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A fine day to you Prof, there is just a thing that I want your input on. I hope that you can help me with my situation. I don't know who else to talk to and I am writing to you because I know that you are not one to pass on judgment without really knowing everything.
By the way, I am Pamela and you can just call me Pam. I am currently in a pinch and I would like some intelligent advice on my present predicament.
I have been going out for about a year with this guy. We decided to take things slow for the first few months and we put up having intimate relations for a while. 5 months into the relationship, we decided to finally get together in bed. I have been with several guys before and I had some experience from before so it was not really new to me.
It was just a normal part of romance for me and I used to not give a thought about it. I thought that it wasn't quite a big deal for me. And now, I realized that I was nonchalant about it because I thought that it was just the same with any other partner, but now it's not at all the same. Before I was carefree about it because I always get mine, I am okay, I am satisfied, but now, I am not able to get off. I can't reach the heights of my desire.
I mean, he does everything a normal way I guess. He uses everything he has. The effort is there and the deed is there, but it's not just the same. I am not really having it.
In the beginning, I thought that it was just okay, I thought that he will improve in time and that I will be accustomed to it, but it's not getting any better and it is starting to get into my nerves, it is starting to affect my attitude and my overall mood.
I sometimes feel bad and guilty because he is such a nice guy, he's a dream to a lot of girls out there, maybe the problem is with me.
I would just like to ask, would it really be bad if I break up with him over this? Am I a bad person for that? Is my reason a petty one?
I am looking outside of my window and it really is a fine day, I am just sorry that there is some gloomy cloud roaming around your heart at the moment. Thank you for reaching out to me and giving me something to ponder this quiet afternoon. I tried my luck with this online betting thing wherein they let these cocks fight each other to the death, but my luck isn't just designed for these things.
Anyway, what you are asking me isn't really unique and it is not the first time ever that this has been pondered upon by people in serious relationships. Your quandary is just a bit more interesting because it has that sexual nature. It may seem to be more sensitive because it has something to do with coital relations. But I am telling you now, what you have here is just a common problem.
You know what, there is no small or big reason for a relationship to fail. Small or big, who's to say? As long as there is a reason, it may be enough to drive a wedge between two hearts. So don't worry about it, you don't even have to tell everybody the reason why you split so there's really not a reason for you to be ashamed about it.
It just carries the same weight when a relationship ends because of money. Many homes are broken when the man can't satisfy the couple's needs for monetary supply. It is just the same when someone in the relationship could not satisfy the other's needs for emotional support. And so on and so forth.
Dissatisfaction is a valid reason to want more, to ask for more. It is also one of the most rampant reasons for infidelity. It is a good thing in your case that you have acknowledged this issue very early in your relationship.
Now, here's the thing. The first thing for you to do is to talk to him sincerely. Honest and open communication oftentimes can solve most of our problems. Tell him what you want, what you really, really want, we don't know... maybe he's just holding something back. You said that he is a nice guy so I think that he will understand. But please, just be delicate and careful about it, guys may seem so proud but we are creatures with such delicate egos. Once it's broken, it will be a dangerous situation.
Lastly, I just want to let you know that you should not feel guilty about wanting to receive something that you think you deserve and something you want. Desiring something from a relationship does not make you a bad person, not at all. Just talk to him about it and if it still does not work out, then the choice is yours to follow your desire or be confined in an unsatisfactory relationship.
I hope that you could work through it and may your heart find its way to what it truly desires.
Another exciting installment from our beloved Professor. A real sensitive topic right there, but well yeah, as the prof said, we want what we want, that's just about it.
And again, if there's something that you want the professor to discuss, just comment down below or on any of the letters the professor has responded to. You can read the previous ones from here: Letters of the Heart.
I want you to know that I always appreciate how you are always here and thank you so much for the support. :)