@jasglaybam 6 December 2021 edited

Preggy me or preggy me not?

I did wish to have my own family and my kids just like everyone else. And I planned to marry when I meet the right one after I am financially stable. Well, to be honest, to my desperation, I did want to have a one-night-stand with a stranger if I am still childless at 30. But things have turned out differently for me. I don't wanna share that dreadful love story sorry guys, it's like an MMK (Maalaala Mo Kaya) drama. I've moved on so let's just focus on the happy part... I was most of the time, delayed 2 weeks of my scheduled monthly period so I wasn't afraid of the idea of being pregnant. But one day, something weird happened. It was June 2013. When I was going inside our floor (eBay account), there was a queue. The first person was 2 or 3 months pregnant, she asked the guard to not "totot" her (scanner) because of the radiation. She was followed by a female on her 5 or 6 months pregnancy, and then after her was a pregnant agent who needed to see her boss to file a maternity leave. And I was the last to enter. When the guard was about to swipe the "totot" on my tummy, I instinctively covered it. When it was break time, I went to the pantry to find some food. Believe me, I was seeing pregnant women all over the place. And I was like," Is this the cue, am I pregnant too?"...I was horrified by the idea, my heart was beating fast. I didn't know I was already conceiving but I started feeling: **Sleepy all the time**- I slept at work, despite being logged in for a few minutes. I slept in the jeepney. I doze off the taxi while my friend and I were going to the US embassy to process her papers. In short, I sleep whenever I lay my back on something else lol.

**Lazy**- I am not used to lying on the bed all day and not doing anything but I've never felt so lazy all my life. Clubbing, binge-watching, food trips, and Empi lights didn't interest me anymore. **I felt ugly**- Really, I had self-pity. I feel like I was the ugliest girl in the world. I didn't want to comb my hair or put on some lip gloss. I hated picture taking lol.

Despite my weird feelings, I still went out with my close friends for food trips. We met in SM Makati and ate in the food court, we went to SM Aura, stroll around, and had crabs in Venice Piazza.

I met with my cousins and had a drink in the night and swam the following morning.

When I began feeling scared that I might be conceiving, I filed my resignation from Sutherland to find a higher paying job and because I couldn't stand the thought of seeing my ex in the same place. I had a new job 3 weeks after my hiatus. I was then with 24/7 Inc as TSR (Technical Support Representative). An hour before my physical exam, I took a pregnancy test which came out positive. I then declared it to the company and was advised to get a fit to work clearance before I could start training. When I found out I was pregnant: I was sad because I knew I couldn't give her a complete family but I was determined to provide all she needs that she doesn't have to question her existence. I was scared because I might not be able to give all her desires but I decided to be honest and open to her about my past so she won't hold a grudge against me or her biological dad. I was doubtful that I might not be always healthy and strong. And I realized I have my mother and my sisters who will be there to back me up. I know I will be judged for being a single mom for keeping my baby. But I decided to do what's right and took the responsibility of being a single parent. God will provide, why should I be disheartened?

It was never easy to go through pregnancy and parenthood as a single mom but with the support of family, friends, and God, it became possible. This, my friends, is my entry to "How did I find out I was pregnant- A Challenge!" as pushed by @MommySwag. I am not part of their group but she said I could write about my pregnancy, why not? It's good to share that special part of my life. To my sponsors, subscribers, upvoters, and commenters: Thank you very much! Have a Merry Christmas, Glessa All images and content are mine unless stated otherwise. December 6, 2021