I Have to Let Her Go

Letting go...

The hardest part might be of everything. In life, we have to struggle hardships which may lead to give up something or to the point of just letting it go, to continue live life even without it. Its not intentional, but maybe at some point it does. And the most painful truth of letting go, is when you have to let go of someone you love.

I am crying right now actually, because I was just reminded about my late Nanay. (lola) I don't have any photos of her but I can still remember her face and the memories I had with her when was still with me.

So here's my story...

Year 2013, it was when my late Nanay,(lola in my mother's side) died because of pneumonia and acute goiter. I was a third year high school student of that time. Before it happen, I had a lot of memories with her that I'll never forget, up until now. And everytime I think and talk about it, tears just get falling down my face. I had my other lola too, which was from my father's side but unlike with Nanay, I spent most of my childhood life when she was still alive.

As I can still remembered, I was in my elementary days and every weekend I kept on persuading my mama and papa to payed a visit to my Nanay and Tatay's house. Honestly, they were my favorite grandparents. It might be unfair for the other but let's just say, because I had most of my childhood days with them. Actually, I considered them as my second mama and papa.

So as it is, we visited their house every weekend and I slept over there also. We brought food for them and ate it together. It was all happy memories. They sometimes visited us when they had time, and brought my favorite snack "ampaw". I love everyday when I am with them, especially with my Nanay. She was the one who comforted me when my mama was mad at me. She wiped-off my tears when my mama scolded me. She prepares food for me when my mama was tired at work. She also massages me when I have a backache. She feeds me when I was sick and I couldn't get up. She does everything for me when my mama was not around to do it. She means a lot to me.

I had remembered one time during our meal, I think it was lunch time, I broke the plate because of being naughty. My mama was very mad at me. She rolled her eyes over me. I was just crying. I couldn't even finish my food because my mama kept on scolding me. And my Nanay saves me then. She said,

"That's enough!"

"Come down already, she was just a kid."

And because I can't take it anymore, I ran off and went to our living room. My Nanay followed me while bringing the food that I didn't finished eating. She said to me,

" Inday, stop crying, okay."

"Mama will surely forgive you for what just happened."

"You should eat then."

She wiped-off my tears and hugged me tightly.

She reminded me about being an obedient kid to their parents. She said,

"Inday, you should follow your parents as always."

"You should not give them headaches over time."

"Please be careful of your words when you were talking to them."

"Please learn to understand that they sometimes scolded you because they just want what's best for you. Surely, you will understand that when you become like them in the future."

I smiled and said, "Yes! Nanay."

Few years had passed, and I grown up as a teenage girl and my Nanay grow older too. I went to high school but still I keep visiting her and tatay when I have time to. I slept to their house also. I had a lot of fun memories together with them until the day had come when my Nanay suddenly got ill.

She was admitted and diagnosed with acute goiter. At that time, my Auntie(mama's side) was in Manila and went home to visit Nanay at the hospital. The doctor said that, it was too late to let her undergo an operation because she was too old and her lungs was filled with water too. We already knew that Nanay might die sooner or later. Still we kept on praying to the Lord to save her and send us miracle. But eventually, even though my Nanay kept on fighting it, her body already can't, so she then died. The doctor also said that due to complications, her heart also became weak and because of excess water on her lungs and it turns out to be pneumonia which leads to her death.

Yes! It was hard. Very hard. But what will I do? She's gone now. Accepting it was the only choice. People come and go, right? Blaming God was not the solution, even how many times I blamed Him for taking away my beloved Nanay to me, she will never come back again. 🥺

To my Nanay;

"I missed you so much!"

"Thank you for everything you did for me!"

"I love you Nanay."❤️

"Wherever you are right now, I hope that you are in a good place with Him."☝️😇

Closing Thoughts:

"Life has its never ending story. We have many stories to tell, may the good ones or the other. But I truly believe, that at the end of day, God will definitely give us a happy ending one."

Lead Image source: medium.com

Thank you for spending your time.😊

Keep safe everyone!🤗😌