Provisions

October 20, 2021

I saw this video actually at 1:30 am earlier.

It's video about a father giving money to his son. It's his son's birthday that day and he can't give a food treat for him or a "salo-salo" because he only had little money from being a tricycle driver. The son keep telling him "no, don't mind it , it's okay" then he kept giving back the money given by his father. But his father shake his head making a sign that it's his already. After shaking his head he suddenly cried. He felt like he didn't do enough to give his son happiness even for his birthday.

(And I literally am crying my eyes out at the wee hour)

As a mother, a single mom, I can feel the sadness of the father. We, as parents, would do everything we can to give our children the best things in the world, and all that we want them to be. We want to give everything to them that we would go all out and make no boundaries just to make them happy and contented.

Lucky are those like me who has a stable job that pays just good enough to cover the expenses on our everyday needs and to provide my son all the things that he needed. But for those who lived in a day to day basis. You eat base on what you'll earn on that day, it's just so hard.

Seeing the father being ashamed of himself and crying is the hardest part ever. That feeling that you have been doing everything but it's never enough. You can't provide them and can't even give them a little celebration. It's hard. I know it's hard.

I've been through that before. After I gave birth and made a decision that I will raise my son , we live in the expense of my parents. I swallowed the shame of eating and feeding my son from my parents income for four months. I can't work until the fourth month because it was what they suggested.

They never tell me but I know they're struggling with the expenses that I swear to myself that if ever I find a job I will do everything I can to give back to them for all the provision they gave to me and my son.

This is also the reason why, even if I am tired and mostly lacks sleep and rest, I grind and work hard, is for them, my family.

We, parents, we do everything to provide everything. But sometimes we don't have anything.Money, time, presence. We can't do those at once. We can provide money but can only give little time with our family. Yes we do video calls but the presence is what they needed especially they physical warmth for both the son and the parents.

I am away with them and will only be at home for a day. It's not enough but these little sacrifices pains me. Hearing my parents says that they prefer me being at home than only seeing me virtually, or when my son says he misses me on a phone call, these tears me apart. But I need to work hard for them and I can't do anything about it.

It's the milk talking. Me being sentimental is a part of my week. There are also days that I am weird.

Hello, sometimes when I had little spare time for myself that I get to watch such heartbreaking videos and I usually cry and cry. Am I weird?

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Thank you fro reading

Keep safe & God Bless!

Fin!