most beautiful person and still not everyone will be attracted to you. In fact, you can be nice and everything good and the person you like likes another person who is probably your opposite. It is absolutely normal. Not just are we different in genetic makeup and its expression, we are also different in preferences: likes and dislikes.

I wouldn't expect a girl to accept the advances of a guy who isn't her type. It is true a lot of people believe that you can grow to love someone or grow to become attracted to them. That is a gamble I don't think I am willing to take. Leaving something so important to chance is too high a risk for me to take. Now, let me quickly clarify that I am not saying with certainty that it is impossible to become attracted to someone you were never attracted to, that is possible.

There are times you see someone for the first time and you feel attracted to them. There are also times that this attraction takes time to form. Perhaps you just caught them in your line of sight and the angle made them look good and attractive. Or you started having conversations and you realise that they have qualities you find attractive. What I am saying with certainty is that I cannot start a romantic relationship with someone I am not attracted to or that the attraction isn't mutual.

That is why I believe two friends can become attracted to each other over the course of their friendship and even start to develop feelings. But this is often kept a secret because they don't want to ruin the friendship or maybe the other person is in a relationship wherein they are genuinely happy. I honestly think you shouldn't be friends with the opposite sex if they are not someone you could spend your life with, I don't mean you must be sexually attracted to your friend or have romantic feelings for them. What I mean is that for you to be friends with someone, you two must share a mutual understanding, trust, and affection the difference between a romantic relationship and friendship is the romance. But that is a talk for another time.

In conclusion, always be sure you're your spec's spec πŸ˜… instead of just assuming. That you're attractive doesn't mean everyone is attracted to you. Neither does someone being nice to you mean they are attracted to you.

Thank You For Reading πŸ–€πŸ–€

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2 years ago

Comments

I have once fallen in love with someone over the course of being friends but I just have to keep and hold the feelings to myself because I might eventually destroy the friendship and also not get to be in a relationship with her

$ 0.02
2 years ago

That is true but you can always let her know if she's single. Who knows, she might feel the same way too.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

That guy was offended probably because he wants to knack and japa, the classic hit and run technique πŸ˜‚ The truth is that some assume that they can date anybody they want with just a little bit of persuasion and anybody that doesn't agree is the villain

$ 0.02
2 years ago

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ no mind am. Think sey to love easy.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

We assume a lot and leave so many things to chance. I learned the hard way when I thought my closeness with a very good friend of mine meant we were dating. In fact, I went over to her place, we kissed and made out...(no sex of course) and I felt I've gotten a girlfriend. It wasn't even up to 2 weeks and she told me a guy asked her out and I was happy for her because we talk about everything except what we have with each other. I got to know that because four lips met doesn't mean two hearts joined.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ I can imagine questions you must have asked yourself when she told you about the guy. I always seek clarity. Let's know where we are.

$ 0.01
2 years ago

She was so clever and I don't know how I didn't even think about it. I couldn't cry...me that I was still remembering all the fun things we did together πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ€£.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

You can actually grow to like someone you didn't like before. It has happened to me. My ex isn't my spec and I grew to like him. And for the bestie thing, I'll say no!!!! I wonder why you'll be close friends with an opposite sex and you'll claim there's nothing between you two. I can't take it

$ 0.02
2 years ago

That's what I am saying that you can grow to like someone. But I won't take my chances with that πŸ˜…

$ 0.00
2 years ago

This is really true, the way some people think ehn, how can someone just stop beside you and starts spewing trash just because he get small money and he fine small, they don't know not everybody is attracted to things like that

$ 0.02
2 years ago

I can tell this is you talking from experience. May I ask what it is you're attracted to?

$ 0.00
2 years ago

I'm attracted to so many things and it's not like I don't like my man to be rich or handsome, it's just the pride and ego I don't like

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Hehehe. It won't be far-fetched to say lot of guys have ego. It's how they have been raised

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Haha, it's rather amusing to think that people will get attracted to us just because we or some think we are attractive :) People who expect that way have big Es (ego) hehe

$ 0.02
2 years ago

πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜… I know, right. Only enormous ego will make one think that way.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Yep, and it's dangerous, loL!

$ 0.00
2 years ago

This is so very true. For example, sometimes as women, we might compare ourselves to other women when a man chooses her based on our internal standards. We might think we're prettier or more successful, more connected or better housekeepers, for example, or any number of things, but we never take the time to think about what the man is attracted to. Vice versa, I think men may do the same thing. Great article, @Aimure.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

You are right @Trifecta. We often make comparisons in situations like that using basis that we are better. Better does not mean preferred in cases like this.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Wow! So that guy isn't attracted to me after all, you're right Aimure, we should just not assume that because we're attractive, everyone would be attracted to us... This has really answered alot of my hidden questions.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

Ella, which guy are you talking about? πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Well said my dear....some people, especially those that have cars just think that because they have small money like this you can't say no to them.

It's like they are expecting yes from every girl they talk to and when person go say no, they will start talking anyhow.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ you no wan enter car with AC? Car fit be borrow-pose

$ 0.00
2 years ago

That was true and I would totally agree with you. Each one of us has different preferences and not because you have the qualities that most people wants or desired to have, your gonna conclude yourself as everyone's favourite/type. Most and everyone, is different in defination too so we should remain humble and don't be assuming πŸ˜…to avoid disappointment, and that person should know that too before he assume something over to that girl. In a relationship there must have a mutual feelings, not one sided.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Well said GarrethGrey. You have summarised it all with this comment.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Without mutual understanding there's no spark in any type of relationship which feels uninteresting at some point of time.

$ 0.01
2 years ago

You are right about that ...

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Mutual relations can only be kept if we have friendly and most especially have the spirit of love and knowledge

$ 0.01
2 years ago

Thank you for this.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Friendship is the key to all relationship. If a couple aren't friends with themselves I doubt if the relationship will last.

I wonder why ladies or guys love dating strangers, despite having mutual interest with their friends of the opposite gender.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

It baffles me too. 1/2 months wooing someone and y'all already in each other's mouth πŸ˜…πŸ˜…

$ 0.00
2 years ago