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Why do we remember the best time as a period of wars with adults?

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Written by   90
7 months ago

Good day, good people, 

I don't know about you, but in my home, raising children is the basic motive. In addition to our children, the children of relatives came to our family for support and help with their studies. We have encountered many challenges but also their diverse natures and psychologies. From tiny babies, they grew up and formed their own identities. Thanks to their education, they left as formed and complete mature personalities ready to fight with life's problems and everyday life. But we have to go back to the beginning… 


And we would start with tears, carrying and singing… 

The first hands that held us from the first day of our birth are parents until we go to school. The first kiss, the first hug and all the first emotions come to us from our parents. But joining a group in a child creates resistance towards the parents. A child, like an adult, is a social being and needs to belong to someone or something.

The first group in which a child creates his identity is his family. As a rule, the mother is the most important, because in the first years of life, three to four, she continues to act as if the child is a part of her, so that the child develops the experience of a strong emotional belonging to the mother. During pregnancy, the child was a part of the mother's body, so that the mother experiences the child as a part of her personality in the first years of life. We call such a relationship symbiosis and it is necessary for the proper development of the child. In this relationship, the child develops the first feeling of fundamental security and acceptance. After that period, the child turns to other family members, including those important parts of the extended family - grandparents.

The first attachment to others and the Balkan style 

Although for most children, staying in kindergarten is a necessary experience, because their parents are employed, children, as a rule, do not have a developed sense of belonging to a group in kindergarten. They are mostly attached to one of the other children, especially the one they play well with. Many children perceive a group of children in kindergarten as a worse substitute for a family group.

By starting school, children create a new student identity and have a need to belong to a group of children in the class. It should be noted that the situation in the first grades of primary school is not idyllic for the simple reason that children are not socialized enough. This means that in addition to friendly relations in the classroom, there are also hostile ones. Precisely because of insufficient socialization, some children in the class impose the "rule of the stronger", so that they gather around themselves children who are fighting for "power" and "popularity" with other similar groups. The task of the teacher is to cultivate and develop in the classroom such group dynamics in which friendly relations will prevail and "rule of law" in which it is not important who is stronger, but who is right.

Entering puberty causes a big change in the child's value system, because often peers are more important than family, especially belonging to this group and status in it. This is the normal phase of "belonging to a tribe" or "tribalism". It is interesting that this international word originated from the name of the Tribali tribe, which from 1200 BC inhabited the area in present-day Serbia (between South and West Morava) as well as parts of Macedonia and Bulgaria, and which, unlike the official historiography , in ancient sources considered Serbs. Tribals existed until the Roman conquest of these areas.

In the phase of tribalism, it is important for the adolescent to be accepted in the group of peers and to take an important place in it. While in the family the child builds a "primary identity", in a group of peers it creates a "secondary identity". For proper development, it is important that a person in both of these phases develops a positive image in himself.

After the phase of belonging to a peer tribe, the young person begins individual development, defining himself as an individual who walks his own life path. It is the phase of a functionally adult person who is socialized and capable of independent living. She has different "affiliations" to different groups and different social roles, but her self dominates in the Self-Other relationship.

"Locked" in the past

Adult individuals have a need for love, which is why they mate in love relationships, belonging to a partner, which usually leads to a new phase of belonging, and that is belonging to a secondary family, especially their own children.


If these were the stages of some development of belonging to a group, then we could also talk about how some people lag behind in some stages of belonging. There are those adults who still feel the most belonging to their parents. There are also those adults who are "locked" in the phase of tribalism, so they have to belong to some, for example, fan, political or ideological "tribe" that fights against "enemy" tribes. There are also those who have remained in the phase of individualism and, perhaps, narcissism, believing that such a way of life suits them best. The ideological "winds" that blow through the modern media actually promote individualism as the optimal way of life. This is indicated by worrying data on the long-term trend of declining birth rates and the declining number of those adults who are family-oriented.


The photos used in this article are taken from the site www.google.com

Sources: Zoran Milivojević, Pripadnost grupi, Beograd, 2020.

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Written by   90
7 months ago
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Comments

In a family that consists of father mother and children, the unity of every members is of great important to the whole members of the family

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7 months ago

In a family that consists of father mother and children, the unity of every members is of great important to the whole members of the family

And I agree with you, only a healthy and normal family is the foundation for a successful child

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7 months ago

Interesting article

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7 months ago

Welcome Glori.

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7 months ago

Tnx Farukxb :)

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7 months ago

ধন্যবাদ

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7 months ago

U WC,,,,,, my friend ♥️💖❤️💗

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7 months ago

Welcome Farukxb :)

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7 months ago

yes onek valo vabe bujanir jonno thanks ,oita oneker sahajjo hobe

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7 months ago

yes onek valo vabe bujanir jonno thanks ,oita oneker sahajjo hobe

Welcome, sajminS. Read soon :)

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7 months ago

Yes onek valo vabe bujanor jonno thanks for you

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7 months ago

Welcome Nipa12. I hope you liked the topic.

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7 months ago

wow your topic is really amazing,past was really enjoyable

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7 months ago

Welcome Jenifer :) I'm glad you like it. Everyone has positive memories from the earliest times of development. But later, as we grow up, we encounter obstacles and problems that spoil our idyll.

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7 months ago

At a point children become anti societal. They seems to be the best of times

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7 months ago

At a point children become anti societal. They seems to be the best of times

Welcome Eseehi.Thanks for reading. A small child has a much larger number of problems because he is still learning and perceiving his life and relationship with the environment, but over time he forgets bad memories and remembers only beautifully.

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7 months ago

Most times been accepted in a group means leaving your parents 'net'

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7 months ago

Most times been accepted in a group means leaving your parents 'net'

The psychology of the masses or in a simple interpretation, where the whole herd runs and the little calf runs

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7 months ago

Every parents should friendly to their children. It helps to grow them with good lesson. Their behaviour depends on how their parents teach them

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7 months ago

Every parents should friendly to their children. It helps to grow them with good lesson. Their behaviour depends on how their parents teach them

That's right. I raise my children to be good people because I will live with them for the rest of my life. I couldn’t live with bad people, not at all.

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7 months ago

Yeah, that's good for your children. Only for bad people and bad society a children can lost the real path of their life. It's better to be guide them at Childhood

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7 months ago

Yes, the birth rate is declining because fewer and fewer women decide to have children. Some because of their careers, some just don't want them, others can't.

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7 months ago

Yes, the birth rate is declining because fewer and fewer women decide to have children. Some because of their careers, some just don't want them, others can't.

Yes, that is a very good topic for the next text.

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7 months ago

I have a feeling that we always strive to belong somewhere, it's not just with children but when we become adults

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7 months ago

Yes, it is a sign of maturation, but in later years, the only group that attracts you is the family. And that is where the journey through maturation ends.

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7 months ago

The parent is the best gift to our lives as children, losing them, make life miserable and unhappy. Thank you

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7 months ago

My eldest son died as a student at the age of 21. The greatest tragedy that can happen to someone. The biggest loss.

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7 months ago

You have a very large family and that is really nice. Everything you write you write from personal experience, which is very good.

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7 months ago

We should understand that these works are very good practices that people use today with children in the neighborhood.

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7 months ago

There's a lot of responsibility in parenting. Serious and long-lasting work.

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7 months ago

Wonderful nice article

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7 months ago

Welcome Dedstro :)

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7 months ago

Family or children are also the most important things in my life for me, so I help them, advise them, give all my love and hope that when they grow up, children will become independent and good people.

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7 months ago

Family or children are also the most important things in my life for me, so I help them, advise them, give all my love and hope that when they grow up, children will become independent and good people.

Yes, the right definition for the receiving cell of our social society is just one normal, healthy and happy family.

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7 months ago

I completely agree with your views expressed in the article on the stages of a child's growth, the first phase is belonging to the family, then to society at puberty and finally to some groups or parties. Every child strives to be accepted in a group .

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7 months ago

I completely agree with your views expressed in the article on the stages of a child's growth, the first phase is belonging to the family, then to society at puberty and finally to some groups or parties. Every child strives to be accepted in a group .

It is one of the most difficult periods of growing up because you are afraid of everything. Will you be accepted, will you be loved, not rejected, etc., etc.

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7 months ago

I never had a problem with my parents about my company, they didn't defend me. I knew very well what was good for me, I hung out with everyone, everyone came to me, they knew everyone. I think it's very important to build a circle of trust, that's the best with everyone. My sister hid where she was going, where she was going, they were constantly waging war with her.

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7 months ago

Trust is the core of successful parents and even more successful children. Although, children who are surrounded by parental attention have stability and self-confidence

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7 months ago

Very good article, I really like your thinking and your views. We have to be friends with our children, they look up to us

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7 months ago

Yes, those are my attitudes that I gained by raising 4 children.

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7 months ago

Adults need love, that's why they meet in a love affair with a partner, I totally agree with you.

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7 months ago

Adults need love, that's why they meet in a love affair with a partner, I totally agree with you.

We all need love <3 :)

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7 months ago

Why are women suddenly so angry and complex, what puts them in this state? It’s not as “cool” and feminist as we think it is, Rebecca Liu warns, it’s more an indicator of the times we live in - in which Western women, even if they think they’re liberated, still face many limitations. Many people do not even know what exactly they want from themselves, from life, what role they should play - the possibilities are endless, but it is difficult to choose the right one, then there are external limitations and frustrations when it is impossible to find resources that would allow you to live on your own

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7 months ago

I will have to deal with that idea in the next text. You gave me a great idea.

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7 months ago

Parents -child relationship must be healthy and good to have a happy family

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7 months ago

I am vary happy for your waiting

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7 months ago

Hello Anikshafin and I'm glad.

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7 months ago

Thank you. These are all the life stages of a person's life and yes we faced them all for once in our lives.

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7 months ago

Welcome Lewiss, Yes, it's all a part of life. The first experience as children through that period and later we take on another role as parents.

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7 months ago

Yeah and it's so tiring 😌

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7 months ago

We Well that's works are very good use with in the

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7 months ago

We Well that's works are very good use with in the

I have many years of experience working with children and I like to share my experiences.

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7 months ago

good job bro....keep it up

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7 months ago

Thank you :) Mahtab 765

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7 months ago

Good we well that s work are very good and Anam

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7 months ago

Welcome Nipa12 :) I wish you all the best

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7 months ago

From birth, we belong to a "group of people", and that is absolutely true. Many life circumstances place us in certain groups, both larger and smaller.

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7 months ago

The influence of the group can be devastating, although a child who has a stable relationship with his parents will not get into conflicts. He will have a more mature approach to everything, including society.

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7 months ago