STRUGGLES that keep me going

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Avatar for carisdaneym2
3 years ago

I was once planned to be aborted by my parents. How did I know that? Well, I can hear it every time and that stuck to my mind while growing up.

My life was endangered when I was a baby because of dehydration and the sensitivity of my skin and experienced the 50/50 of being alive.

I was an outcast before, am not good at school, I don't have any talent either. I was just a girl trying to survive at everything.

They always want to compare my achievements in life, like what's the point of living here if you are useless.

I was just a girl who loves to read stories about the origin of something, the history of the economy, and of course, fairytales and romance novels.

Junior High School

I tried to change myself when I started to attend secondary education. I study hard but it is not the best for them, I became top 2/50 and awarded as the most responsible student in the class but no one appreciated it. Another year passed, I got into trouble but still manage to be on the top 6/51. Still, no one appreciates it. Another year, being the third year I started to be a working student and I was 15 years old at that time and it was really hard for me because this is the year that forced me to support my financial needs or else, I cannot attend school anymore. Then I strived harder and tried to prove to myself that my life is worth fighting for. I became top 2 of the class and was awarded as being most responsible again but I was frustrated that I can't beat the top 1 of the class. Not because of my own good but for my parents who expect more from me. It makes me cry once more, I feel so demotivated and hopeless at all. I still have one year, I told to myself to keep fighting and fight for my dreams. The grading system changed and they challenged the student to get 90% on average to become one of the achievers, this is getting crazy because I was tired and no motivation. I am tired of being compared with my sisters and brothers, cousins, and even the children of our neighbors. Having a good grade? I wasn't like that, I hate being like that. I don't wanna be the first at all. I hate it. And you know what is the worst scenario I experienced? My science teacher changed my grade with an average of 98% for the last quarter, the reason why I got an award as an achiever of the year and of course as being the most responsible student. Why? I actually don't know why she did that for me. I was ashamed of myself because in the first place I don't deserve it at all.

The Moving up ceremony

Four years of attending the recognition no one accompanied me to hang the medal on my neck, it is always me and my adviser who will congratulate me every year on the stage. During the moving up ceremony, I was crying as I walk alone having no parents to go up to while receiving my diploma, my adviser was busy at that time and no one really walks with me. Why? because they need to attend together with my sisters and brothers recognition day. I need to understand the situation.

Senior high school

I just enrolled in what I think is the best so I chose the strand ABM or Accountancy, Business, and Management. I don't care about my grade anymore all I think was having a passing grade is enough, I don't wanna strive for more. With the help of the encouragement of my friends, I still managed to graduate as being one of the "with honors awardee and most benevolent award" and finally my older sister accompanied me to the graduation ceremony.

What happened before is not an achievement at all, It is my struggles that keep me going just to survive and prove to them that my life is worth living. I hate myself for being like this.

Being a working student while trying to make them proud is my nightmare. But in the end, we are family. I understand that they just want a good future for their children but being controlled is too much to handle.

Why am I writing this? because writing is my sweet escape from reality. I have too much drama with my life but I will still choose to be positive at everything.

Author's Note:

"I am getting frustrated with myself, but I won't be discouraged. This is testing my patience, but I won't be discouraged. Now I wonder, How far can I go? I shouldn't be discouraged right? Yes, I should not be because I type with purpose."Β -carisdaneym

Thank you for reading, God bless. :)

If there are Grammatical errors please, kindly correct me.

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3 years ago

Comments

Kudos, you're a strong lad... I was like why they need to treat you like that when in fact mabait k nmang bata just by doing your best and supporting yourself.. sa characteristics mong yan, malayo ang mararating mo..be yourself

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3 years ago

Thank you for the encouragement 😊🀩

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3 years ago

Reading the first part pa lang, I was like, wtf! Alam mo car, from now on, don't live para lang maapreciate ka nila or yung effort mo. Just enjoy life,ok?

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3 years ago

As always, thank you monshie, Mel. You're da best haha

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3 years ago

Hahahah,, my pleasure dear..

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3 years ago

bhie, you do not need to struggle alone anymore. we got ur back! magsabi ka lang, anytime.

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3 years ago

Hehe tenkyuu lodsssπŸ’šπŸ˜˜πŸ˜˜πŸ’•

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3 years ago

The dictionary has passed and completed many tests. Therefore, you can go to class and continue to senior high school. Likewise in life, we must pass every test. but, believe that God loves us very much, God only gives trials to humans as much as humans can overcome them.

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3 years ago

πŸ’šπŸ’šπŸ’šπŸ’šπŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•

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3 years ago

I'm a man with all problem in my life. But, we must walk to the future together.

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3 years ago

Your words are very comforting, thank you my friend for that. I really appreciate it. I really doπŸ˜ŠπŸ’š

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3 years ago

oh yeah, hahahah, you know, even though I'm pouring out my problem too by replying to your comment hahahhaha

I am glad you can be enthusiastic, I live in a family that is not like, even my family only owned our house last year, all this time my family lived in someone else's house (contract or lease)

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3 years ago

Aww sorry to hear that, we are forced to sell our land and the only thing we got there is to build our own house😒

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3 years ago

I know how you feel, we are the same, but we have to accept destiny and fight for the next few years, right now maybe we are crying, but in 5 to 10 years, we should be able to help people not to feel a bitter life like us

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3 years ago

I agree, thank you for that sirπŸ’•πŸ’š For now, let's save some BCHπŸ’šπŸ’šπŸ’šπŸ’š

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3 years ago

and I will follow you πŸ‘πŸ˜Ž

$ 0.01
3 years ago

grabe ang sad girl mo pala hahaha. Don't worry madami kanarin naman naipon pwede ka na magbukod. charrrrr In the end naman family parin naman sila, kahit na gaano mo sila kaayaw sa kanila kaparin babalik kapag pagod kana sa lahat.😊😊 Pasensiya na non-sense cpmment ko

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3 years ago

Palungkutan ba buhay natin? Hahaha chour, thank you for reading β˜ΊοΈπŸ’š

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3 years ago

ngiii abangan mo article ko haha mas sad boi ako sayo hahah

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3 years ago

For sure nobela iyan hahahshs

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3 years ago

Buti dika sumuko ano, malakas ka kasi matapang ka. Tuloy mo lang yan, kung di nila ma appreciate ang effort mo, gawin mo nalang para sa sarili mo. Appreciate your worth and sumulong kapa para sa ikagaganda ng buhay mo. Di lang sila ang pwd mong gawing rason para mas mag effort, struggle now and someday not just them will appreciate your effort but also the world. Hala ka, kaya mo yun? Iyak kana dali haha.

Fighting Carismatic, kaya mo yan laban lang ng laban, laban laban o bawi bawi 😜.

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3 years ago

I'm crying na ate ruffa 😭 paano ba kasi hahaha ang drama drama ng buhay ko pero tumatawa pa rin ako, iba na takbo ng utak ko hahahah🀣😭 Salamat. Kapag nasa read.cash naman ako nawawaal problema koπŸ’šπŸ’šπŸ’™β€οΈ

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3 years ago

Hahaha, ganyan daw ata pag madami problema unti unting kinakain ng 😱, chorr lang hahaha. Dito kana lang sa rc at nc wag na isipin ang kadramahan.

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3 years ago

Oo ate salamat πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—

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3 years ago

It is too brave of you to share this story to the world. I can just imagine the pain of trying to aim for the top but no one seems to care. Huuggs! May all your efforts be rewarded very soon! You are destined for greater things. Just don't let these struggles strangle you down. Keep the good fight of the faith! Aja!

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3 years ago

Wow korean! Yes po aja! πŸ’™πŸ’šβ€οΈ Thank for your advice po8β€οΈπŸ’šπŸ’™

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3 years ago

I'm really pissed when our parents were just using us as a frame when they were talking to their friends. They just want us to be a framework, but I don't feel any proud to them. I remember when I was Grade 10, I reached also with honors, but they didn't say that they are proud of me, but they just say it to Facebook for positive background of our family. I have also achieved with honors this quarter, but they are not proud especially my father. I said that my average was 90, he didn't speak anything but when I said that I have 81, he stabbed bad words. Bobo mo naman, he said

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3 years ago

Ako nagkaroon ako ng 76 noon kasi nanghula yung teacher ko nakskainis hahaha pero hinayaan ko na kasi nakakatakot makipag usap donπŸ˜‚πŸ’š Sabi nga ni ate meyzee dadsting din yung araw na magiging proud sila atin, wait wait lang pag tayo naka graduate at naging successful eh for sure mapapatunayan natin sarili natin. Buti sa social media nabati hahaha same lang din naman sa ibang students, kunwari proud sila at love nila parents nila pero after mag post mga salbahe naman pala hahahshs

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3 years ago

You go girl :) dadating yung time, pagbinalikan mo lahat. Magiging proud ka sa sarili mo kase, hindi ka sumuko. :)

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3 years ago

Salamat meyzeeeβ€οΈπŸ’šπŸ’™

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3 years ago