"My daughter had already been born 3 years before I met her mother. It was never a problem for me as a man to fall in love with a woman who already had a child. From the moment I met the child I knew in my heart that she would be my beloved daughter. From that moment on I never left her side. When I married my wife, the following month I gave my last name to the child, so from that moment on I became her father before the law.
The marriage with my wife did not work out, we separated after four years of a relationship of discord and several attempts at reconciliation, but the relationship did not go well, we were always arguing and fighting. For the emotional good of my daughter I decided to separate, although thinking about it, it was my ex who decided first because she was the one who left me when she went to live at her mother's house and took the child with her, leaving me alone at home.
Even though my ex left and took the child with her, I have never abandoned her as a father, even after the separation with my ex, my daughter has always been my priority. I go to pick her up at her maternal grandmother's house and she shares the weekends with me. I prefer to be with my daughter on weekends than to be anywhere else, she is and remains my daughter before God and the laws.
But I am worried about something, I have never touched the subject with my daughter that I am not her biological father. And now after the separation with her mother, I am worried that third parties, relatives of my ex, even her, with bad intentions will go ahead to tell the child the truth of her origin, but without taking into consideration the way and manner of telling it. With the idea that the child does not want to spend moments of her life with me."
The story that begins the topic I will discuss today, is a real fact, that can be happening anywhere in the world, it can even be happening to you right now. Today there are many couples in which their children may not be biological children or their own children, or as in the story above, where a marital relationship begins and one of the partners already has a child from a previous relationship and for fear of rejection of the child to the other partner or to avoid emotional damage, is delayed telling the truth to the child, always waiting for the right time and so time goes by.
Now, we all know that every child in the world has a biological father, with the exception of laboratory or assisted reproduction babies. If that is not the case, we all have a biological father. The other case is the legal father, who may not be the biological father. The law recognizes in an official act as the legal father of a child when the woman before marriage already has a child and both the mother with the alleged father agree that her partner is the father of the child, there in that official act they sign an affidavit of paternity, officially declaring themselves as the legal father, from that moment the child will carry the surname of the legal father.
Now the other point we are going to discuss is whether the children should know the truth of their origin. Definitely yes, without the slightest doubt they should know the truth, they have the right to know their origin, they have the right to know who their parents are. In addition, there is more risk in not telling the truth because the parents will always have the uncertainty that the child knows the truth by third parties, thus running the risk that the child believes in his mind that by not telling the truth is for something bad and so he will lose trust with his parents and especially with the legal father.
The other point is how we tell the truth to the child. It all depends on how old the child is when he or she decides to tell the truth about his or her origin. We have to be careful in the details, the information that is very strong should be omitted for when we see that the child is ready to hear it. The important thing is to emphasize at all times that the legal parent has a great and unconditional love for the child. It is important to make the child feel that the child is loved, valued and cared for by the legal parent as if he or she were his or her own biological parent. The difference lies in the unconditional love that one of them gives to the child.
A very simple way that does not cause trauma in the child is to tell the child's origin through the construction of a story, of course, the story has to be adapted to the child's age, the story tells the before and after the arrival of the legal father in the child's life. Making a photo album is another simple way to tell the story, another example is a children's story using finger puppets, in the case of young children, in that story you have to talk about the biological father in a positive way.
In conclusion, I must say that it is important to tell the child that regardless of their origin, what is important is the unconditional love of the legal father towards his child.
Thank you for reading this content that has been intended to be educational and informative for all those parents who, even though they are not biological parents, declare unconditional love towards the children who do not carry their blood but their heart and soul. It is legally love!
You still haven't told your child the truth about his or her origin?
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Thanks my dear friend for helping me you're such a nice lady.....