In My Head There's A Reel
There are two kinds of mornings that I like. First, the kind when the sun is up and bright, but the air is cool enough to cause me to bundle up. Second, the cold rainy mornings when frogs sing from their homes, when there is fog on the streets, and when it's 7 am but it feels like the time is stuck at 5 am.
The first kind of morning reminds me of fun days at school, my friends waiting at me at the hallway in front of the library. All of us wear fluffy looking sweaters, the ones that rarely come out of the closet.
The second kind of morning, reminds me of an assortment of things. Sometimes of the day I failed my test in math, sometimes of mornings when I am sick and can't get out of bed, and sometimes of scenes from books i read where i become the main character.
When those kind of memories come, I feel like my bed turns into some kind of a travelling machine. Because even when my eyes are open, i would be transported to a different time and space and everyting is vivid, like a dream. Right in front of my very eyes. But, it's only me who sees the reel of course, not anyone else.
This morning, it's like that.
It's cold and foggy and drizzling a bit when I woke up. My eyes stare at the wall while I lay on my side. But instead of my pale yellow wall, what i see is the outside of a running bus. The streets are wet, there are students and workers and children walking on the sidewalks, umbrellas protecting them from the pouring rain. The bus even passed by a shed where a grandma sits there alone, plastic cup beside her, waiting for spare change to be dropped there.
In the reel that plays in front of my eyes, I could see and almost feel that the space beside me is unoccupied. Both the space in my bed, and the seat I have beside me in the bus. Instead of the pillow I was hugging this morning, there's a bag on my lap. It carries something like a potato chip bag, because when I hug it closer to me, a crinkling sound could be heard inside.
It's probably my snack for later, because in that reel I was on the way to the highest tower in the city. I will climb the very top, sit on the very edge and watch the city live in front of me. Usually, even if cement and glass dominates everywhere you turn your head to, the city still looks lively. But today, i knew that the city would look dead.
There will be workers, and busy shops and bustling streets, but the city would look dead and weeping because of the rain.
And because I knew I would just get disappointed, I cut off the reel playing in my head. I turned on my bed to twist and turn to face the window of my room. The window of the real world just shows the grey sky, nothing else.
I have exams in an hour, but I didn't want to stand yet, didn't want to face reality yet. So I shifted from this world, and back to the reel in my head. In that reel, I continued my journey in the bus. But instead of stopping by the 4th bus stop from here, i hopped off the vehicle at the stop nearest to us.
In the reel, even if I am not familiar of the place, I still got out of the bus, I still walked through the neighborhood. And as i do so, I was hoping that something nice would happen. Something that would make me feel better after my plan of watching a supposedly happy city had failed.
Back to reality, I was sniffing my nose, Like i have allergies. And the word 'allergy' must have triggered something in my mind. back to the reel, out of the corner of my vision, a cat appeared, waiting for me and sitting by the rock stairs.
Luckily, the stairs are beneath a shed, and so it remained safe from the rain and damp.
The cat goes on all fours, does the stretch that all cats do. And then goes back to sitting down. I went near to it and the cat meowed, happy to have someone to accompany him. I crouched in front of the cat and started to put the soft fur- it just feels like the fur of my teddy bear. The real me had to concentrate so hard just so my version in the reel could enjoy the cat's fur, and so the cat could enjoy my petting too.
And, this simple thing made me happy. In reality I am smiling, and in the reel i am smiling too. I sat down on the step beside the cat and brought out the chips in my bag.
And then the reel stopped. I stopped seeing the reel me and started living as the real me. The me who has an exam, the me who is still on bed, the me who is now happy and ready to face the world because I had a fun time in a fake space.
CONCLUSION: You see, the things that we want may or may not happen according to our plans. If things go smoothly, then good. iIf things turn to a different way, it's also okay. Because i believe the things that didn't happen aren't meant for us. And if it didn't happen and if it's not meant for us, then that just means we also didn't miss out on anything. I keep that in mind and things got better. If things didn't happen according to plans, I believe that good things will still come. Just like a cat coming out of nowhere : D
PREVIOUS ARTICLES
https://read.cash/@joow/tired-of-facing-the-same-problems-0a7f9a5f
https://read.cash/@joow/lullaby-of-sleep-or-of-something-else-227fd7e7
https://read.cash/@joow/the-fictional-life-of-joow-prologue-a30ff376
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IMAGE SOURCES
gloomy room
bus ride
cat on stairs
lead image
