The cloud above

You feel that too? That dark cloud following you? The man on television read the news. He cannot remember the words he read them out loud. If there's no news left it's time for the weather forecast. A 'depression' is on its way. The man, he looks like a grey mouse in his grey suit. His face cannot smile. I never saw him smile. Perhaps he feels like I do, lives in an empty world. A world filled by fake news and fake people. A place where people want you to feel happy but all you see is the darkness and the cloud above you. Eyeoor has a cloud. I saw it in the book. The cloud follows Him it I like him more than the man on television. No one tells him he needs to smile which is a plus. A fake smile doesn't make life any better. It's still the same life, same place, the same parents who hate, hit, humilate and tell the world I am clumsy and have a crinckle.
I can't smile but crying is not possible either. I know she wants me to cry, see the tears but my eyes remain dry. The smile left me, all the tears left me. I can make a sound but not shed a tear and that's why she keeps hitting me. She wants to see me broke, shed tears and beg for mercy.

Saturday
October 30, 2020



It's another hated Sunday. The teacher told this day is named after the sun, the sungod. I guess that God left a long time ago. There's no sun, no God, not a single person that receives some warmth. The world outside is grey and empty. The sky is grey, the roads are and the raincoats are. In a sad country people are dressed in grey or wear dark colors only. They don't try their best to look colorful or brighten up someone's life. They try to survive the cold, the hate, the fog and the winter. They greet with their heads down and feel annoyed if someone is singing out loud.
Today isn't the day of sunshine but the day of boredom. It's not allowed to work. Everybody stays home, shops are closed and the only entertainment is brought by the color tv. It's a church service, sport and news again. I guess sport isn't work and the newsreader isn't at work either.

Somewhere it's written in the Bible work is not allowed and fun is not allowed either. I don't understand why having fun is work. Perhaps those who follow God believe in what someone wrote down. It should be a kind God but he kills and doesn't want people to enjoy themselves. He can kill but I can not watch a film.

Sunday
October 31, 2020



The teacher gave us a letter. It is an announcement. The school doctor will visit school again. I don't like that doctor. It is an old man who sticks his finger between your legs after you undressed.
Friday it's my turn. My mother needs to be present at 10 a.m. and I have to pee in a bottle.
My mother says she will not visit school and I do not need a doctor because we have a doctor and a dentist.

"You see more doctors than all those children together, " she said. She wrote something on the letter and told me to give it to the teacher next day. I didn't tell her about the doctor but I am glad she doesn't allow me to see him. I am a bit afraid the teacher will force me to go if it's my turn but it's better to listen to my mother. Making her angry is not a smart idea.

Monday
November 1st, 2020



I gave the letter and the teacher gave me a strange look. I felt uncomfortable and said nothing neither did she.

We started the day with a Bible story. It was the story about a man named Job. He was rich and praised the lord.
God and the devil watched the man and God kept bragging about Job's fate. The devil said it's easy to believe if you are rich and everyone likes you. To proof he was right God punished job. His cattle died, his children, his wife left and his house was set at fire. Job prayed and God gave him a skin disease. Job was left by everyone and felt miserable. He had no one and nothing left except time. He sat on a gar ash heap and scratched his itchy wounds with a piece of glass or a pot I don't know. Perhaps he had no nails but that was smart because an itchy skin is hard to live with. All Job had left was time. His fake friends left him. I think Job finally understood you buy friends and kindness is a waste of time. Job prayed and God was happy. He said to the devil "you see I am right!"
I find it a strange story and God is not a kind person. He is abusive and harmed Job because he needed to proof his right. What kind of man does that? I think God has a problem and no fate and I wonder who is the real devil in this story.
The teacher asked what I thought about it but not happy with my thoughts. I waited for her explanation but she only said I saw it all wrong.

I think I have a good note for stupidity.

Tuesday
November 2, 2020



I wish I had a day without my mother. Just an easy day without hearing her voice. A life without her must be heaven.

I came home at 12:30 p.m. and she started with her complaints again. The house was a mess and she didn't vacuumed. Each room was a mess.

"I leave to work you do it, I'll check it later" she said and slammed the door behind her.

I hate it if the house looks like this. I took off my shoes and went upstairs to vacuum the bedrooms first. We have two vacuum cleaners both are Hoover. I started with her room. It is the biggest. It is clean, we clean three times a day and the vacuum cleaner is used twice a day!
I looked at the watch. I need to vacuum each room for at least 30 minutes. If not it isn'tclean, that's what my mother said. I want to eat and have some rest.
I put everything back where it belongs and leave the vacuum cleaner in front of the four of the next room. It's meant for guests or a housekeeper staying with us. The room is empty. I put all furniture back where it belongs and if the time is up I will vacuum the carpet. My mother counts the stripes the vacuum cleaner leaves behind. They should be made in the right direction too and be without footprints.

It became later and later. I watched television in between and drank some tea. At the time my dad arrived home the house was vacuumed and I set the table for our late meal. We ate together and I cleaned up and left to my room. My mother didn't come back home. She didn't call me or checked the rooms.

Wednesday
November 3, 2020

A kid's diary

Messed up
https://read.cash/@wakeupkitty/messed-up-bc7427e9

So sad
https://read.cash/@wakeupkitty/so-sad-91c0371d

Record player
https://read.cash/@wakeupkitty/record-player-6a6250c2

The wallet
https://read.cash/@wakeupkitty/the-wallet-bbd76ec1

#kittywu #diary #childhood