Being in Jail: You're constantly told things get better, but they don't appear to

My grandfather always told me, “Boy, the grass is greener on the other side. Know why? Because it’s fertilized with bullshit.” It took until I was an adult before that really sunk in. Simply put, just because something appears to be better somewhere else, doesn’t mean it isn’t an illusion. Prison and jail are no different. No matter where you’re housed, there’s someone there telling you how much ‘better’ it is somewhere else within the system.

When I was locked up 16 days ago, I was informed I would be in quarantine for at least 14 days due to COVID precautions. One of the first things you’ll learn in jail is, nothing moves on anyone’s schedule except the person who’s moving you. I didn’t expect to be moved on day 14, because that would have made too much sense. It became blatantly obvious pretty quickly that it would be in the best interests of the COs for me to be moved in a timely manner, not because I wanted to be, but because their quarantine pod was quickly becoming overcrowded.

The pods here consist of two-man cells. There should never be more than two men in each cell, as there are only two bunks. However, the reality is, out of the 15 days I ended up spending in quarantine, there was only one day I was alone, and only one other day I spent with just one bunkmate. Thirteen days were spent with myself, a man in the other bunk, and a man on a two inch thick mattress on the floor. Unfortunately for me, one of the few smells I don’t tolerate well is unwashed person. To say the least, that is a prevailing scent in a jail.

In quarantine, you’re allowed out every other day to make phone calls, shower, and use the kiosk. The biggest thing other inmates, who have been through this numerous times before, complain about is the lack of access to phones. Even when it’s your time out, you’re vying with 30–40 other men to use two phones and one kiosk. But once you’re moved to a regular pod, you have access every day, so the prevailing thought is, you’ll have better access.

Wrong.

I was moved on Thursday in the early afternoon and immediately placed in my new cell. My new bunkmate was moved in around 8pm. I asked a couple of times, when were we going to be released to use phones, etc. and kept being told, “later”. The lower tier was released in what I had become used to as the usual times, but the upper tier never was. So, were we relegated to restricted times again due to overcrowding, or what?

I still don’t know. I woke up Friday morning, expecting to be on my old schedule based on Thursday’s actions, but found I still wasn’t allowed out of my cell in the morning. My bunkmate buzzed the COs, asking what gives? He was told we would be let out after lunch.

We weren’t.

It wasn’t until 4:30 pm that we were finally allowed out of our cells for ‘rec’, which is just a nice way of saying we can go to the common area for phones and kiosk. At no time during your stay at the local jail where I am do you get to see the outside. Never. Unless you count the slits in the ceiling that are tinted, which supposedly give us the sunshine we’re allowed.

There’s no outdoor rec time, period. It was cancelled 18 months ago when COVID started. There’s no in-person visitation. Even though the handbook you’re given states you’re allowed one, 20 minute, no-contact in person visit per week.

Things are decidedly worse on this side of the jail from what I have seen so far. The COs don’t care that you have family at home worried about you, concerned they’ve not heard from you. When your family calls, they’re told everything is fine, you’ve not been moved, and you have access to the phone. You’ll get no real information from them. I understand they have to maintain security, but I don’t see how telling the truth in this matter would cause any kind of breach.

My wife was worried something happened to me. Or that I had been moved to state without warning. And that’s something she’ll have to contend with over and over within this system, because that’s how it works. Information is scantily given, to inmates or their family.

I’ve been told many times, things get better once you’re moved to state. You get on more of a schedule that doesn’t change much, you’ll be allowed to work, you’ll have things to do with your time, you may even get to go outside. But at this point, until I see the green grass, I’m going to call bullshit.

If you liked this, you may also like my other pieces about incarceration:

Keeping Hope Alive While You're in Jail Comes Down to Communication

What it's Really Like in Jail

Damian Delune is currently incarcerated. His wife, Demeter Delune takes notes during their calls and e-messages and transcribes his thoughts here. Our purpose in doing this is to share with the world what actually happens behind bars, to give information otherwise not readily available, and to extend hope to families who may be going through the same thing. If you’re interested in helping, you can donate here or here.