Where'd all the time go
Hi! It's me @mstripsy it's been 2 years, I guess, since the last time I've visited this site.
Just lying here in my bed, tired, after a long day at work. Yes, you read it right, I'm no longer the college student who randomly rants and shares about her thoughts and how her day went by, the one who spills her frustrations and aspirations in life by writing it all here, her so-called 'safe space', this site, introduced by her favorite cousin.
Going back to this precious site after how many years gave me comfort and brought me surge of different emotions, I never knew still existed within. This site brought back lots of memories, from each words inked and sentence stated.
Oh, just how time flies, being able to get back here, having read all my years of posted articles, just humbled me even more in a different level. Looking back, it is indeed true that *"Malayo pa, pero malayo na din".* It seems like it was just yesterday when I was just a college student, lost, uncertain of what the future holds, always having the fear of failure if she'll be able to make it and graduate or not, thoughts of just to stop for a bit in school because of financial constraints and emotional instability, always saying badly wanted to give up. But, hey! Look at us now!😭 You made it, you did it, the field's still vast, far, and wide but, hey, we were able to took a step.
Just last year, I've finally graduted in college at the age of 24, yes, 24 a year delayed from my batchmates in high school, and it's perfectly fine as it is. Last year was a roller coaster ride, a year of twists and tears for me , but above all, my life greatest breakthrough and tough decisions. Upon graduating, I went at my father's province spent 2-month of vacation then got hired for my first job.
Anyways, that's it for today. I can't wait to share with you my thorough details of my journey and life adventures!
Thank you so much once again my fellow readers and writers! I am looking forward for many and more interactions with you all, cause I am also thrilled and excited to hear from you!
Lots of love! God bless you all!
Woke up Early
Chapter 1 | Page 5 of 365
**Hi! I am** @mstripsy **and welcome to my story! Are you ready to take on an adventure with me? If so, then, Let's Go!**
Today marks the 5th day of the year 2023 and I woke up early at 5:00 AM when the world is still asleep so, before anything else let's take a short recap. Before the year ends in 2022, I had some reflections on myself, what have I achieved this year? I asked myself, aside from being a good and active student servant leader at school, projects, and everything. What else? for myself? In my own point of view, none major so far. The problem? I lack consistency and I'm aware of that, but still keep on doing and not doing things for myself, when I should be.
Before 2022 ended, I made a Goal-lists for 2023 for a better me, and one of the major parts of that is to break my cycle of inconsistency. Cause truthfully speaking, ***we can never expect a better version of ourselves if we don't break our negative traits and practices that hinder us from unveiling the best versions of ourselves, that we want ourselves to attain and reach.*** In my 22 years of existence, so far and so on, that I could ever remember, honestly this is just my 2nd time making a list of goals. New life, new me? No, Same life, still me, just getting better, I guess. haha. But really, I want to be better, I want to have something that I could say to and for myself when this year ends, like, ***'I made it!'***. I have so many accomplishments for many, I mean, I can accomplish great things for others, of course, those accomplishments are also for me, but why is it that I can hardly do it when it comes to myself? I also want something for myself, aside from, the credits from others, connections, and power. **Accomplishments and doing things for you are also something.** That's one of my major goals this year. But of course, I would still continue to excel and serve others even better.
Maybe some of you are wondering, why the 5th day? When I should have started writing on the 1st? The truth is, I have written my 1st to 4th day but wasn't able to post it for 5 days since December 31, 2022. I forgot my read.cash password, silly me. I just found the note where I've written it here in my boarding last night after 2 days of searching for it since I get back from the Christmas Holiday at home. So here I am! I know I wasn't able to start it, the way it should be as it was written in my goal list, but I don't think it isn't too late to start, so yeah.
**Have a full-round blast of blessings this year my fellow friends here in read.cash**
Have a great day! God bless everyone! For more adventures with me!
Vester
You are not just a dog. You were and will always be our home, forever.🤍
It's been a tough week. Unexpected things happened. One of those was the passing away of our dear buddy, Vester.🥺 I Just wanna share my thoughts and my love letter to Vest, I hope it will reach you, my love.
Still can't believe that you're gone now.
The thought of not having you there anymore, being soooo excited to see us coming home. just kills.💔 I sometimes think, about how the world seems so unfair sometimes. I never even get to see you before you passed away.
Never, have I ever thought that you'll gonna leave us someday. I have always imagined the future having you in our home, now I can't even get to feel that you're no longer with us😭
Sorry if we ever made you feel abandoned when we all left our house. We never meant to, we never wanted to, and we never chose to, it's just that we were left with no choice. I know you're also in too much pain. and it hurts. really💔
If only things and situations were just under our control. I'm really sorry, it pains me so much.
You've felt our every joy and pain better than anybody else. You've read and seen our thoughts and emotions through our souls. You've listened to and understood us like no one else. You always made me feel at ease and protected through those nights when I had no one else at home except only you and cymera.
You never made me feel alone, cause having only you is more than enough.🐾
I will always love you forever, our Vester. Thank you for showing us that true and genuine love, does exist🤎
Run far, run free, our buddy! no more pain🥺
***Thursday*** | ***10.26.22***💔
Hello! It's been a while, my dear read.cash friends. I hope you all are doing okay and fine. Take care always!
Should you just quit or keep going?
"The letter of our lives is not written with ordinary ink, but by the spirit of God. God changes us by writing His word on our hearts for others to read."
It's the end month of September, and here I am sitting alone, thinking and doing some of my school tasks in our sala. I am having an emotional, mental, and financial crisis right now I can say. Lots of school fees queueing to pay, other than that, I also have some of the basic needs, like food to eat, load for our blended face-to-face and online class, and materials needed for our face-to-face laboratory class, name it. And the fact that my both separated parents were both jobless, hence I needed to work, and manage my time wisely between studies and work, to support my studies.
Now sitting here, I've got so burned out thinking about my current situation right now, like, I really got so burned out, exhausted both in ways that I could never get to understand, why in the first place my once peaceful and good life, my whole and happy family all ended up the way I never expected and imagined it to be.
There were times, especially when I'm all alone by myself. When my senses and thoughts dwell on my current situation right now, I think I could never get to cope with it, thus, I always try my best just to avoid thinking about my current situation, cause just the thought of it makes me so madly insane, like, I could never get to understand myself, what I feel, I don't know, that's why I never want my thoughts subsides to my problems and woes in life. I don't think I could ever take and handle it sanely.🥺
There were times when I thought if I would rather just quit my study, to support myself and my two younger siblings, but the thought of me quitting my studies also kills me, like, my pride won't just let me quit like it would be my greatest loss of I would quit now, thinking about my good standing in our school, my good grades, and the likes. But the thought of me working gravely while studying also kills me, mentally, emotionally, and physically, it really drains me to the point that there was nothing left of me, not even my soul.😢 Everything is eating me up, and I do not know what to do anymore, I badly wanted to quit at the same time I wanted to finish my studies and graduate with flying colors and pursue med school. Right now, my two younger siblings, my dreams, and the thought that God's plan for my life is the best are what keep me going.✨
People around me think, I'm okay that everything is okay, that I can handle everything that nothing is wrong, that I have it all figured out. Since I'm not speaking up about my situation right now, I am just going on with the flow like nothing is wrong. But deep inside, I'm so hopeless, crying, exhausted, and on the verge of giving up, I'm so torn right now.😭
But no matter what or how hard the storms of life may hit me, still, I know deep in my heart, and I believe that even before I have taken this path, this was already planned and written by the mighty hand of God even before I started my journey. I've got millions of reasons to quit, but I have this reason I am holding on to, it is the greatest promise of God for me and you, that was written in the book of *Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the Plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, Plans to give you Hope and a Future."*
So no matter how many stones this life may throw at me, storms and waves that may drown me, I may stumble and fall, a bucket of tears I may cry, I will stand still, cause I know deep in my heart, that I am not alone, I will never be, cause God will never ever leave me nor forsake me. I will keep on holding on to His promises for me and you. God will fight my battles in life for me. So as with every one of you here.
I will keep on going regardless of the odds. I will keep on faithing no matter how tough this life may lead me. As for you my friend who is on the verge of quitting and giving up right now, please hold on still, keep afloat, and remember that when God is silent, He is doing and preparing something great for you. I am praying for you, to whoever is struggling right now, I may not know you, but God does.
Hello! my fellow read cash, thank you for sparing some of your time to read my article again, just badly wanted to rant and vent out my thoughts right now, the cause seems like I couldn't contain it all at once, so I'd rather share them with you all here. No judgements. Thank you again. Let us all be blessed!
I would love to read your share of thoughts below in the comment section if you have some. Better days ahead! I love you all!
Take Charge
**Ever wonder, what it takes to be a good leader?**
The truth is I do not have that much knowledge and idea, of what it really takes to become a good leader. I only have some things that I have learned and gained from my past experiences.
Hello again read cash fam! As I've mention in my previous article post yesterday, I'm gonna share to you my humbling experience in my leadership journey! Unfortunately, I still couldn't find the right words on how should I write it, it's in my draft still, but worry not cause, here I have written something that relates to being a leader. I hope this makes sense to you all guys. Happy Reading!
Being a leader doesn't require you to be perfect in every way. Being able to lead doesn't mean you are always right, not because you are a leader doesn't mean you boss around everyone. A leader knows how to say no at times. It is challenging indeed, a challenge I would never get tired to take, over and over again.
Being a leader is tiring, yes I won't lie about this, it is exhausting at times, but guess what at the end of the day, It is one of the most fulfilling, no matter how tiring it could be. Being able to serve others, lending your hand, listening to their whims and rants, helping and answering their queries. The feeling is above anything else at the end of the day.
To be a good leader, requires sacrifice, discipline, long patience, time, it consumes your energy, and most of all, a big and humble heart.
To be a good leader, is to be a good follower.
**I will try my best to post often. Hoping my schedule and tasks will be on hand.**
**Ola, Goodnight everyone! Signing off again, time to make some tasks from school, I hope I can drop by again tomorrow or some other time to read your articles and post some of mine too!!! Thank you for your unending support!**
**May we all be Blessed!**
Looking Back
Hello, everyone! How are you? I hope you all are doing great! These past few weeks have been one hell, I can say. So for today's article, I just want to share my piece of thoughts about our class election yesterday, and I hope I also would be able to share with you tomorrow about my humbling experience as a class mayor/president for the past two years in our class while also being an officer in our college organization.
Happy Reading!!!
Just Yesterday we conducted our new set of class officers in our classroom. For the past 2 years, I have been the class mayor/president. So just a few days ago as the Academic year had just started, as usual, we will elect another set of officers, for every organization and class, as for our college, I have been the incumbent Assistant General Secretary last Academic Year, 2021-2022, it was such a tremendous and humbling experience. As I was saying we need to elect another set of officers for this Academic Year 2022-2023 in our college, and for the second time around I was selected again as one of the Officers in our College but with a different position now, as a 3rd Year Representative. So since we will now be having our face-to-face classes, it is required in our college organization to have no other extracurricular position or office in different organizations, even in our class, well this policy has long been implemented, but in our case last school year, it was given an exemption since we won't be as busy and won't be conducting such activities just like in face to face, it is therefor manageable to have an office inside and outside the classroom as long as you will be able to handle and cope with it.
Now, the decision and the implementation again of the policy to have no other extracurricular activities or offices outside our college organization got me caught off guard, especially when I relayed the information to my classmates. They want me still, I also wanted to lead and serve them still, but the policy is policy. I told my classmates that we needed to elect a new set of officers since I am again an officer in our college, but they want me still and said they are fine with the old set of our class officers, but then our adviser somehow decided to re-elect new set of officers, so there it goes. We elected virtually.
Honestly, when I found out that I needed to sign out as the class mayor/president in our classroom, I felt sadness on my part, I mean, looking back, all of the things I have done and sacrifices I have made, the grave shifts this duty and responsibility has to throw and offer, due dates I needed to meet aside from academic and meeting I need to attend to virtually, concerns I need to take just to give and offer my classmates the best service they deserve being their class mayor/president. It was all fulfilling no matter how tiring and draining sometimes. Coming to a point wherein, I need to make them my priority before myself. And the topmost, looking back now, being recognized, earned the respect of my classmates, and them being grateful and appreciative of all the things I have done, to the point that they don't want me replaced, as their class mayor/president for my two years of service was a different level and nostalgic.
Being able to inspire, help, and become their voice, one who lifts them up and pushes them to do better cheers them up motivates, unites, and is an epitome of a good leader. It was honestly draining, to the point that there came one time that there was nothing left of me, it is indeed exhausting but above all, it was one of the best experiences I had and worth all, I can say.
I may have been saddened by the fact that I was replaced, but I know that it is for the greater good since I needed to serve a larger range of student populations. And honestly, after the election I felt a surge of relief, it is as if I had been swimming in the ocean for two years and now I can finally say I can breathe, cause I was now sailing just like a regular student, with fewer responsibilities inside our class, no longer flooded with many Group chats in Messenger emergency meetings and the likes. It is all and all to lead and serve my fellows in the Name of Student Service. Now, with a much higher calling and office.
In Him alone are the Glory, Honor, Praise, and Adoration. To God be all the Glory.
Hey there, my read cash fam! I would like to express my sincere gratitude to each and every one of you here. Thank you again for reading my piece. How about you what were your experiences with regards to helping and serving others, may it be inside your home, community, workplace, or even with your fellows? I would love to read all your comments below! Again thank you so much for your time! May we all be blessed!
Lost Things
In life, things aren’t permanent, they come and go, we lose them, and sometimes, we somehow find them in the most unexpected moments, and if by chance we ever cross paths with the things we’ve lost along the way, we are then considered fortunate enough.
We lost things, even the ones that once were important to us, only to find them again, long been waiting to be found, when we almost lost their significance to us, yearning to be acknowledged once again for the worth they once held when we hadn’t replaced them yet.
Nobody was ever exempted from losing. We all lost things, and probably we also get lost along the way, waiting for someone to find us, may it be our soul, our spirit, our direction, or our own worth. We yearn to be seen, to be heard, and to be found once again, and maybe, many of us are hoping that someday we will be remembered the way we were once meant in someone else’s life.
Lost things are common, we often encounter them in our daily lives, just like on any ordinary day, we come to cross on things we lost 10 years ago, we found them when we most unlikely needed them. We come to cross on things when we are looking for the ones we need for the very moment, but somehow find the wrong ones, the things we were looking for a year ago when we needed them, but unfortunately we weren’t able to find them at that very moment, it’s only to find them when they almost lost significance to us.
Lost things are like the lost chances, the lost opportunities, the lost times, and somehow, the people we weren’t able to keep along the way. Losing is part of our life, we lose things, chances, opportunities, money, time, and energy, we lose to people and we lose people. But that’s all part of it, part of who we were, who we are, and who we're gonna be. Losing is painful, sometimes it’s unbearable, especially when we get to lose the important things to us. Losing is unpredictable, sometimes, it is something that’s beyond our control, but some say, losing is a choice.
How about you? I wanna know your thoughts and say. Have you ever lost things or have you ever gotten lost along the way?
Hey there, my fellow readers and writers!!! Thank you so much for reading my piece, once again!!! I really appreciate you all guys!!! Take care always and God bless everyone!
Degree
*For a moment, I was in awe and for a second, I was in a daze.*
It was mid-July, the year-end program, popularly known as the month of graduation at our university. As of now, I have attended two separate college graduation at our university in the same venue on different dates. The first one was the college graduation of our roommate friend in our dorm, the second one was the college graduation of our college department wherein my other roommate was also a candidate and some of my co-members in our college organization were also graduating.
I was still a kid probably 6 years old when I first attended college graduation, t'was my first time, the college graduation of my aunt. I could still clearly remember how amazed I was back then looking at the hundreds of people wearing black gowns and togas, marching one by one, and names being announced on the grande stage. Having no definite idea and as a kid did not give much attention to the long ceremony and everything that was happening inside. I just only have one thing in my mind at that time and was so impatient for the graduation ceremony to get done for us to go out since I keep on thinking about buying my favorite donut and some toys that were promised by my parents after the graduation ceremony of my aunt. While sitting thinking about the donut and the toys, my mind was also flooded by wonders and lots of questions while looking at the graduates back then, that I keep on asking my mother random things since asking was my hobby back then, (*the reason why some of my friends and old folks in our village become a bit irritated by me when I was a kid since I have an "unending and unlimited questions" 'daw'*), and that's when I was told that college graduation would be the end of being a student in someone's life, and after that it would be the beginning of being officially called by the profession you have chosen, having a degree. So ever since then, with my ignorant ambitious, and innocent childhood fantasy, I became so eager to grow up to be like them.
Funny thing was that, all I know back then getting a degree would be an easy peasy adventure, just go, study, and then get that degree. Just like that. Had no clue or any idea how tough and rough the path would be, that amidst the journey, would be countless downfalls, thrills, setbacks, failures, financial stress, emotional damages, mental breakdowns, hindrances, and many other obstacles.
Now that I am a grown-up woman, tho' still, a college student, was my second time attending and witnessing real face-to-face college graduation, the ceremonies, and everything, during the graduation of our roommate friend, it was then this time, I had real damn chills and a bit emotional witnessing each and every graduate, getting their diplomas and Latin awards in front on that grand stage with their proud teary-eyed parents, that was then, it was fully imparted to me how really important and significant that one-bigtime event is in someone else's life, being able to get that degree, masteral, doctorate, and the name.
It was also that I have come to realize and was slapped by mere reality again and again how small I am, that I still have nothing to be proud of yet for myself. Seeing all the Board of Regents in our university standing with pride and honor on the stage, wearing their Masteral and Doctorate gowns and togas, giving medals to the Latin honored students, and shaking hands while giving the diploma to each and every graduating student, I may now call, degree holders.
I whispered a silent prayer, *Lord, I also want that, but let it be your great plans in my life that will prevail*. *You lead me the way and I will follow.*
Hello, Folks! To my fellow readers and writers, who inpires me with the extraordinary stories of your life adventures! I miss you all! It was such a long time since I last updated here, having been so busy and lots of paperworks at school and just got to finished my examination yesterday, t'was real tough, but yeah we've survived and pass!!!
Hopefully, I would be able to get back on track and be active here again! Thank you so much for reading my piece and for the unending support! God bless us all!
Distracted
****Disclaimer****
*My thoughts and notes are mostly from my regrets and resentments in life. Guess, this platform really helps me, especially when I badly wanted to vent out and just shut the world around me and nobody's there to listen, so I just opt to write it here. If you are not fond of reading sulking thoughts and negativity this life has to throw, it's okay to just skip it then next, I do understand it and it's totally fine with me. But if you wanted to take a glimpse of my story, it would be my pleasure and highest gratitude to share it with you as you go through with me in the not-so-smooth journey of my life. I really appreciate each and every one of you here. So shall we?!*
I was not able to say the things I've always wanted to say to you. The moments I wish I have spent my time with you and every time I look at the night sky, thoughts of *what if's* always make my chest feels just so heavy. And as I heave a long and loud sigh, the hole in my soul continues to dig deeper into my being, it's as if I am carrying the world on my shoulder.
I just got to my hometown province 2 days ago, just went home, I mean in my old dormitory for our finals. *Laboratory really is.* Anyways, going back to our dorm, meeting again with my board mates, there were some new faces and of course the old ones. This is how time flies so fast, yesterday I was just at South now I'm back at the North again. A few days ago, as our final schedule for the examination was announced, I was a bit hesitant to come back. Since coming back simply means facing my reality, of what's ahead of me, of what's waiting for me in our home, a few municipalities away from the university where I am staying right now. Coming back to my hometown, I mustered all the courage I have, there were also my moments of last-minute doubts if I were to arrange my things and just skipped my finals or come back home. But here I am now, I chose and ended up taking my exams, in exchange for me facing my not-so-good reality.
I was in the middle of flipping thoroughly my notes, reading, and highlighting some important details, when I suddenly got so distracted and was attacked by my all mixed up and bottled emotions, I can't contain it all, so I just took a short break and some thoughts just popped up in my mind then I opted to write and share it here instead. I do not really know what's happening to me right now. This isn't the first time that something like this happened to me, things like this always happen but just recently I noticed that it does so frequently, as for this month, as far as I could remember this was the 9th time. I am aware that something must be wrong with me. But one thing's I know for sure, I am still sane, I could and I will remain sane.
Right now my attention was focused on our final examination, but no matter what may await me after my finals, I am still hoping for better days ahead. I know a long and rough road will gonna be my path, but I believed, I would be able to cross and walk it all through by His grace. Alone.
Hello, everyone!!! It's been a while since I last updated here. I hope everybody's doing great! I miss each and every one of you here, I miss posting my thoughts and of course, reading your amazing stories!
Again, Thank you so much for reading my pieces and thoughts! really appreciate you all! Love lots!
Always keep in mind that better days are ahead! Always keep safe. God bless us all!!!
Rejection
One of the things I hate the most in this world is the word, ***rejection***, well, I know maybe many of us here hate rejection. Many of us might relate.
In my case, I hate rejection, it simply hurts, for me being rejected means, not so deserving, not that worth it, not good enough, not that lovable. Cause you won't get rejected if you are deserving, worth it, good enough and most of all loved.
There are many kinds and levels of pain when it comes to rejection. Being rejected especially by the people that are so dear to you, from the people you least expect to reject you, from the people you love, might be one of the most tragic and painful things in life. Rejection deeply hurts, not being chosen hurts, when you experience rejection you will start to question your worth as a human, for who you are, for what you are, for what you can do, for where you can be. Rejection gives us trauma but of course, this depends on the level and impact the rejection has on us and on how we deal with it, cause there are some rejections that we take and view as a light one, but there are also some kind of rejections that cuts deeper than the knife.
In my life, I have faced, experienced, and swallowed lots of rejections, not just once, but many times, from different people, from the ones I barely know to the people so dear to me. From different places to different levels. Now being rejected, seems like it doesn't have that great effect on me anymore compared before, it's either you reject me or not, it feels like it doesn't affect me big time, maybe because all my life, I got always rejected, maybe I just get used to it, or maybe, it hurts and cuts so deep to the point of being numb, that I don't even bother to care anymore. But, flipping the coin of rejection, there are also lots of disguised blessings and much greater chance and opportunity that awaits us after being rejected.
Rejection is a part of our life, we can never hide and we are not exempted when it comes to rejection. We sometimes get a rejection, for us to be able to evaluate what's wrong or what went wrong within us, and when we do, this makes us better human beings. Rejection hurts us, it is a big slap on our face, but this will teach us to see our value and worth in ourselves, that we don't need to wear a mask just so we don't get rejected. Rejection closes the door but it opens another and lots of windows for us. Rejection is also a good thing on the other hand because it helps us all grow, do better, make better, and might as well bring out the best in us.
I honestly hate rejection, I hate the fact that I am being rejected, it hurts it is so painful, sometimes it even is unbearable, I hate rejection, but I do not fear being rejected. Because I believe that rejection leads me closer to where I am really meant to be. It may be hard but let us all learn to view the brighter and positive side of rejection, it makes life simpler and happier.
How about you Why do you hate rejection? Have you rejected someone? Have you experienced rejection? If so, For how many times have you been rejected? I wanna know your piece of thought about this, just comment down below! I would be glad to hear from you!
Hello again! Fellow readers and writers! Lots of Thanks to all of you! I hope everyone's fine! Better days ahead, keep fighting! God bless everyone!
Dream
It has always been my prayer and dream as a child to become a doctor someday, growing up, that dream still has the same flame within me. But when I went to study at a university, that dream seems to fade, it was like I suddenly wanted to become somebody else other than being a doctor, it seems like the flame within me to become one has changed. I suddenly wanted to become like this, like that, I suddenly wanted to become and achieve many things as my world grew bigger and bigger. There also came a point when I considered in my options to take a different course in college that isn't health-related. That my childhood dream seems to be clouded and fading as I suddenly wanted many things in life, and because it resulted in me when I came to a point in life wherein I suddenly never wanted anything, anymore to achieve in life, that I got so disappointed with myself and suddenly my goals in life had changed their course, all of my dreams in life became vivid and suddenly seemed so hard to reach and is fading, that I almost give up and stop dreaming, and the next thing I know, I stop for a year in college.
On the contrary, stopping for a year may be one of the good things that happened to me in disguise and ways God had used for me to realize my potential, to wake me up from my negative thoughts, to believe that I have a dream, that I just only want one great dream, that I am more than just what I thought. Stopping for college in a year is painful on my part and to be honest, I always blame myself for having unclear and unsteady direction before, that up till now, I badly regret it, but on the bright side that had become my breakthrough, it woke up the sleeping and frozen dream inside of me, my goals became clearer for me that I finally found the right direction, God had long ago prepared and wanted for me to take and follow.
One of the many reasons why I badly wanted to become a doctor is that I have always been a sick child when I was a kid, my experience in being a sick kid, like, not being able to enjoy playing to the extent with other kids because of health issues, limited activities, I know what that feels and as much as possible I don't want any other kids to experience what I went through, I want to reach as many as I could ever. Also, nobody in our family is a doctor yet, my family background both on my mother's and father's side has a history of chronic diseases such as cancer, diabetes, stroke, and leukemia, I saw, I witness how my relatives went through their illness until their last breath. Thus, my now deceased relatives, their situations, the journey what they went through, and their fight are one of the major reasons that keep pushing me to strive harder to my fullest potential. Accommodating my aunts in PGH had opened my heart and eyes even more to reality.
I'm still midway through becoming the one I've always dreamed of, I know and I believe that there are still lots of struggles, challenges, failures, lessons, and things I needed to learn, face, discover, and are yet to unfold on this great journey. But no matter what the future holds and what tomorrow brings and awaits, I've put my trust and faith in our Creator, that no matter how tough and hard things may come and meet along the way, I know that what He has planned shall prevail. If it is meant to be, it will always be despite the odds and hindrances along the way.
Looking back now, I believe that God already heard my prayers even before I uttered them, I know he has something great in store for me. I believe that God called me for this, to be His instrument to touch, reach, and make a change in as many lives. I know He has molded and is still molding me. It may be really hard, but I know with Him alone, nothing shall be impossible and adversities.
*"For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11*
Hello! Once again to my fellow readers and writers! I really thank you from the bottom of my heart for your patience and for having to read my story, it means so much to me!!! I love you all!!! Blessed and peace be upon us all!
Choose
*"And when the music stops playing, I hope you still dance."* But how could you ever dance without music, are you even capable, or would you ever find the will to even move without a rhythm?
Music is like the air we breathe in, while we are the dancers of that music. Without the air that we breathe in, we will die. Music is like our happiness, when it's gone we will be left empty and sober. Music is like ecstasy when it fades away our body will become lethargic.
Music symbolizes our faith, that when things began to feel and seem hopeless, I hope you would still ignite and keep the little flame burning within you, that you would still dance. That when things and situations go wrong, you would still find the courage to take a step to continue and finish what you have started.
When things around you start to vanish and change, I hope you would be brave enough to face reality and acceptance.
And after everything that happened and you went through, be strong enough to choose to forgive, forgiveness for the ones who hurt you, may it be intentionally or unintentionally, but most all, forgiveness for yourself. Choose to let go of the pain and the hurt. Learn to accept the way things have been, that there are lots of things that are beyond our control, things that we never wanted but still happened and are given unto us. Things that will never gonna be the same anymore. With life's playful and messy game, rebuild your dream again, hope for brighter days, focus on your goals, keep your life on track, stand firm with whatever storm and catastrophe life may ever give, and
lastly, Choose to be happy, again. For You.
Cause when the music stops playing, you still need to continue and keep on dancing.
Hello! Thank you so much for reading my short thought, my fellow readers and writers!!! Better days ahead, keep fighting, okay?! God bless you!
Disappointment
You used to be my hero, the one I've always looked up to, the one I've always wanted to become when I grew up, and in my eyes, you were then the perfect wife and was once the best mom I could ever ask for in this world. But that was all back then.
It was my 13th birthday when I found out something on your cellphone that changed everything. Something that shook me up. It wasn't a wrong send, it wasn't a joke, it wasn't meant for someone else other than you. How did I wish that was just a reel, but who am I kidding? When what I saw and read was as real as the clear blue skies. That single text message that was sent to you that day, I may not know how and when it all started, but I am sure am certain that it was followed by many more text messages and countless calls. Ever since then, I've started to doubt you and feel a little bit kind of anger towards you as my mom. Days, weeks, months, and years went by, and that situation worsened, until such time that my father finally came back home excitedly and happily from abroad without any knowledge or single thought of how broken we are on the inside, how messed up the family he thought was just as fine and merry and, how fucked up you became as his wife.
I cannot see a single reason or anything on why and how could you ever do that to us, especially to our father, when he never ever done any wrong to you, never did he ever said a single cruel and did any rude thing towards you for as far as I can ever remember all throughout your married life and after everything that you did to us, when all that he did was to work hard to provide, give, and support us with more than what we ever asked and needed for and never did he ever obliged you to work and provide for our family, cause that's what you also wanted, you were able to buy and get the things that you wanted and even sustained, provide and give your lover some money from my father's hard-earned money, what a shame. But you know what's funny and I hate the most? My father still cares and loves you, he still opts to choose you even when I told him to just find someone else who's a lot way better than you are out of anger, pity, and frustration. I also can't just shake the fact that even after everything that you did to us, after all the pain, suffering, and shame that you've inflicted, especially unto him, he continuously, always includes you in his prayers, still.
Just today, my younger sister called and told me about the news that you've left us without any clues and words. You just left us, today marks the day when you chose your lover over us, your children.
Sitting with a cup of coffee under the dark roaring skies by the window watching every drop of the pouring rain, I still can't believe how different things have been, how different things have changed, how different you were now, how come you were able to endure and swallow the fact that you chose your lover over your family, your husband, us, your very own children.
It has been a tough battle for years. As the eldest child, carrying that burden all throughout my teenage and adulthood years, hiding the real situation from our father while he was away, abroad, scared that he might have a heart attack once he found out, that was also years, during those times I went through different phases and depression. No one knows.
The moment I received that news just recently, all I could feel was numbness, just plain nothing, and I think it was all because of those every night that I've cried and grieved alone for years before I became used to it, I think I already ran out of any words, I already said it all then and if there were still unsaid, I just let and left it be, my tears also been dried up, all I know was that I have no more tears left for that matter. And the irony? for all those years, no matter how rooted the madness that I felt towards you, deep within me, I am like a child yearning and is silently wishing and praying that maybe someday somehow, you will finally find the way that leads you back to us, that you will finally be going to choose us more than anything else in this world. No matter how ugly and different things had become, no matter how much suffering, pain, and shame you've inflicted unto us for a very long time. I am still waiting for you mama. I will never get tired, I will always wait, look forward, and hope when will you be coming home.
You used to be my hero, the one I've always looked up to, the one I've always wanted to become when I grew up, and in my eyes, you were then the perfect wife and was once the best mom I could ever ask for in this world. These words were the most painful by far that I've ever known. Same words that disappointed me. Funny and cliche as it may seem, but of all the heartbreaks, failures, and disappointments I ever had in life.
***"You are my greatest disappointment, ma, and it sucks, it still hurts, it still stings so bad, every time no matter how numb I feel and no matter how I used to it."***
Hello to my fellow readers and writers! Again, Thank you so much for being with me in my roller coaster ride! I really appreciate you all! Really!
Will be posting many more thoughts, feelings, and happenings in my life, soonest as I can, cause right now, my mind seems a lil bit cloudy and out of focus for a lot of things. If you have some piece of advice you can put it in the comment below, I'd be glad to read and put it into practice. Thank you so much again!
Better days ahead, Have a blessed Sunday, folks! Godbless us all!!!🤍
What if
What if things turned out differently yesterday? Would I ever end up, where I am right now?
No matter how much we try to live our life livelily and positively, there will always be a time when we will look back on how our life went, at some point. Instances when sitting alone watching the sunset on the shore, on a bench in the park, or just sipping a cup of coffee alone in a cafe on the busy broadway. In those moments, as we watch people passing by and living their own lives, we often reflect and look back on what life we've ever had, many are the chapters of contentment and satisfaction in our life and some may be pages of the things we wished we took and not, and of the things we never did, regrets.
As a child, I have lots of bucket lists and goals wonderfully written on each page of my secret notebook, yes it's a secret notebook, it is where I always inscribed everything that I've always wanted in life, my secret crushes, the special happy events journal and my daily dose of emotions, griefs, and miseries in my life as a child. I used to keep on tracking everything that was happening in my everyday life. Going into my bedroom every night and writing the things that happened to me the whole day, was one of the best things and feelings that excites me the most and always makes me look forward every time, the best part about writing my day back then was the thought on what would I write again for my tomorrow's life. If there would be any better than yesterday, new happenings and the likes.
There was this one time, I think a year before the COVID-19 pandemic, when I took a vacation in our mother's house, there in my childhood room, where I have kept all of my untouched childhood sentiments as well as my secret notebooks, it was the very first time that I went on to my Cabinet-where I have been keeping all of my childhood pieces, after years since I stopped writing, I finally found the courage within me to take a look and read some of the pages in one of my secret notebooks, and it was just as odd as it seems that the notebook I have picked and opened was my bucket lists and goals notes. After reading every bit of words in my imaginative childhood dreams and goals, I was shattered into million pieces. It seems like something deep within me was shattered, mixed emotions that are somehow unknown yet so familiar came rushing to me. It was a moment of something more, something that feels like been long hidden or buried in me for a long time. That night of the same day, while I was watching the beautiful sunset on the hillside, thoughts came flooding back to me.
Right now, at this moment, after all these years and everything that happened and I've gone through, of all my questions and what if's in life, my greatest what-if will always fall in this phrase: "What if I chose to stay back then, rather than chase my dreams? Would our once happy home, still be at least be called a home today?" this what if never left and always lingers in my mind, ever since I was blamed for the total wreckage of our already broken home.
Regrets within me for choosing my dreams? NO, I don't have any despite the fact that I was blamed for the ruins, I know within me that I did nothing for the wreckage of our home, it was not me who did the things differently and decided wrongly, in fact, we were outcasted and deprived to choose and to speak up for ourselves. I am also a victim. Still, What if's, keep on crawling within me, no matter how much I do, especially every time I look back and wonder, what really happened. What went wrong along the way, while I was far, chasing my dreams. This always leads me to different bottled-up emotions and thoughts, and I always end up, to my life's greatest What if's.
"What if things turned out differently yesterday? Would I ever end up, where I am right now?"
"What if I chose to stay back then, rather than chase my dreams? Would our once happy home, still be at least be called a home today?"
Hey there, Folks, to my fellow readers and writers! Thank you so much for your time in reading my short piece!!! Highly appreciated!!! More articles to be posted and I am also as excited as you to read your piece!!!
By the way, I have just started here, and I am hoping to be good friends with you all here!!! Again, Thank you so much!!! Godbless!
Ako naman
Growing up. Prioritizing other own: sake, happiness, feelings, emotions, love and even health has always been my practice, not until....
Hello everyone! It is my first time here in read.cash! I hope we can all get along and be good friends with many of you here! I would love to read your stories and to be part of your community!
Can't wait to inspire and be inspired by you!!! :))))
@mstripsy
