And now I'm reflecting from those behaviors..

August 18,2022

After reading Madam Jane's article the other day I had a lot of thinking and I am kinda reflecting of my actions and behaviors in the past.

There are times that I become greedy over useless things and I often made reckless decision which made me got instant regrets after.

Materialistic

I can't bring back the money that I bought upon those merchandise from different stores and the shirts are still being worn by me up to this present day. I can't wear and put the wallpaper just anywhere so they were kept hidden from the eyes of my mother who condemns me being money spender over those idols.

This behavior of mine seems to be active up to this day but honestly I did lie low and even changed for the better ( talk about defending duh). But I know I can't bring back the money bought from it and surely it did give me happiness but I can't use it in my daily life, oh I only got to look at it but never got any use of it which is a bad decision on my side.

I stop purchasing those stuff though and I often look only for the things needed by the family, yes I'm always tempted but now that I need to control spending a lot so I often ignore those merchandise released lately.

Quality Time

Believe it or not I'm not contacting any of my friends from before. Call me snob but I don't have a good topic to tell them as it always down on them setting me up on a blind date which is really childish for me. After rejecting their proposal on setting me up I won't reply to their messages until they gave up on pestering me. When you're in group of people who really stick their nose to other lives, you tend to get anxious everyday as they will not stop picking on you until you give in unto them in meeting up another man for a date.

My quality time is mostly shared with my family only whom are my loyal friends lol!! My son is my best of friend as he says.

I know I've been rejecting them and I know it's bad, I just don't want to be reminded that I'm the only single woman of the group ugh so I stay away from them and ignore their invites just to not be awkward with everyone.

Spiritual/Service

This is mostly neglected, yes I prayed but I didn't have time to attend prayer gatherings as I have a lot of reasons not to especially if I'm at work which is really bad, not attending Sunday worship every Sunday, only to come like once or twice and just prefer on online .

I also hadn't have the time to contact my church mates as we are busy from our perspective work and we are all so far away as some where working overseas already, some also focused on the business they put up during pandemic.

I want to bring back the fire within me to be able to worship God but with my current situation, walking up to Him is an only option yet I became stubborn sometimes.

Idolatry

This is mostly my problems as I have my almost a whole obsession over EXO and reading manga/manwha.

I tried to control myself and even set a timer on when will I have the chance to from watching and reading but I just can't help it. I forgot everything when I'm reading a complete series of a story in manwha.

It became a serious behavior when even my room all the boys faces where being plastered on my wall as they are part of me. I once got scolded I put al of KAI's picture on my wall.

These behavior of mine didn't even change even though a lot have passed.

Such reflections on my thoughts and behavior surely made me want to correct even one of them though as I feel terrible actually. Not minding the people whom are with me along the line. I became obsessed with work before that I am overpowering my body that it sometimes became frail and you have no one to blame but your father/mother only even though you're the one abusing yourself.

I am really sleepy due to what happen earlier so imma take an early flight to bed

Thank you for reading!
@mommykim