Wanting To Be A Mother

ARTICLE NO. 46 OF 2022
TITLE: <Wanting To Be A Mother>
DATE OF PUBLISHING: <MARCH 26, 2022>

"To be a Mom ..."

Many had said that in order for a girl, lady, or a woman to feel more complete and grown-up is to be a Mother. It do exactly goes like this, "saka mo lang mararamdaman na kumpleto ka at ang pagkatao mo, kapag may anak ka na."

For a single lady like me, I don't know if it's true or what. But for what I've been seeing from my own Mother, "it is." Mama had me when she's only fifteen and gave birth to me by 16-years old. Yes, she may had me when she's just a teen but I can feel and see that I made her "more complete" and a "true-woman." I'm not saying that not conceiving a child/ren doesn't make us a woman, but it happens to led us in a more deeper stage of the womanhood.

I'll tell it first and before we get to the main talk of this article, "I am 21-years old, single, and has no kid/s."

The question is, "why would a single lady like me would end up writing this content with this kind of topic?" I know that this question may possibly be running in your minds, so let me answer it.

I am the first born of our parents and the eldest among the three of us. The second born is now 18-years old and the youngest is eleven. Such a good gaps we have here~ but here's a kid that's been the "bunso" of our family for more than two years by now. Her name is "Zavina", 2-years old, and she's our cousin from Mama's younger sister.

Zavina had been sleeping with us since she's only days-old. In short, "laking-Tita s'ya." She's so close with us, to the point that she's referring to our Mother and Father as "Mama and Papa" too and even her Ate, Zoey which also happens to grown in Mama's care. Even when we moved out, she's still with us. Well, is it okay with me and my sibs? So muuuuuch! To the extent that I'm also buying her needs and wants in my own money. More so, I can't even imagine my day without her. Also, she's not calling me "Ate" but it's "Be-bes." Short for, "Ate Best." Don't know why, pauso ng Ate n'ya.

So, enough with this. Let's start knowing the reason for that "why".

Storytelling

Yesterday, I fetch Zavina from her Mom's house. Along the way, there's an old man who's repairing the house of our landlord's brother.

I'm alone when I passed by on them to fetch Zavina and when I returned, I'm already with her. As his instinct, he instantly asked me this question, "anak mo?" (Cc: "Your kid?") And, I said "no. She's just my cousin." He didn't believe me and so when we passed on them, he asked the brother of our landlord, "'di n'ya talaga anak 'yun?" And I was like, "seriously? Do I looked like I already given birth to a child?"

In that day, I got disappointed (again and again) on how people act and think so advanced this era. They're so judgemental and in some instances, that's hypocritical for me.

Does a girl or a lady being with and holding a baby or a toddler already means that it's "their's"? Does buying a diaper or a formulated baby's milk in a pharmacy and grocery store means that's it is for my, our child? That's just so argh! And yes, I experienced to be judged because of that situations. That looks from other people? It's so irritating and I've been telling this to them in my mind, "I pity you, guys for this kind of mindset that you have." Seems like their more excited for me to be a Mom as compared to me~ And, can we stop this kind of thinking and stigma? That's so toxic.

Yes, I also want to have a kid that I can call as "mine." But not now, not tomorrow, not next year, not in next 2 years. In short, "not yet." But, when? When I am so ready, financially stable, and when my first family is in good state already.

Most of all, when I already wants to be one. To be a Mother~ and they said, "motherhood starts at 20s." For me? Not at all times and not to all females. Coz at this point? I can't imagine myself carrying a child in my womb, planning the delivery and labor, buying his/her needs, breastfeeding, and all. As in, guys. How would I afford to think of becoming a Mom when in fact, I can't even have a glimpse of myself having a boyfriend and be in an intimate relationship with any man out there.

It will come in a perfect and right time. For now, lemme first get busy as I established a life and state more better. When I already have these:

• Diplomas in Bachelor of Science and Master of Science.

• My own house and lot, business, and maybe a car? Hmm.

• A stable job.

Most of all, when I already wants to. And, no one would dictate me when to bare a child. No one and not even my parents but Him and myself only. 💙

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