Mother Knows Best

Once in my life, I felt hatred of my mom. Not for a long time but just for instances. She scolds and yells at me when I was young. She tells me things I have to do that I don't want to do and complains when I did not do good at it.

I hated her for not letting me go out and play. I hated her for cutting my hair short because I don't really comb it. I hated her when she forced me to eat vegetables when I was young even I don't want it. Mostly, I have hated her for dying and leaving too early and left me with responsibility of my siblings.

But there were instances before that I watch my mom cry because she don't know how to take good care of us. There was a time when I went home with my knees wounded because I fell down while playing. Now I understand, that's the reason why she doesn't want me to go out and play because when I hurt, she hurts too.

Then, I realize now that when I don't comb my long hair, my head feels heavy and I had headaches that's why even she loves my hair long, she cut it so I don't have to suffer from headaches.

She forced me to eat vegetables because even if she wants to see me enjoy what I eat, she kept me from eating those sweets that's not good for my health. She knows that I won't get any good from it.

Lastly, when she died and leave us she died a peaceful death knowing that at a young age, I am responsible enough to take care of my siblings. The doctor said if my mom lived, she'll either lived as half dead as her whole body will be paralyzed. My mom could have known that when she lives, I'd have to suffer more of her being a burden.

Now I realized all my mom did was for me. She was not a perfect mother. Not the smartest one, not the kindest one. Not the bravest one and not the modest one. She might not be a role model for being a mom. But she loved us as best as she could. She gave up her career to take care of us. She made difficult decisions for herself for our sake.

I love my mom more than I hated her. And now, I was finally free from all the hatred I felt for her for leaving us early. If I can have one wish, I'd wish to start all over again with me feeling the warmth of my mother's embrace while she's singing lullabies and putting me to sleep and making sure that I am in my most comfortable state.

Mom,

Wherever you are right now, I hope you see how I took responsibility of my siblings. I help my brother finish his studies. I also help with their expenses. I did not marry early because you told me not to. I hope you are proud of what I have become even if I have not reached my goal yet. Mom, I missed you.

I love you, Mom.

:)ellimacandrea❤