Why not be cheerful!

Sometimes even people who are very positive and optimistic can feel bad. Normally I have a fighting and winning attitude, but this week I have been living some experiences that aren’t exactly pleasant and involve more intervention from me and I feel physically and mentally exhausted.

But, as I have always said, everything has its time and moving forward is the only way.  God allows things to happen to us for some reason and He never leaves us helpless, that is clear to me. But what I feel is that I lack a little bit of endorphins that not even chocolate is giving me. I know that God's hand is always present in the lives of those of us who have faith so I know that he is with me holding my hand and I hope to see his reflection in all of this.

As I write this I left the TV on. I woke up at 3am and could no longer sleep so I turned on the TV and left a program on that deals with veterinarians attending to animal emergencies of all kinds. As I watch the TV show I see that the doctor's son has a beautiful dog that has something bothering his leg. When he takes him to his father’s office he diagnoses bone cancer and it is located in a part of the leg where there is no treatment.

That is, the only treatment is to wait for the evolution of the disease and give him the best care possible… And just before the program ends, the worst happens and the canine ends up breaking the femur of his leg. That’s when his life ends.

The doctor then decides to euthanize him, much to the pain of all the family members. I couldn’t finish watching it thanks to my sensitivity. When I turned it off I only had tears in my eyes, seeing how everyone was suffering for their beloved pet.

There are worse things in life, there are bad situations in life like this case that has only one solution to avoid the dog's pain. The dog would die of pain eventually or will die at that moment with drugs that will take his life and prevent him from prolonging his suffering.

There are always alternatives for everything except for when the final moment comes, there is no other way but the straight and linear path to death.

So I ask myself… is this show that I just happened to see at this moment when I feel unprotected a message for me? I don't believe in coincidences.

I can take it as a warning to lift my spirits; that God is with me. That he always guides me and I must keep my faith in him and not let any circumstance or external cause take away my peace and tranquility.

But what should I do?

First of all, I should not watch this kind of things on TV that cause me more sadness than I may already have.

Secondly, I should try to make some calls and find out about the health of a member of my family who is going through a bad moment right now. I hope he gets better quickly because it’s extremely sad to see him like this.

I’m looking for solutions to all the things going on in my mind that I can't control because they are things that are slow to resolve. I mean they get fixed in their own time and I need to have everything fixed for me to feel good.

Not everything is like that, not everything can be fixed by me, I can't fix everything but how do I tell my mind after 60 years of age that I should take it easy until time fixes it…!

My regular state of mind is not like this. It’s not feeling like I have a truck on my back, I have to fix certain things because if I don't this truck will fall on me and crush me.

I don't understand why my body is so heavy as a product of the burdens of my mind, it seems unusual. It's a strange sensation but it's the safest thing and it's clear to me that not another day will go by without me fixing it. I must look for some source of endorphin to stimulate my mood and get back to my normality.

For my next post I will bring you my new usual mood, for the moment this is what I have and feel and I try to get out of all this as fast as possible.

Thank you for reading and I appreciate your patience for putting up with my lamentations.