Good parents, good children. Two make them, two raise them.
How nice it is to live this experience every day with you Read.cash friends, here we really interact, discussion and empathy are encouraged. From Read.cash several friendships have been born, I have met people that before I saw them in another platform from far away and I had a wrong opinion about them. The good thing about Read.cash is that there are no groups, no exclusive communities for a few, and I like that. Here we have a father, a leader, who takes care of his children, supports us and is aware of every detail, the only thing he asks us as a father to a son is that we do things right and that we bring love to our home.
Good parents, good children.
In the last few days I have been thinking a lot about parenting, what the whole process is like, what it means and where it can lead us. Parenting is nothing more than the accompaniment and observation that we parents do until our children become independent. When parenting has not ended with the child's autonomy then something is happening, something is wrong.
It is normal for children to reach the age of majority and become progressively independent from their parents, but be careful, just because they reach the age of majority we should not leave them alone completely, it is about letting them go little by little, accompanying them either physically or with the help of technology, but we must always be present until the process of autonomy is completed 100%. It is a law of life and even if they are in another home, in another state or country, parents will always be there, but with another form of support, with advice, with a word of encouragement, with prayer; from the affection and blessing of God.
If your child is 50 years old and is still in your house and does not support himself then it is unquestionably a sign that you did something wrong. Part of the problems we have in society today are generated by bad parenting in the home.
When I say that we must be physically with our children, it is not only about being there and leading like a soldier in the barracks, it is about investing feelings in that upbringing. This is something that cannot be lost with children no matter how old they are, emotional contact is basic, it is important.
Two make them, two raise them.
Sometimes fathers leave everything to the mother and turn a blind eye as if one as a mother knows everything and does not need anyone's support. Both parents must give 100% so that everything flows as well as possible in the home; it is not enough for the man to leave money and go away, no! His presence is as important as that of the mother.
Many couples divorce or separate, that has become very common nowadays, but parents must understand that when they divorce they are doing it with their partner, not with their children.
There are certain attitudes that I have learned along the way of being a mother that have helped me and facilitated the parenting process.
Stimulate self-esteem in a healthy way.
We all know what self-esteem is, and what I mean by stimulating it, but I want to emphasize that it must be in a "healthy" way. We should not deceive children and make them believe that they are the center of the universe.
At this point I want to stop and tell you about my experience with Fabian, my youngest son.
Fabian was spoiled by his teachers since he was a child; if it is true that Fabian has been intelligent and has many good qualities, the other truth is that he believed everything that his teachers and people who knew him told him. The child grew up believing that he had no mistakes, that he knew everything and that he could tell the world without anyone's help. That is to say that this can no longer be called self-esteem, but became vanity. In these last years I have tried to mold this behavior, always clinging to God's help. Fabian is a good boy, there is no doubt about that, but I would like him to let himself be helped and advised a little more.
Here I want to show you that there are external agents that can influence the upbringing of children and this can be dangerous.
When Fabian received the award at school for being the best reader in first grade, he took it to mean that he didn't need to read anymore, he already knew it all. In view of the negative message he had adopted, I had to teach him that one never finishes learning, that in books you get and learn more things than you think.
Fabian went out to greatness surrounded by these people who made him believe that he is the best in the world and that is not true. That is why we should not let external agents influence our children's upbringing, nor should we use hyper-stimulation, much less lies, because this world is cruel and sooner or later the mask will fall and it will hurt him.
There are many ways to stimulate self-esteem in a healthy way:
*Recognize his achievements, triumphs, qualities, capabilities, and do it explicitly, with gestures, with words.
Build confidence. I remember when I used to go out in the street with my oldest son Israel, I liked to let go of his hand whenever I knew I could, and if he tried to take my hand out of fear, I would transmit confidence, I would tell him to be calm, that nothing was going to happen. Trust is synonymous with security. Never tell your child that he/she can't do it.
It is important that they learn from the small achievements as well as from the failures they have in life.
- Establish limits and sanctions
Do not punish your children for something that was not planned, established. The rules of a house are not supposed, nor are they imagined. If you forgot as a parent to establish some limit, you must recognize it and not punish your children for something that was not yet on the table. It is good to teach children to be free, but you must also tell them what the limits are. Children should be very clear that to have a good coexistence with others requires the establishment of clear rules.
No one is traumatized because they are punished, but the punishments must be fair or proportional to the fault. For example, if the child fights with his brother, it is imperdible to send them to hug each other and apologize for a minute or two. In the end everyone ends up laughing and forgetting what happened. But if it's a teenager who went to a friend's house and forgot to even warn you, kept you scared at home without any mercy and arrives with his face well washed knowing he had to warn you, well what I would do would be to take away his phone for at least 3 days. Since the phone did not help her to let me know where she was, she is now without it.
I did this once to Fabian and Israel and he never forgot to let me know if he had to go somewhere after school.
The most important thing of all is that this punishment left a life lesson.
- Don't be friends with your child
As a mother you can be friendly, loving, tender, but not a friend. Friends can be found everywhere we go, friends come and go, they are valuable, but a parent is not. They are the beings who love you the most in life, they help you in the most difficult situations, they applaud you and congratulate you sincerely for your triumphs, they do not envy you or treat you with hypocrisy. Parents are unique and that is why we should not lower our status in front of our children. This is my concept and I appreciate your opinion, but I have learned that this generation is misunderstanding the concepts and accommodates everything in their favor.
Children should feel confident to tell you things, ask you for advice, open up to you in any situation that may arise, not because you are their friend, but because you are their father.
Finally I would like to tell them or invite them to know the world of your children, what are their tastes, their games, their friends, to know everything. We should not continue to raise our children with techniques of the past in a world that has changed and now everything is technological, advanced, with new phrases, behaviors. A few days ago I told Fabian that I would like to meet his friends in flesh and blood, I asked him to invite them to my house so that when he asks me for permission to go to a party with Juan or Pedro, I know who they are, where they live, what kind of people they are.
I am one of those mothers who prefer that my children bring their friends to my house because from far away, without being invasive, I can get to know them and at the same time, without them realizing it, it is a way of taking care of them.
Yesterday a neighbor was telling me that today's youth is called "The crystal generation" it is very sad and it is seen daily in the news as a few affect other more defenseless with their bad jokes. These young people have a very different emotional world than the one we live in, they have other values.
That is why as parents we must carry out activities with our children, for a while make technology an ally and show interest in their things and on the other hand invite them to get out of it and do some sport, go for a walk, watch a movie, be with real friends, flesh and blood.
If you do not know how to be a good parent or you want to get good tools to be one, look for tools, go to parenting school and nothing better than looking for God, be on his side.