On October 6, 2021, I attended my last court hearing for what has been a nightmare of epic proportions. In December of 2020, I was arrested for a crime I didn’t commit (I know, everyone is innocent) after hours of interrogation which lead to a coerced confession. It’s a long and complicated story which I won’t go into here, but will at some point. One of the things I did in an attempt to ready myself as much as possible for the time I knew I would be serving, was research. I was sentenced to a minimum of 67 months, which boils down to about 5.5 years. Jail comes first, with an eventual move to a state prison. I’ve been in jail before, when I was younger, so I thought I had some idea of what to expect on that level of things. Some things are the same, but a lot has changed since COVID.
The most important thing to remember here is, no one who works for the justice system is your friend. I don’t care if you grew up together, spent weekends at one another’s home, and hung out right up until your arrest. That person is no longer your friend. And you don’t want them to be in some respects. Being shown favoritism by correctional officers (CO’s) is a sure fire way for other inmates to assume you’re a snitch. The term, “snitches get stitches” was coined for a reason. That doesn’t mean CO’s can’t be decent human beings, but that generally hasn’t been my experience.
It’s rare to find anyone you can truly call a friend in jail. The best you can hope for is an ally. Unfortunately, race plays a significant role behind prison and jail walls, among the inmates. Everything is separated by race.
When you first arrive and are being held in booking, there is a lot that had to happen before you’re sent to your assigned block. And no one gets in any kind of hurry to get things done, unless they want to. Nothing is on your time any longer. It’s a bit ironic that you literally have nothing but time, yet, it doesn’t belong to you. You’ll be fingerprinted, even if you’ve done this before. You’ll be thoroughly searched. Yes, everywhere. If you know ahead of time that you’ll be arrested/booked as I did, I highly recommend not bringing anything with you. In jail especially, you won’t be allowed to keep anything, including your undergarments and socks, unless you are prepared and are wearing white.
If you know you’re going to jail, the one thing you can do to plan ahead is to be wearing the correct undergarments. Everything has to be white and can not contain pockets. A white t-shirt (not a beater), white boxers, and white socks will at least get you started with something that’s yours and fits. Beyond that, nothing you have with you will follow you into jail. It will be placed in your personal property, which someone will need to come retrieve once you’ve been sent elsewhere (if that’s what’s going on) or you’ll get it back when you’re released if moving to another facility isn’t in your future.
You’ll be issued slides as your shoes. Sure, they’ll ask what size you wear, but there’s absolutely no guarantee you’ll actually be given what you ask for. I wear a size 11, and was at first handed a pair of 13/15 slides. There was no way I could easily walk in these, and politely asked for the correct size. Apparently that was more than the CO was capable of handling that day, as what I got in return was the correct size, but two left feet. So I asked again, and was handed 9/10 sized slides. I shut my mouth at this point and have just figured out how to deal with it.
Where I am, men are issued a typical orange jumpsuit for our over-clothing. And if you think that is gonna fit, I strongly urge you to reconsider. This is just another way for the CO’s to give you the finger, so to speak. A reminder that they don’t give a shit about your comfort or well-being because, you’re a criminal of course.
I was booked at 11 am and it was 12 hours later before I was fully processed into my block. Because of COVID, all incoming inmates are given the COVID vaccine, unless they’ve gotten it through the jail before. I am fully vaccinated, but that didn’t matter. I even brought the information from my doctor to prove it. Doesn’t matter. You’re given the vaccine whether you want it or not by the jail and then put into quarantine for 14 days. I can’t speak to any facility other than the one where I’m housed, but that’s how it works here. Quarantine here is one specific block, that has two levels, and you don’t leave the block for any reason whatsoever unless it’s deemed a medical emergency.
Each level gets their day, every other day, to be out of their cells and in a common area. The common area is where the phones (two), Securus portal (where you can check your account for money, messages, etc), and commissary kiosk are. There is one portal and one kiosk. The number of people on each level fluctuates, but right now, there are probably 40 men on my level, all jonesing to use the phone, send messages, etc.
As I’m sure you would imagine, being the low man on the pole doesn’t afford you many rights to the items everyone is trying to use. You wait your turn, period. Once you’re able, anything you say over the phone, anything you send in an e-message (or receive), is all subject to scrutiny by CO’s. Anyone on the outside who wants to communicate with you must set up an account through the company that provides those services for your area. Ours is Securus. Everything costs money. As of right now, it is around $15 per call for me to speak with my wife for 15 minutes. It is much cheaper to send e-messages, but you’re still talking about $3 per message she sends (which she includes a return ‘stamp’ for me to reply), and an extra $1 if you send a photo (per photo). Your friends and family on the outside can send photos to you (appropriate of course) but you can’t send photos in return.
They can also set up video visits ahead of time, the cheapest of which is $8 (20 minutes). Where I’m housed, even if I weren’t in quarantine, they’re not allowing in person visits, so this is the closest thing to it. Once I’m moved, I hope this won’t be the case. Video visits, usually, are a good way to keep in touch and see your loved ones when they’re unable to visit in person. When you’re locked away from everything in the world, being able to see the face of your spouse or family while also hearing their voice is priceless.
It’s a lot and your mental health will suffer. When you’re in quarantine especially, on the days you’re not allowed to leave your cell, there’s not much to do other than sleep. I learned today that ordering from commissary is only allowed once per week per inmate, so the little bit I was able to order for myself yesterday is all I’ll be able to get for now. My wife can’t order, no one can, until Friday. And no one tells you these things. It’s one of the reasons I want to share my experience with the world. So people know what to expect and to answer questions.
The biggest piece of advice I can offer to anyone going through this is, don’t give up hope. Whatever that means for you. Whether it’s the hope that you can appeal your case and be exonerated, the hope that one day you’ll be home, or the hope that comes from having supportive friends and family. Don’t lose that, ever. You’ll hear from other people that you have to wall those things off in order to survive, and to an extent, that’s true. You don’t want to give other inmates or CO’s anything to use against you. But what’s in your head and in your heart is something you can keep close, and pull it out when you’re alone. Allow yourself whatever light you can summon, because you’re going to need it.
I know I’m lucky. Not to be here, but that I have such a phenomenal support system outside these walls. My wife has been there for me through hell and back, and now to hell again, for over six years and I know I have her love and support daily. And most of all, I know she has a support system in place, even though most of those people are far away, who are there for her no matter what she needs. Those things keep me going and help me to know, we can get through this, I can get through this, and come out the other side.
If you would like to donate funds to help keep me in contact with those I love, you can do so here or here.
That feeling of loneliness really felt must be very difficult. I can't even think of myself if I'm having such a hard time reaching out to one of my relatives. It was an informative article, I felt like I experienced how I would feel if I were there.