Marriage; Why we do it

Hello beautiful people, I had written this article on the bus travelling with some of my classmates from school to the institute I am to do the second phase of our Field Practical Training. This phase is to last about a month, and to keep my self distracted from the car sickness I am experiencing, I had to keep my mind busy with something and I thought since I’ll likely be tired on arrival to our destination why not just use this opportunity to write an article instead.

I was reading an article by @Bilqees titled Womb- watchers earlier and got the motivation to write about marriage and why some people do it. There are many reasons different people get married and the purpose of this article is to highlight some of them which I am familiar with. They include:

TO START A FAMILY/SETTLE DOWN

Though, this is the base reason most people get married as it is interwoven with the other reasons. Though, some just get married when they feel they are ready for it. It is usually done by males and not necessarily because they are in love. The routine is usually finding a girl they like, and marry her, and start a family. That is not to say they always treat the woman harshly, but with the courtesy one is expected to show the mother of their child(ren), especially in my parts of the world, where internalised misogyny and toxic masculinity runs deep in the society. Men have the tendency to feel like the woman they had paid her bride price for is theirs, like a property. And because the supposed lawlessness wills it, they can do with her as they see fit. Even when they are perpetrators of domestic violence, it is their right as they have paid her price. Usually, in this type of marriage, having children is not the only goal, but having a specific gender especially. Male children are usually the preference, and if the female gender is the product especially on more than one occasion, the woman is to blame and no one else.

FAMILY PRESSURE

This is quite common in my country, it gets to a certain age your parents and or family members think you are ready to have a child and to do that, you must first tie the knot. Sometimes, these parents simply pressure their children out of their own selfish desire to be grandparents simply because people their age group are grandparents already. Other times, the family think time is running out for their kinsman (Like there is a age one shouldn’t reach being single) – this is specifically for the female child, because she is a woman, and menopause isn’t far away, she should be making babies so we can be grandparents, uncles and aunties. Some parents even go as far as arranging a marriage – usually with someone from their tribe – for their children. (Arranged marriage is another topic for another time). As the parents have become a stakeholder in the marriage because they found you a wife, they are constantly putting pressure on the couple to start a family and birth children. This usually causes rift between the husband, his mother and the wife.

LOVE

One of the most common and usual reason for marriage as it is often used to disguise other reasons. Done with the hopes of happily ever after, and living out your days with your other half, it is supposed to be the foundation on which every marriage is based “… to LOVE and to cherish…”. Although, I don’t think there could be anything more beautiful than spending the rest of your life with your other half. In this type of marriage, the couple is not under pressure to make babies, and if they are ready to start a family, they decide to together and birth children as a product of their love.

CONCLUSION

I have decided to limit this article to two major reasons, and they are reasons I am familiar with because they are common in my parts of the world. While the first two reasons tend not to be a happy marriage as there are pressure to procreate and even more pressure when it is not happening, it is best to stick with the best reason to indulge in marriages, which is the last reason stated above LOVE.

It is worth saying that I didn’t end up writing the article in the bus, but instead finished when I arrived at our destination.

Thank You For Reading 🖤🖤

Special appreciation to @Mictorrani for the sponsorship renewal, I appreciate the support and can’t thank you enough.