The Challenges of Aging
Mum was crying when I came home from work yesterday. She's trying to hide it but her eyes are all red and her face says it all. I ask why is she so upset and she told me what happened.
The minister phoned her about the check she send to the church. She put two checks inside the envelope. Both signed and with the amount in it. Mum was embarrassed. She has religiously given tithes to the church for 69 years since she got married. She doesn't go to church but she never failed to give tithes.
Some of you will say, just for that? What is so upsetting about it? Because she's old. Because she can't accept the reality that she can't do things right now at her age. She doesn't want people to think that she is going. And it's upsetting her.
Mum is 88 now and turning 89 in June, where she gets her name from. She works hard all her life, doing man's work. As before man's job pays more. She lives her life to the fullest. Her arms are legs are well used. She loves travelling around the UK and driving her car. But as she gets older things changed and things that she was able to do before now she can't.
Mobility. She is always tired. Her legs are slowly giving up. Walking a distance is a challenge. That's why we bring her wheelchair when we go out. Yesterday, she asked me to get her mobility rollator because she wants to walk to the garden. A rollator is like a walker only it has four wheels. But Mum as soon as I get the bike changed her mind because she can't get her legs to walk as it was sore. She's teary-eyed again.
She is always cold. We have to keep the heat in the house from morning until 11 at night. Even it's warm, she still feels cold.
She doesn't want to eat at times. She always says "I'm not hungry" or eat very little. I have to pursue her and sometimes ask kids for help as she will not say no to them.
She used to cook now she can't do it. She always says that cooking has left her. She forgets that she's cooking and burn the food. Mom loves to cook and she is a very good one. She taught me how to cook cauliflower cheese, steak carrot and onion, stew, vegetable soup and many more. But her cooking and mine even with the same ingredients are never taste the same.
She is becoming extra sensitive. Words can hurt her easily. If Mum told me, "I help you wash the dishes." I used to always says no. But she gets upset to think that I don't need her help and she's becoming useless. So in the morning, I left the dishes for her. She is happy doing things.
When the kids are busy doing other things, she gets sad thinking they don't love her anymore. That's why I prefer Tia and Jigz out of the room even they are doing something.
The most challenging part is she's becoming forgetful. She keeps repeating what she just said. She forgets what she's about to say. She forgets things easily. Recalling the past is hard now. I'm glad the last time she told me the story of her life, I put it on record. Whoever comes to the house that would be my name for the day.
Aging is very challenging and sometimes heartbreaking when you don't have a family to look after you and keep you right. My mother-in-law is one of the kindest I know. She loves us all and now that she's old and in the challenging phase of her life we stand by her.
We keep cheering her up. We keep understanding her. She will never go to a "care home" because this is her home with us, her family who can give her all the care she needs. We will look after her and her grandkids keeping her on her toes. Children are an amazing pill for elders. No medicines can make them feel better than their grandchildren can do. Tia and Jigz are Mum's magic pill.
They may get moody and forgetful but let's not forget them at their best. Their warmth and their love. They may be getting old but they are still the same person once young. They are still the same person only we need to give them more attention, care and love. A little bit more understanding, patience and compassion should not be hard. And make them hear and feel every day that they are loved and precious to us. Because when they are gone, you will miss them so much. And you might regret not giving your all when they are around.
It may get challenging but that's not always the case. Mum is still full of life and fun! Thanks to Jigz and Tia. Our house is filled with smiles and never a boring one!
Mother's Day is on Sunday and I ordered a card for her from the kids with a lovely message at the back to their wonderful Lola. She is the best Lola and a Mum to us!
Thank you for reading.
Getting old is not a favorite part of life because not being able to do the things that she loved would really make someone feel bad.
I am happy how you have helped and supported her during these days, even when her mouths are not talking - her heart will definitely be saying prayers for you.