If today would be the last day of my life!

July 19, 2022

Reading the title, what comes to your mind?

I wrote last last day about me venturing on listening to some podcasts as they quite help me personally in dealing with mental health and until now I am still listening to their past episodes...

As I was hooked into listening to some podcasts and motivational talks these days, this one caught my attention.

"If today would be the last day of your life, what will you do?"

I remember some articles from Madam Jane and Madam Farmgirl regarding the last hours of their life on how will they handle it. But to me I want it to be precise, if it's because of sickness or a sudden accident and all, although I doubt if that would happen that I will know beforehand.

Life is not easy
It is not, don't try to make it that way
Life's not fair, it never was it isn't now and it will never be
don't fall into this trap and be a victim

I remember Eric Thomas said in one of his stalks " Pain is temporary" . Well it is if you think of it as a spur of the moment kind of pain, but if it's cancer then it will be another kind of story.

As I listen to some earlier I wonder if how will I dealt with it personally, like I never want to talk about death or even mine and other people as I am not into that kind of thinking. I always avoid talking about death, part of me is afraid of it as I am fully aware that I'm not yet prepared, and a part of me thinking about my death will really hurt my son the most so I mostly avoid it.

Ropa really did well in making stories that would creep the heck out of me on how she wrote detailed crime and even those bloodbath thingy, and now I kept remembering the chop chop from an article I don't know if it's from Ropa or beeb Sequoia..

Earlier about the podcast talk, death will come knocking at your door anytime of the day if it's your turn and you can't well avoid it if you're destined to die in that moment. I remember Mum telling me a story of her friend's Mom who died while eating, it was unexpected and a shocked as they we're really having fun at the dining table yet such terrible thing happened.

If today would be the last day of my life!

I am never prepared and will never will, fearing death is one of my weakness ever since I gave birth. I don't want to leave yet as my son and my family really needs me and I can't bear to be a burden to them and also I don't want to see my son hurting because of me.

But,

It can't be helped so might as well save the last hours with my son and my family, go home from work and hugged him until my last breath. It's the only thing I can think of.

Pain is temporary, cliche but I know this myself that seeing the people I love hurting is an endless pain for me.

My last day would be all about me kissing my son and giving him all the affection I can give to him, kissing parents and saying my gratitude is a given, but the last hug and kiss will be given to my son. My last breath may hurt him but I want to him to be strong so that I will be at peace, may it be in hell, heaven or where else will I be going.

Sorry for this random.
I am quite amaze really with the podcasts in spotify, it really can motivate you and can even make you become hungry to hear more. Those words of affirmation and approach is such a great help for me personally.

And to think that I am talking about death while going to sleep after writing this, ugh silly me..

Thank you for reading!
@mommykim