The first time I snapped at him
August 20, 2022
As many of my friends or those of you who know me, I'm a mother of a six-year-old boy and were living under my parents' care, I'm also working away from home and only have time to bond with them during weekends as it's my only days off work. Even though I'm actually looking for jobs I'm still under the company and I need to attend if they needed me.
This week has been awfully bad on my side and with the current problems surfacing I only have to keep my cool within in order not to burden the people at work. My co-worker voicing out his concerns and all I can do is to console and hear what he has to say as I can't help him on those matters as it's beyond the boss's decision that we're after.
But what really strikes me is my son's behavior and my sister has been complaining about it as she doesn't want to be the one to scold my son for his behavior. Kids these days sometimes don't want to listen to others aside from their parents and they often became hard-headed, my son was not exempted in that area. As much as I want to, I don't want to let it out of hand as he is still a kid and exploring everything but somehow his behavior this week is too much.
On the way home I kept thinking of ways to talk to my son about his wrongdoings, I rack my brains but because I'm also on edge about work I end up sleeping on the bus and didn't think about any plan.
I came home and saw him smiling at me but I didn't return the smile so he already knows that the news came to me thru his Tita. Knowing how a smart ass he is, he kept on showing me the usual, taking my shoes, offering me my water bottle, and even fixing my things. But I stopped him and ask him if we need to talk after I change clothes. He waited but I know he was thinking of ways to contradict everything.
I start asking him about what he did during the week that I'm gone, and he told me everything aside from the mistakes and bad behavior. So I told him that his Tita told me about the bad deeds he did and as guilty as he is he kept his head down. I really don't like his attitude of him and not looking at his eyes I will never know what he's thinking.
"Kept your eyes lock on Mama's and don't lower your head when I talk to you!"
And that's when I snapped at him that we were both shocked, even her cousins and my parents became silent.
After hearing everything and not telling them what he did wrong got me pissed, so I told him everything that I heard from my sister and ask him why he did that and what would be his countermeasures if ever that situation resurface again. He told me everything while looking into my eyes, he told me that he is sorry and he wants to be spanked or hit if ever he'll do something bad again which I know I can't do to him.
In the back of my mind, I really want to cry and hug him and say sorry for snapping but I just want him to realize what he did wrong and to know that I am not at all pleased with everything.
We stared for a couple of minutes not saying anything and just looking at each other's eyes. I know he is about to cry but hold it in.
Papz saved me from crying as he called out to me and said that dinner was ready. I barely contain myself but just hold it in. It's not every day that my son made indecent behavior but if I can't even control and scolds him then what kind of parent am I? The dinner was only me and my parents talking, the kids didn't bat an eye and just focused on their respective plates. After cleaning and the evening prayer, I went inside our room and observed that my son already finished washing and changed into his pajamas, we prayed together and shut the lights off.
He is always clingy and doesn't want to go to sleep without me cuddling him whenever I'm home. We didn't talk and I just sat there beside him looking at my phone checking messages although I really have none. I guess an hour have passed when suddenly he talked
"I'm sorry Mama, I know I did bad and only realized it after you scold me, I can't promise a thing but I'll do my best not to disappoint you anymore, so please lie down now and let me sleep hugging you."
Without talking I shut the lappy and put my phone aside. I've been wanting to hug him but just controlled myself. We only changed I love You's. Hugging him is really a sigh of relief and comfort for me and I might say something foolish again so I just shut my mouth and stroke his hair until we fall asleep. The hug really made me cry but I don't want him to notice me crying so I really did all I can not to let him know.
The reason I haven't published any last night is because of this.
Thank you for reading!
@mommykim
Well,as parents some degree of firmness is needed. Most times we consider how these scoldings affect our kids and feel the effect of scolding them much more than they do. But we should always remember that it is not all about what happens in the now. It's all about their future, building them to be great and independent people who will inturn build their own children.