Honoring our dearly departed

One deeply ingrained tradition among Filipinos is honoring their dead on All Saints' and Souls' Day (November 1 and 2). This means trooping to the cemeteries on either of these days, or holding vigil for their dead loved ones from Nov 1 to the wee hours of the next day.

Over the years, the tradition has evolved. When once it meant a solemn occasion of just praying, lighting candles, and basically holding vigil, it eventually became a picnic for most people.

It meant camping at the graveside of their dead relatives, with food and drinks, and even music. Or it became an opportunity for reunions among families.

Families would start pitching makeshift tents very early in the morning, or laying out mats, then lighting candles for the dead. They would then spend the entire day at the cemetery, eating, drinking, praying, chatting, and even napping for those who can.

Eventually, traffic became horrendous just to get to a cemetery and it would take an hour or more to finally reach the destination, when on ordinary days, it would take 15 to 20 minutes to get there.

The two days are declared holidays, enabling more people to gather and fill up space that is usually deserted.

If you have a poor sense of direction, it could mean spending an hour hunting for a grave, in an area that is is several hectares wide, especially when you're parked in some far away spot.

One memory is having to tiptoe around other graves and plots, craning your neck to check if you were already in the right place. That's not us, of course, because we did make it a point to visit our grandparents' graves when they were the only ones there, regularly and not just in November.

But there was a giant mix-up before, which we only discovered when my uncle passed away and was to be buried. It turns out my grandparents were interred in the wrong location and have been for at least two decades! Gasp!

When making arrangements for my uncle's interment, my Dad and sister found out the mistake and so permits had to be arranged quickly to make the transfer. The right plot location was actually alongside my other uncle's grave, who had also died years ago.

Anyway, we've got everyone where they're supposed to be. We do miss a giant tree that used to provide us with good shade. Can you imagine that tree got hit by lightning and the branch that was felled from that incident landed right on my uncle's gravestone which broke in two? What luck!

We do miss our old 'neighbors' who we've been acquainted with when we were still joining the throngs who came on November 1.

I do know that it many provinces, such as Leyte where my mother hails from, they go to the cemetery on the evening of All Saints' Day (Nov 1) and hold vigil until dawn of All Souls' Day, which is actually the day to honor the dead.

But here in the metropolis, we've gotten used to going on the morning of Nov 1 and staying on until around lunchtime. Yes, we'd bring a little food, like bread and water, then leave in time to have a decent meal.

At the memorial park where our dead loved ones lay, they've had to institute a traffic scheme where entry is through one gate and exit is through another much longer route. Exiting isn't so much a problem unlike coming in because there is always the problem of finding a parking space, which does clog the roads.

A few years back, government laid down the law that music was prohibited (people used to bring radios and karaoke machines for entertainment) and it just added to the din. Liquor, too, has been banned. (Yes, there were actually some who came with whiskey, gin, beer).

It's not to say there is less chaos on those days, but the noise level has decreased considerably. Pre-pandemic, fast food outlets have been given permits to set up booths around the park because there really was a captive market. The service crew would either be peddling their products or taking down orders for delivery. Very good business, but for sure more tiring.

About a decade or so ago, we've stopped going on Nov. 1. Since my paternal grandmother's birthday falls on October 26, the family decided to converge there on the Sunday closest to the date. That means having already visited and honored them (my grandfather and two uncles are buried beside her, and now my Dad and sister are in the same park but in a different section) before the chaos of Nov 1 and 2.

This means avoiding the mayhem, especially the challenge of finding a parking space, on those two days. We are able to set up tents to provide us with ample protection against the sun or rain (like last Sunday), and we can bring food and drinks and enjoy a picnic while catching up.

For my immediate family, since the cemetery is about 15 minutes away, it is way easier to visit more regularly, without contending with traffic and a crowded memorial park.

In fact, when my sister passed away, for the first 3 months or so, we would visit every Sunday. And since Dad died nine months later, we continued with our regular weekly visits (as much as possible) until the rainy months hit. We pitched a tent and left it there for months, so that we didn't have to set it up and take it down each time since we were coming weekly anyway.

Alas, because of extended exposure to the elements, that tent just crashed and ripped when a strong typhoon hit!

When the lockdown was imposed, we had just celebrated Dad's second death anniversary (thankfully) and it would be a good six months or so before we were able to go back.

There have been times when I would go on my own, early in the morning or early afternoon when I run an errand in that area and spend time there. I do 'talk' to my father and sister and ask for their guidance when something is weighing me down.

I like the peace being in some vast open space, sometimes completely on my own (there are times when the caretakers are around) and it's a wonderful time to pray.

Yes, it is good to not just honor the dead on the special day for them, but to visit as much as we can to remember them.

All photos are original...