Job Interviews, Assessments and Anxieties

September 01, 2022

How are you guys?

It's been a couple of days since my last update here as I was busy with offline works. I've been finding work left and right, going through job sites and finding suitable works that would fit my experiences.

To be honest it's really hard finding work and the waiting also frustrates me as I can't do anything but wait for results.

Just this week, I already received interview schedules and gone through exams and assessments and honestly my nervousness and the feeling of like being new into going through interviews and exams really hits me.

Earlier I had my interview as a store head manager. Before going on my interview, I ran a background check on the company. At first, I thought it's a networking company as their products are food supplements but as I read it all they seem to be not engaging in networking schemes.

I also did some reference check and also checking some questions that the interviewee might ask. When I arrived at the place for the interview there are already two waiting to be interviewed. I just kept quiet and continued checking some questions and possible answers while listening to the other two talking about getting some job offers.

I admit I am very timid and easily get intimidated with other people that's why I don't engage much so I just listens to them, and it made me belittle myself more and more. I didn't graduate college as I only study until the first semester on my second year as I preferred working already than studying so listening to them makes me hopeless on the position that we were scheduled for interview.

When it was my turn for the interview my anxiety attacks again and it made me want to back out on the interview as I felt like vomiting, and I feel nauseous already. I was determined to go back home when the interviewee ask for my presence and said not to be afraid as she doesn't bite.

The interview was really very light, and it seems like I was just talking to a casual friend. We talked about my past work and my experiences, and she talks about the company like it's really simple to understand and she kept telling me not to feel burdened as she's making the conversation as light as possible as she doesn't want me to be agitated, maybe it was shown in my face, and it made me felt ashamed as I really didn't have confidence at all.

The exam was done in between the interview and honestly the questions are really easy as I have experiences with purchasing and administrative works. It seems like the interview/examiner was quite satisfied with the results, so she kept on talking to me after the exams. Looking at my resume and then asking me questions.

The one thing that made me annoy of myself is my voice. I can't speak loudly, and the interviewee needs to sit closer to me just to hear me. She even asks me about my age even though it's already stated in my resume. Dang! This little voice of mine is one of my downfalls sometimes. The assessment also followed right after, and she told me I was fit for the job except one thing. I need to engage in sales, and it means I need to go out and introduce the product to people mostly those who were working out and I need to bring a lot of equipment on site which it not what I expected as I thought I only need to handle the branch but the need to go out and introduce the product to many people face to face is really not my forte.

She quite understands my side, looking at my resume, I am more skilled in office work than engaging clients mostly crowd of people.

Going out from the office site where I was interviewed it made me think that finding job that match your experience is somewhat hard especially during these days. And commuting from one place to another is also an addition to my anxiety. I've been traveling back and forth to engage with interviews and exams and it's really troublesome.

I can't just sit still and wait for the food to be placed in front of me, so I kept on applying online, sending my resumes and application to companies that's looking for admin assistant or even purchasers as I am quite used to those field of work.

Tomorrow, I also need to attend to an early examination and also an interview on the other one. Travelling from home to the city is very costly and a broke me always suffers. I don't want to trouble my parents more so I am desperately looking for a job so that I can help them not trouble them. My son kept on pestering me of the things he wants to do while I'm at home, but my mind already wanders on the possible job offers that would be open for me.

In the past few days that I'm at home, it really bothers me as I am getting used to seeing my son every time I wake up and having coffee with my parents and then seeing Papz off work. Being used to the daily routine at home scares me as I don't want to be permanently living in luxury while Papz was the one working instead of me. My parents pamper me even though I don't have work which really hurt my pride, but I didn't show them those emotions as I don't want them to misunderstand me.

Mum told me to rest for a couple of months, but I can't do that. Now that my son is already studying, I need to work harder and the need for a job is a must for me.

These pressures really did not do good to me as I kept on failing every time I apply, or it must be because I lack the knowledge to do so.

I just want to scream as I am really frustrated having no work and having of no help to my parents at all. I kept troubling them and it's really unhealthy.

Reality sucks once you got nothing left on you.

@mommykim