If I can just say it all

To lessen the heaviness in my heart tonight, allow me to type here the rants that I hope, any of my family won't sees it.

If I can just say it all without cracking my voice, without these tears in my eyes. Maybe something would change and maybe I didn't have to hear that painful words from her. Pardon me for being dramatic but, this is the only way that can help me to ease the pain. To write how I feel, how frustrated I am and how hopeless I am right now.

If I can just say it all while looking directly into your eyes, maybe you will be intimidated but all I want is for you to see how pure my emotions are. I hope you listen to my voice even though I'm struggling to construct the sentences, even though my voice is too low.

Because I am so tired. I am so tired of everything that sometimes I wish to see heaven above. To touch the sky and say hello to my angel. But the devil inside me is slowly eating my soul. The light that shines so bright changes to shady dark and I don't know what to do. This is so suffocating, I am writing to lessen the heaviness but every time I try to tell what exactly happened, my fingers won't let me, my bursting emotions keeps on telling me something that I don't want to hear anymore.

It says, "die with me" and "let's end this together"

NO!

I don't want you to take my life, I have someone that is so exceptionally dear to me. I want to live like a normal person, like those people who always think about what to cook for today's breakfast, lunch and dinner.

If I can just say it all, I hope you would understand what I truly meant. I hope for forgiveness in your heart. I wish you to vanish that devil inside you and open your heart to the people who really love you.

If I can just say it all...

Maybe...

We can create a bond we couldn't imagine. That all of us can be so happy and contented with what we have, to all the blessings in disguise.

I hope my heart would still be open despite all those painful sacrifices.

If I can just say it all, I will no longer type it. To express my pure emotions, to let my soul be free and stop these tears from falling continuously.

If I can just say it all, I would scream so loud.

Yes! I want to stay away from you! I hate you! Please listen to me! Can you hear me? I don't want it! That's not the life that I wanted! Please allow me to say what I really want. Open the cage, and remove the lock on that chain.

I am so fragile so please, stop booking me. I am already shattered into pieces.

If I can just say it all. I don't need to write these feelings anymore. I no longer need to pretend that I am okay whenever I'm in pain.

Sometimes, when we are in a dark place, we tend to think that we have been buried or we are not existing in the world where light exists. We just think about all of the negativities in our life and that's how I feel.

But I am too numb to do crazy things right now. Plus writing helped me a lot to calm. I will finish writing here and sorry for the trouble. It's hard to live in a world where everybody lies. Where everyone is not free and where everyone is slowly losing themselves.

I wish I can be strong enough to say it all in front of them. I wish to be the person that I wanted to be. I want them to listen to my voice and understand how I feel. O don't want attention, I just want to be heard.

Author's Note:

Article #144 (October 07, 2022)

Thank you for sincerely reading my articles, I appreciate all your comments, upvotes, tips, and subscriptions of yours. If you want to connect with me, you can always visit my account below :)

If you have a topic in mind and request to write about it, kindly drop it in my comment section! See you on my next blog :)

💜Find me on my Socials!💜

Noise.cash |Noise.app|Peakd |Twitter | Torum | Reddit | PublishOx | medium|

 Facebook| Peakd.com memo.cash | Telegram|