Trust.. is it Good or Bad?

How strong do you trust one person?

Trusting one person, are you really certain that the person you trust is a real person?

Let's talk about trust. but first what is Trust? Not the trust wallet you know in crypto haha.

What is Trust?

•  Reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something

• One in which confidence is placed

• Dependence on something future or hope.

Source: Meriam Webinar.

Is Trust important?

Of course. Trust is an important and tender aspect of all relationships because it requires us to choose to be vulnerable and courageous. When we have learned to distrust someone, it's usually because we've come to understand that what we share with them or what's important to us is not safe with that person.

And there are times that Trusting someone can turn into enemy. They will backstab you, betray you and might the world turn upside down. 

Have you trust someone that you think that he or she won't betray you?

I do... I do have trust people a lot. But the trust that I give to them, didn't do the same thing I did.

I Trusted a lot of people out there... but they were the one who pushes me away, betray me or even toy me... 

Let me tell you a story about this trusting experience. 

I had a friend. A real friend. I even call him my real bestfriend.

Oh yeah, I haven't put or mention this before in any of my articles. the reason... I wasn't ready to share it... I wasn't ready to tell which is real and not... But... let me just share it.

As I said, yeah, I had friend. Human real friend not a virtual social friend and not even an imaginary friend.

As I also mentioned in some of my articles, I didn't have friends, a real human face to face friends. 

April 2007, after we migrated here in Caloocan from Makati, I changed schools even my siblings. They had no choice.

So yeah, after migrating and changing school, I am new to school, act normal.. And I also thought that I'll be having a new normal after coming here.. but It's not. I'm still receiving bullies and threatens..

I was so envy of my brother and my sisters that they got new friends so easily even after migrating... Why.. why can't I do it? I even do what they told me. Communicate... but still why?

I did try to reach them... I did try to talk to them, but they're ignoring me... why? What's the difference? Is it because, my face is different? Is it because I'm disabled? I'm still human too.. why can't they give me a normal life... I also want friends too.

Many days have passed, yeah same as usual. I stayed quiet and keep distant with them.

2 Semesters have passed, and yeah... same as usual. Well I'm not expecting anything good will happen since from the past , everything is the same.

3rd Semester start... My first subject was over and that was 9am-10am, my 2nd class was at 3pm... I had a long break hour. I was lazy to go home and I know there is no one in the house right now. So, while waiting for the long time, I decided to go in SM Fairview which is super near to me. Actually I'm not a person who hangout out in far place and the mall. I only went there because I was bored and I was thinking of wondering around the mall since, I'm not yet familiarize in that place yet.

I keep walking until I saw Quantum, arcade zone. Perfect timing for me to spend time while waiting for my next class. I went there to play. My favorite one that I always play there is Drummania, playing drums, DDR (Dance Dance Revolution) and arcades like tekken and Soul Calibur before. I spent most of the time playing there while waiting for my next class. One day, I was done playing drums and taking a rest on the left side and sit there, suddenly a woman approach me. 

She approach me that I thought she'll going to ask some direction or whatever, but it was different. She approached me and asking me to teach her play drums.

In my mind. 'Huh? For real, why is she asking me? She should be asking other people and she knows other people in there. Why me?'

Also in my mind, I thought that she might be using me. I don't know her but the people playing there in Quantum knows me. it's kinda suspicious but, I guess, I'll just give it a try.

So she bought the token and I taught her play drums in games. 

After teaching her play, she was trying to talk to me. And she asked me first question... "Why your face is like that."

Before answering her question, another thoughts comes to my mind. 'Why? Why is she asking me this? Ahhh.. could it be she's going to laugh too after I will answer. Well it can't be helped, they always laugh at me because of this fcking face of mine..'

After a long thought. I answered, why my face is like this. I just answered; 'I was already born like this. it can't be help... You can laugh if you want haha.' That's what I said. and she answered me back; 'Why will I going to laugh at you.'

My eyes widened like ... am I hearing this right?

She even told me that she will be my first friend. She wants me to be her friend, I don't know what she's scheming... and I still don't trust her yet because of those trauma... 

The next day, since we don't have classes and I don't want to go home yet, so I visit Quantum again just to play. I've been going there in Quantum to play when only I have free time and I see her again, asking me to teach her again to play.

I'll just leave her name Rose. But I called her Roxe (Ro-ksi)

And so yeah, I see her almost everyday and we talk a lot.. I also found out that she also studying the same school as mine, so we always seeing each other and talking when we both have free time.

Day by day, we talk, we play, we laugh, we even share our problems and I even share all my traumatic experience and she really listen well. We even became classmates many times since she have the same course as mine, Computer science. 

She have problems in her family, and I'm often times helping her, like giving half of my everyday allowance. I even share my foods to her. I give her everything.

2 years... we became in relationship... wait before that. a year after we met each other we became close friend, best friend... then another year, we developed something and we became in relationship. I still have pictures of her but... I don't want to share it... you know, that she might be here reading or some of her friends and might attack me again... I'll just keep it secretly.

In 2 years, she told me that she'll be shifting school. It was her parent's decision and she can't help but listen to them. Tho, I can still see her in the mall, in the arcade zone. That was like our favorite spot, so it's fine...

A year after she shift other school, I don't see her in the Quantum more often.. I keep waiting, I even skip classes just to wait for her... but she's not coming... I thought maybe her schedule is hectic or maybe she doesn't have free time. But I didn't give up.

Another days have passed... I was about to turn around going to Quantum and I saw coming her going down in the escalator, she holding arms of other guy and smiling happily. I was surprised and trying to calm my self maybe he's just a friend. I was going to follow them but I lost track on them. I messaged her but she didn't send me message back.

I didn't give up. I keep waiting for her answer. But she really didn't send me any message.

One day, my classes was over and I received a message from her and want to meet up in the mini bar near her school. I was supposed to be happy and excited but I felt uneasy that day.

I still go there and I also want to hear her answers. I have arrived in there and there was other people besides her as well as the guy she was holding last time.

There was one of them, their friends seems to know me and like despising me and even disgust me. They're laughing at me. I look at her but she look away. 

Then she talk like she don't know me. She said that she was just using me, she said that I'm the one borrowing her money and I'm following her like a dog. 

My mind blown and... I can't explain my feelings, all I can say is I'm really angry that time.

I knew it... In the end, they're all the same. they're really just using me. Toying me, betray... I trusted her more than anyone else. I even trust her more than my family.. I can't believe... this is really happen to me...

So much hatred that I really wanted to die... at the same time, that was the time that I got bullied in school the April fool prank where they spill water on my laptop. So many things happen.. I can't even focus...

I was so naive, and a real fool to believe her. I am really stupid. I thought I can finally have a real friend even not in relationship but... it's still hurt even now. 

After that, I stop trusting people. Well it's the truth. I don't trust people anymore. Virtual? I can say 50% but in reality... nope... I don't trust anyone, not anymore. Even if you told me to give one more chance.. No.. I did once but twice, no more. I can't, its hard for me specially in in this kind of situation. Yes I know I am different, I have disability.

Trusting people is not easy. That's all I can say..

Don't trust too much and... don't trust anybody so easily. Or they might drag you down too like what happened to me. 

I'm not saying to stop trusting people. Trusting anyone is not bad, it's just... Reminding you to be always careful who you're trusting and believe.

That's all I can say.

End