Love or Money

Dear Prof,

My name is Queensly and I am facing quite a dilemma. I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place. I also feel that I don't have much choice when it comes to the matter at hand. I know that my situation is not really a unique one but I still am torn and in distress because of it. I don't know but I think it may have been the reason why I am questioning almost everything these days.

You see Prof, this is my story:

I have been going out with this guy for a while now and for all intent and purposes, I do feel and I know for a fact that we are in love with each other. Our relationship didn't begin like the fairy tale ones, it may belong to the stories which we see from telenovelas and or radio dramas.

My boyfriend is an ex of a friend. After they have broken up, we grew a little closer since he was confiding in me and I was trying to console both parties since they have been good friends of mine. Anyhow, that is not the issue. The issue is a much more political and social one, and it's an issue of practicality, money.

It's not like we are fighting over money or who makes what, but it just so happened that I am now working and he is not. I understand that work isn't easy to come by especially for someone like him who does not have a college degree. I mean yeah, he could run for president of the country but he could never hold an office job or a desk job that pays a little over the minimum wage. Ain't that funny? Again, that's not the issue.

My family also has high hopes for me and my future because they deem me as an intelligent and industrious person, I also hold a college degree.

Now the simple issue is this: he asks me for money so I give him what he asks. I love him but just like a lot of girls, I want to be spoiled by him and not the other way around.

What do you think should I do?

Lovingly Yours,

Queensly

Response:

My dear Queensly,

Thank you very much for reaching out to me. I appreciate you coming to me for such matters. In times like this one, it's really helpful to have an unbiased and objective point of view. I may not tell you exactly what to do but I pray that I may give you some guidance and some enlightenment on your predicament.

According to your letter, it seems that the issue you deemed to be the problem is that you're the one providing money in the relationship, or something along that line. You are earning money and he is not. And top it all, he is asking you for money.

I know that you are an intelligent lady, and unfortunately, being smart does not amount to anything when it comes to love. I know, it sucks. Love is a fool's game, and that's all it is. There's no lesson about it, and there's no strategy you can apply to it.

In our society's ever-judging eye, it is the man's responsibility to provide for the woman. But since we are now living in a progressive world and age, you can throw that stereotypical ideology out of the window. Of course, being spoiled with love and material things is a dream of many of us but it's not a requirement, not in any way but it's a personal thing. If you as a person require that to be the case, then there's no question, you have to leave that relationship ASAP. But if it's not the case, then it complicates the matter, right?

More and more women every day climb up the social ladder and the financial one too. Many women find success in their respective fields each year and with that, it means that more and more men fall inferior to women when it comes to salary and wages. The pressure for men to compete with women when it comes to the ability to provide is higher and harsher than ever.

I guess, to summarize the first point, I say that it is okay for the woman in the relationship to provide. It may not be pleasing to the eye of society, but there's no problem in there. There is none.

Another point I can tackle with your case is that he is asking you for money. This one's tricky. I am not saying that asking your partner for money is ideal but it falls into the "case-to-case" basis kind of thing. I mean, if he's asking you for money to be used for a good thing like he's using it to land a job somehow, or just emergency, I can fairly say that it's okay. But if he is using it as "allowance" or for his person, then it's not okay. And worse, if he is using the money to fuel his wants, his hobbies, or addictions, then you don't have to be smart to know what to do.

In the end, whatever you decide for yourself is okay. This is not a dilemma, this is just a crossroad where your brain and your heart will collide, and it's just like any other time.

If you want specific advice on this matter, I can really tell you that the best thing to do is talk it out among yourselves. The two of you should have an open line of communication and an honest one. It is important to let him know what your issues are and it's important for him to know that there's something bothering you. If what you claim is true, that he loves you too, he will be open to the conversation and would be open to suggestions. I mean, he could find a way to work and help with the money somehow, he could try to finish his studies or something like that. That's the best-case scenario, the worst case, he'd decide to stay the same and you walk away.

If you're really adamant that you are both in love, I think it's worth the shot, after all, skills can be learned, money can be earned, but love is hard to find. But then again, love won't keep your tummies full. If you choose that you would live life practically and could not wait any longer, then it's your right to leave, there and then.

If it were me though, I would give him an ultimatum. A year or 2 to show up an improvement and if not, I call it quits.

I don't think that I have much more to say, so... that's it. I hope that I have imparted to you some points that you can ponder. Let me know if you need anything else. You know how to reach me, and please do so.

Love,

Prof

Hi there!!!

Christmas time already and it's really a gift that the prof has another letter to be shared. It's been a while and we've finally been graced with another story.

I feel for this story, it's not just a simple love > money or love < money kind of thing, it's really more than that. But in the end, I also don't see anything wrong with either outcome.

What would you do if you are in her place?

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Series    : Letters of the Heart
Episode   : 017
Title     : Love or Money
Published : 18-Dec-2021
Author    :  © RB