Slowly but surely, you will get there.
I always have doubts about myself, especially about the things that I can do. Am I a good enough student? Am I a good writer? Do I write well? Did I improve? Or, did I improve in certain areas and the went downhill on other aspects? I even doubt if I am a good person or not.
These days--no actually, the whole February--I am not performing well. I do get high scores, I pass my activities on time, I do projects, but they're not that satisfactory to me. Per semester in my university is divided into 3 periods. P1, P2, and P3. Last P1, I did well. All my modules were passed on time, everyday I was studying and I was even one of the top performing students in my year. And now we are at P2, almost at the end of it actually, and I think i am only performing half as good as I did in P1. And as for p3, it's right in front me, waiting for its turn.
I think it's because my focus was diverted from studies to social media. This has been my problem for almost a year now, and I still haven't worked on it properly. The first thing I do in the morning is open my phone and check my facebook notifications, reply to messages and then get lost in the world of funny vidoes. That's not supposed to be the way I should start my morning. I should start my morning by fixing my bed, and doing my morning chores, and then after all that I should only touch my phone. But it's quite the opposite last month. Leisure came first before responsibilities.
I am now trying to get out of that state though, I am trying to look for my rhythm again. And in order to do that well, i pray to the Lord. Things get so much more bearable when I pray to the Lord and ask for the things I need--mentally and physically. Because I cannot work on my life by my own.
But, prayers will be fruitless if I don't do my part. I asked for more focus, then I should help myself too and let go of my phone, get up and do the things I must do for the day.
Just like right now. On this day, March 1, 2022, I have decided that the past month will not repeat itself. I have a month left before the semester ends, and so I should give my all to finish the semester with flying colors.
Aside from finding my way to reading my notes everyday, I will also be working on writing essays and articles for the coming new academic year. On august, I will be a 3rd year college student and i cannot let myself step into a new level without getting my writing skills working again.
I got so used to writing prose and poems and informal writings that i no longer know how to properly write an essay or a report. I forgot how to write an editorial article without making it sound like it was just a random lady who wrote it. I don't want my academic papers to sound like social media post. And so yes, i will practice writing. And I believe that read.cash is a good place for me to start. Not only that i will be able to write, i will also get to read articles from people. Oh, and I will also get to learn more topics and meet more people as well. 4-in-1. Isn't that amazing?
Aside from those, I should also work on myself. I've noticed that I have this attitudes that aren't considered kind, and that it's sometimes considered selfish. And knowing that I have those kind of things going on with me, I have to work on them. I can't just continue living and causing emotional harm to people. I need to improve. As of now, I still don't know how to start with it. But I shouldn't be scared, I just have to pray and surrender myself to the Lord, and then I'll just have to let the Lord help me in my way to a better path.
There's so much to work on, but I should't let it tower over me. They shouldn't look like taller than me, I shouldn't think that way. Just, one step at a time. And I'll get to a better state in life.
ENDING THOUGHT: 3 days since the last time I posted an article. Glad to be back! Just as what I have mentioned above, i have plenty of things to fix. And as i fix them, I'll try my best to share them here as well :D
PREVIOUS ARTICLES
- It's like everyday exam in college, so tiring!
- The Sun, The Moon, and The Stupid Me.
- An early morning and sleepy thought
- Either you stop chilling or you fail. Choose
IMAGE SOURCES
messy room
girl on the ground
rose on a glass
feet in the air
lead image
Do you consider deactivating you social media for a while. I tried that for a month and I can say that my overall life has improved. Using your smartphone for a long time can exhaust your time and sometimes your energy