@bbyblacksheep

My parents' wedding anniversary The other day I just talked about some of the things that I want to do or share with my future boyfriend and/or husband-to-be. And then it was only recently when my parents celebrated their wedding anniversary. I know it is not love month but I am pretty sure that you will agree if I will say that everyday is Valentine's day. Am I right? Anyway, I said before that I will be treating my parents with a home service body massage however, I failed to search for any so I decided to just order some foods that we will be eating for lunch. My mom and I were already talking about their wedding anniversary since last week but we have not heard from my dad what his plans were. I kept on mentioning that their wedding anniversary is also the birthday of my brother's late father-in-law that is why they celebrated it in a resort hotel in Batangas. Even if I mentioned that, I felt like my dad intentionally did not want to hear about the words  *"wedding anniversary"* because he already spent a lot for our family gathering last week. Then I mentioned it again but I got the same reaction. Instead of waiting for my dad on what his plans were, I asked my mom what she wanted. Last year, we just bought a bilao of pancit and roasted chicken. Then we also served the beef caldereta that was given to my dad few days prior tgeir wedding anniversary. Simple wedding anniversary celebration. For this year, my mom wanted to have a boodle style of grilled meats and a fresg fruit salad for dessert. A day before their anniversary, she already ordered some fruits from our taho vendor as he is the one who sells fruits other than taho and tofu inside our subdivision. My mom ordered watermelon, banana, mango, apples and oranges. When the fruits were delivered, my mom was at the church and my dad was still sleeping. Our helper woke me up just to show me the bill for the fruits and I felt like I was going to get a heart attack because of the amount. It was aroung Php1,500 or $30. Yikes! Good thing I had cash that time because if we are going to wake my dad and ask him for money, he'd get so pissed. That is why he rarely buys fruits since the pandemic because for him fruits are a luxury. But did you know, I wanted our helper to tell the taho vendor to come back for the payment in the afternoon when he will peddle some taho for snack but I was also thinking that it would not be good since it might be his first biggest sale for the day and also a *"buena mano"*. So I had no choice but to give my cash. The reason that I do not want to pay for it first because sometimes my dad will not pay me back and that no one would have the courage to ask my dad for the money not even ny mom. It is either that I will ask my dad for the money or it is already considered as my treat. Noooooo! LOL. I need money. I have to pay my bills tomorrow and I still need a lot as I only have 10% of what I need. This is really bad. Because of that morning shocking fruit bill alert, I was up as early as 7AM and that means I have only slept for 4 hours. I cannot get myself to go back to sleep so I just plated some games and then ordered when the stores opened that day. I ordered from 2 grilling stores and what I got for my parents' wedding anniversary were grilled bangus, grilled squid, grilled pork, grilled chicken inasal, fish lumpia and *pinangat*. Almost all foods were grilled. That morning, our helper also cooked *torta* (pork omelette), fried eggplant as per my request and steamed eggplant as per my mom's request. Actually, the night before, our helper asked me what she would cook and I told her that she only needed to cook the eggplants because it was part of our boodle style lunch. I did not know that she cooked some *torta*. She also boiled some eggs because she wanted it to display on the table if we really were to have a boodle lunch. We kept on laughing at the eggs when it was already set on the table because no one wanted to eat it that day. I was suppose to eat it while we were waiting for the food to arrive but I decided to eat a few spoons of rice and the *torta*. When all of the food arrived, I did not know that my mom was really serious about the boodle style because she did not order some banana leaves from a vegetable seller outside our subdivision. I just heard that my mom and our helper were busy setting up the table and to my surprise, they were able to set it up perfectly. Our helper got the banana leaf from a vacant lot near our house. My dad only remembered that it was their anniversary when he was reading the newspaper. I actually wanted to get pissed at him and at the same time I wanted to smile because he was cute when he was telling my mom that it was their anniversary while he was holding the newspaper when he went to the room. He asked what my mom wants to eat that day but I got to order the foods before my dad got to ask her. It was my dad and I who ate using utenstils. As much as I wanted to eat with my bare hands, I couldn't because my nails were too long. It was only today that I had the time to do it that is why I find it a little hard to type. My mom and our helper happily ate using only their hands. It was had to eat in thr banana leaf as it was too small abd the table was a little too wide. Our helper only got 1 good leaf as the rest were already small. I have been celebrating my parents' wedding anniversary for a long time now and I think this is the only time that I treated them on their anniversary. We were all full that day because we also ate the leftover food from lunch during dinner. I hope that when this year ends, I will be able to give them a monetary gift. June 07, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a photo of my parents taken during my mom's birthday last year.`

Things I want to do with my future boyfriend During the time that I watched my brother and his girlfriend dated, I also wanted to experience the things that my brother did for her like going on dates, receiving flowers and letters. Old school courtship and dating are still the things that I want to experience while I am living. However, since I am a girl and nowadays, some people find it old fashioned to do such courtships and dating. You all know that I feel in love twice. I never received any flowers from them but I was able to receive some sweet letters from my first love. Primarily because I first initiated the letters. I was the first one who wrote him a letter not like confessing my feelings for him but something that I want him to keep and for him to read since he was going on a rest day the following day. Too cheesy right? LOL. I just like writting a letter even if I talked non-sense and I absolutely love receiving it because it is something that I can look back. If you are wondering where those letters are now, my guess is that my mom saw it and threw them away many years ago. I know I kept it somewhere in my room but I never saw those letters again even our pictures. In the Korean dramas, Hometown Cha-Cha-Cha and My Roommate is a Gumiho, they mentioned that they will be listing down things that they want to do with their special someone. It was a hundred things on Hometown Cha-Cha-Cha. As soon as I have heard it, I immediately noted it down not only for my future significant other but also for an article. With my past "relationships", since we were not that legal and official, no courtships happened. We just happened to be together romantically without commitmment after such events. So there were a lot of things that I have not experienced with them. If there are things that I want to experience with my special someone, I hope that it will be with my future husband. I want us to be sharing and experiencing what I want in a relationship. Are there things that you also want to do with your partners? What are those? Below are some of the things that I can think of as of the moment: [  ] Receive bouquet of flowers [  ] Receive handwritten love letters [  ] Watch movies in cinema [  ] Eat in different restaurants [  ] Have matching shoes — *I'm not fond of couple shirts for boyfriend and girlfriend. If it is for husband and wife, I am ok with that. Although my problem with shoes is that who will be the one to pay for it. There's an old saying that if you give shoes to someome, they will run away from you* [  ] Have matching bracelet or watch — *this I have done it with my last flirtationship. He removed my rosary bracelet from me and he wore it. He told me that I should buy myself a new one so we can have matching rosary bracelets. This was where I got the idea of getting us a matching bracelet so I got us a matching bracelet one Christmas* [  ] Travel together [  ] Go on out of town trips [  ] Do yoga together [  ] Jog together [  ] Do gym exercises together [  ] Have my photo as his screensaver and his photo as my screensaver. LOL. — *I haven't experienced this before because we were not official and legal* [  ] Play bowling together [  ] Play billiards together [  ] Play golf together [  ] Have fun at the arcade [  ] Go on camping [  ] Have him hold my left hand with his right hand while he is driving — *I know this is only during the honeymoon phase as I saw it from my brother and his girlfriend before. LOL.* [  ] Watch live basketball together — *my last flirtationship and I only watched it on TV while drinking alcohol. Would have been better if it was live especially during finals.* [  ] Have a spa date [  ] Care for each other when one of us is sick [  ] Watch Korean drama together — *I do not know if some couples do this but I witnessed my brother and sister-in-law watched some Korean dramas together like Itaewon Class and Hometown Cha-Cha-Cha* [  ] Have photo taken in an old school photo booth — *so classic! LOL.* [  ] Talk over the phone that we would end up sleeping while we are still on the phone. — *yes, this may sound so old school. I did experience it once before during high school when I was talking to my classmate and a guy that we met in a soiree. 3-way calling was the thing in the early 2000. LOL. I do not know why but I want to experience this with my special someone.* Those are just some of the things or activities that I can think of right now that I want to do with my future boyfriend or husband to be. If I were to be specific, for sure I will be able to list a hundred things. For now, this will do. June 05, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a photo of me and my last flirtationship.`

Being prepared Some of our older generations do not like it whenever we would talk about death. They feel like there is something bad that is going to happen if we are to talk about it. Days before our family gathering, I was thinking about the memorial lot that my dad got for his late parents. I know that it can occupy 10 bodies and there are now 3 remains in there. My late grandparents and my late uncle. Of course I cannot help but to include myself in the memorial lot. It is not that I am already accepting the fact that I will die single but it is better that my family and relatives would know that I voluntary took 1 slot. LOL. When our relatives came, I was surprised that my cousin brought it up. She told us that she was asking her mom where she wants to lie if ever that day comes. My dad did not actually like the topic but my cousin said that it is inevitable and nowadays it is normal to talk about it so that the family who will be left behind will be able to prepare for it before hand. Do you also agree with what my cousin said? When my cousin's dad passed away a few years ago, they were not prepared. Good thing that the memorial lot that my dad got for his late parents were good for 10 bodies. If I remember it correctly, I think during the time that my dad bought it way back late 80s, the lot costs around Php3,000 (about $60). We do not know how much it is now but we are guessing that it would be around a hundred thousand or probably a lot more. So the only thing that my cousin's family arranged was to where the wake would take place and then it was my dad who arranged when the burial would be at the cemetery. Now, my cousin is asking her mom if she will need to buy a memorial lot in her mom's hometown then pullout her dad's remains and transfer it there or she will be joining her husband to where he is now. My aunt only said that of course she would want to where her husband is but it was still unclear if it will be in a new memorial lot in her hometown or to where her husband lies now. Then I told them that my other aunt who is my dad's sister-in-law in Zamboanga City already got a memorial lot for herself there and she was asking her husband where he wants to be buried if it will be here in Quezon City together with his late parents or in Zamboanga together with her. I do not know what my uncle answered to her back then but my aunt was firm that her body will be in Zamboanga. Pretty much sure that my uncle would want to also be where her wife's body is right? Who would want to be separated from their spouses when they die right? If my uncle will choose to be with his wife, then meaning to say, there is really going to be a slot for me. LOL. I told you that we did talked about a lot of stuffs during our family gathering turned into family meeting. How about you? How prepared are you for that d-day? Have you also thought about it or are you one of those who is not comfortable talking about that day? I know I have aleady published an article about d-day long time ago and I have shared how I want my d-day to be. However, I am not yet financially prepared for it. Mentally, spiritually and emotionally I am since death is inevitable. Our life is just borrowed and we are all going to face our Creator. It is only up to us if we can join Him or not but I do hope that we would all end up in heaven. I was just glad to know that my cousin and I were both thinking the same way when it comes to death. I think before I will focus on my own d-day, I have to be financially ready for my parents. I do not know how much it costs even a rough estimate for a casket and for a funeral but I know that we will be needing a lot of money. My cousin said that she needed to plan first for her mom for her to be prepared when that day comes.  I guess she would need to discuss it also together with her sister. For me, I am ok if my aunt will choose to be with my late uncle to where he lies right now. At least it will be easier for me to visit them since it is only nearby. I even told my cousin that it would have been better if we can buy the other lot on top of what we have so it will all be exclusive for us. As if I have a money to suggest that to my cousin. LOL. Other than our health, death is something that we should also prioritize for our future. At least we would have funds in case something happens to us. Our family who we will be leaving behind will not worry where to get money or if we are going to get buried or cremated. I said before that I was still unsure if I want to be cremated or buried but I think it will be the latter because I would not have to think of looking for a columbary to place my urn. At least I already know where my remains will be if that time comes. Death is inevitable. We better be prepared for that day right whether we like it or not right? https://read.cash/@bbyblacksheep/d-day-aff5a571 June 03, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a photo of the church I last went to early this year. I do not have a photo of the cemetery on my phone. It was 3 years ago when we last visit our late relatives.`

My worst enemy Can you believe that it is already June? We are about halfway through the year. How's it going with all your goals? Sadly, my 2022 goals are still a part of my wishes as I have not yet made any step into achieving it. I feel like I somehow agree to what my dad has been telling me before that I lack the drive and dedication and I am not that ambitious. In few months I will be a year older yet I feel as if I am a fresh graduate with nothing to be proud of. I feel a little emotional today not only because of our family gathering yesterday but because we received a letter from my aunt from the US this morning. My aunt is old school. She does not have an internet and neither does she have a smartphone. We called her right away as soon as we finished reading her letter. She just wanted to ask us how we were since it was March when we last called her. The she was also telling us that my late grandfather spent a lot of money for my uncle who took up medicine but he is the poorest among all the siblings. I cannot help but to relate to that because my dad spent a lot of money for my education but here I am not wanting to go back to my chosen career path. I feel like I will get grilled the moment that my aunt will decide to visit the Philippines. All the mean words that my aunt spoke about my uncle, I felt it. They say that the truth hurts. Even if it was not directly pertaining to me, I was saddened because I can very much relate to every hurtful words that she said. As much as I want to use it as motivation, I cannot seem to do so as of this moment. I am feeling a little faint-hearted. I may not know the reason why my uncle did not turn out to be wealthy unlike with other doctors from his batch. With me, I know that I am still so hung up from my past and that I am not really serious about my life and my future. Yesterday, my dad's opening remarks for our family meeting was, ***"it was in the past so we only have to be positive and move forward"***. That line kept on playing on my head over and over even in my sleep and the moment I woke up this morning. I agree with JLoberiza when he commented on one of my recent articles that failures are a part of a person's success. However, I feel like I was always making a lot of mistakes and had failed numerous times that I cannot seem to move on from it especially from my past. It was only recently that I said on my article, Progress, ***"past is past and that we should continue moving forward"***. What are the odds that I would be hearing that from my dad for our family meeting right? I never once in my life have I imagined that I would hear that mainly from him. He is not really the type to say those things as he would always be negative to the point of discriminating or letting you down. It was his way of encouraging me and my brother when we were still studying. Of course that time we never really understood why he would speak of negativities rather than motivating us. It was when we were already working that I found out that it was his way to encourage and motivate us. I took it the wrong way so instead of improving, I proved to him that I was much worst than what he thinks. I do not know why I always look back at my past and would eventually get stuck from moving forward. It is as if my past is holding me back in making some progress. I know I have already accepted the fact that I should be blamed for how my life ended up to be because of my wrong decisions but I feel like I have stepped on a quicksand that as much as I want to take a step forward, I keep on getting myself deeper and deeper into the sand. Maybe there are still a lot of things, feelings or secrets that have been bottling up inside me. I know that in order for me not to get affected by some hurtful words, I needed to improve more on myself. But how can I improve if I keep on looking back at my past and getting stuck at one point? Do I really lack that drive and dedication? Am I not really an ambitious person? Or is it because I still do not know my purpose? I cannot help but to be stressed out with all of these things. I just hope that this feeling will not be for the whole month of June even if I ended my May and started my June in a not so good way. Right now, I know that my biggest and worst enemy is myself and I think it has been my enemy ever since. I do not know how I am going to improve myself for the better but I hope that I will have that courage to do so. https://read.cash/@bbyblacksheep/progress-1af04d27 June 01, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a photo of my worst enemy, me.`

A day to remember How often do you publish your articles? When I started here on read.cash almost a year and a half ago, I was always publishing everyday except when I had migraine attacks as it was unbearable for me to look at the screen even if the level of it's brightness was already low. My topics were mostly about my life and the challenges that I have had. Being able to express my feeling, thoughts and opinions in writing had helped me feel good about myself. This has been my outlet for whatever it is that was on my mind and heart. However, lately, I have noticed that I have been publishing articles every other day. I feel like I have already shared mostly everything and anything about my life. Am I running out of topics and stories to tell? Probably yes. But I will still try my best to publish a lot more. Recently, I have already published over 500 articles. Hooray! So you can just imagine that I have already squeezed out every juice on my brain cells. LOL. For today, I will just blog about what I have been up to yesterday and today aside from watching Korean drama. LOL. Yesterday, I was a little busy day for me. I bathed our dogs. Although I noticed that Doggie has been shedding a lot of fur and not like the usual shedding when I bathed them. I am thinking that this is probably because of the weather as it has been really hot. I will observe him more before I will bring him to the veterinary clinic. After bathing our dogs, I cleaned our garage and some of the pathways. Rested for a few minutes before I took a bath. Then I made cooked the beef for nachos and made some dips. I was planning to serve them today as pica-pica when we are going to talk about a lot of things. However, I was not able to serve the nachos today as we were so full from our lunch then we decided to eat the leftover food for dinner and order some pizzas in case the food was not enough. Not sure if I have mentioned this already before but my cousin from Singapore is now having her short vacation here in the Philippines. I feel like a lot of overseas workerd from Singapore took a leave because even my college friend also went home a couple of days ago. She will be seeing some of our college friends for dinner but I could not make it because I have already reserved this day for my family. It was late 2019 when we last saw each other and we all know what happened come 2020. We did talked about a lot of things although this time we skipped politics and current events. 4 years we did talked about politics, showbiz and other current events that it was the first time my dad said that he enjoyed our talks. I bet that it would have been great if my late uncle, my dad's brother, was here. He is the one that is closest to my dad and we always get to see their family on every ocassion ever since I was a kid particularly because they were residing here in Quezon City unlike our other relatives who is in Zamboanga City. But because I wanted this day to be a little memorable, I messaged my cousin who is in Zamboanga and I asked her if we can do a video call. Luckily, we got to do it when she got home from work. We even got surprised by her news. The youngest amongst us cousins is now expecting. I was feeling mixed emotions. Of course I was happy for her but I felt sad because she will now have her own offspring although she is not yet married but still I kind of envied her. We are only 7, 5 of my cousins are married and 5 of them are now married. On my mother's side, we are 13 cousins. 11 are already married but 3 does not have any kids yet and of course I am included in not married and no kids. Argh! I am already nearing my 40s and I am not sure if I will still be able to conceive but I am still wishing, hoping and praying for both. I am ok if it does not happen. It was nice to see our relatives in Zamboanga. They may not be complete as it was only my uncle, my aunt and their youngest daughter but it was good enough to complete our family gathering even virtually. We also tried calling my aunt in US but it was only her answering machine so we just left some messages. I hope that we can all bond together soon including our cousins and aunt living in other countries. It was really nice to spend time with the whole family as we laughed a lot and we were able to catch up. I can see how my dad was so happy talking to my cousin as he answers every questions that was asked of him. That even until dinner time, we still had a lot of stories to tell. Today's event had some surprising revelations for me to remember this very day. May 31, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a photo from today.`

Progress A few of us may have had published an article about regret and of course I was one of those few people who did. Most of you know that I started watching a Korean drama, Start-Up, and it tackles mostly everything about life. From lies, betrayal, choices, struggles, failures, regrets for them to achieve their dreams. I still have not yet finished watching it as I had a lot of pauses in between since I let my dogs pee every hour and I also play mgames. Another quote that I heard from the drama was, ***"regrets always come too late"***. We all know that. In my article, regrets, before, I shared one of my biggest regret in life. That I cannot help but to think about it while watching the drama. Why? A little spoiler alert. Like I have said that the drama also tackled about regrets and I admire the female lead as she would always say that she did not regret her choice of choosing her dad over her mom when their parents got separated. I do not know if she still not regret it until the end of the drama as I am only on episode 14. But she had that firm decision to prove to her sister that she never regretted her choice even if she was struggling while her mom and sister were living their lives in the other country. She wanted to prove to her mom and sister that she made the right choice. With everything that happened in my life, I wish I was like the female lead who has that strong and positive personality. I know I always say that everything happens for a reason that we may or may not know why it had to happen. I do have a lot of regrets in my life that I somehow find it hard to forget. ***"Time does not heal all wounds"***, another quote that was mentioned in the drama. I feel like no matter what I do, my past still haunts me. I would always be thinking about that choice that I made years ago that led me to where I am. Maybe because I have never really made a good choice perhaps I cannot forget or I would always regret a lot of things in my life. They say that past is past and that we should continue moving forward. But I think whether out choice was good or bad, we would still look back at that moment when our lives have changed don't we? Sometimes looking back can tell us how far we have come. I may have experienced a lot but I feel like there is minimal progress. Have you also felt that way? No matter how many steps you have made, you cannot seem to feel you are making any progress. Talking about progress made me think about the time when I was on strict diet and our nutritionist was checking our weight weekly. My weight was not going down but she explained to me that there was an increase on my muscle mass as well as with my water percentage. Sometimes we would really feel like there is no progress no matter how hard we push ourselves in doing one thing. That the only easy way out is to quit. However, we should always remember that our efforts will soon pay off. Oftentimes we would feel that we have made a wrong decision but keep in mind that there will always be a silver lining in everything that we do. We are always a work in progress. Life is always about trial and error. So do not lose hope and do not regret what happened because thwre are a lot of ways for a wrong choice to be right. I still may not see which way my life would go even if there are times that I do feel like quitting everything but I must say that my journey had hit a lot of bumps but I am hopeful that it will soon be smooth sailing. I know that it is not easy not to regret and to forget a particular event in our lives but it can help us to be better, stronger and wiser. https://read.cash/@bbyblacksheep/regrets-0b764b3e May 29, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a photo of my sleeveless hoodie with the word, START. Because I feel like I am still at the starting line having no progress.`

Hello, old me Yesterday I mentioned that I was suppose to start another Korean drama but I kept on delaying not only because I thought that the one I picked was boring but also because I wanted to have a break even for a day. Ever since I started watching Korean dramas again, I felt that the old me is starting to come back. And today, I absolutely felt that. The drama that I chose was Start-Up. If you haven't watched it yet, I do have a little spoilers but more on quotes and not really about the scenes. Listening to some of their songs made me remember my days when I was at my brother and sister-in-law's Korean grocery store. My sister-in-law made a playlist for the store to make it lively and to also atrract customers. I am not familiar to some of the songs in the playlist and we also cannot check it because it was Alexa who was playing the songs and it is connected to my brother's Spotify account. I hapoened to memorize some parts of the songs as I have listened to it everyday. I was literally smiling while singing the songs because this is the first time that I have watched a drama wherein I already know the songs. Some people who will see me now while watching this drama may think that I have already watched this because I know parts of some of the songs' lyrics but honestly, I haven't. I am just glad to have picked the perfect drama to watch as I have already cried a little and laughed a lot even on the first episode. Most of you know that I am a crybaby. I cry easily. I felt "*kilig*" or I was romantically excited with how this story will go. I cannot remember the last time that I have felt this super "*kilig*" feeling. While I was watching it, I already thought about making an article about my feelings. Then I thought about the last time that I have felt this kind of feeling while watching a Korean drama. However, because I am already forgetful, I cannot remember what drama but I have been picturing Shin Min-a and So Ji-sub on Oh My Venus. But I also recalled the time that I was still madly in love with my past flirtationship. Yeah, I thought about him again. I guess I really miss that feeling of being in love. Ooopps. Let us not talk about him anymore. This is about Start-Up and not him. LOL. Not only did I felt "*kilig*" but I also thought about a person's struggles in achieving their dreams. I am still on episode 3 but I already have a hunch on how this story will go but I must say that I am really loving everything. Why? Because it has that romance, comedy, drama and most especially some lessons. ***"Never let someone else's opinion of you become a reality"*** — Les Brown I read this quote from the drama and it had struck me. It was not the only thing that had struck me while watching the drama as I was amazed on how they portray positive affirmations and manifestations. Somehow I think this drama is very fitting for those people who are starting their own business and also for those who never stop dreaming. No wonder my sister-in-law have mentioned this drama to me a couple of times. The first quote that instantly caught my eye even if the drama has not yet started was the quote at the opening, "***follow your dream***". Whenever I watch some Korean dramas, I cannot help but to look at the food that they are eating and I would recognize a few since we have those at the store. And because of those products and the food that they are eating, I cannot help but to also crave for it. Just like with the Korean corndogs that they were eating on Start-Up. I made a noisy post this afternoon and got myself a box of Korean corndogs. Do you also feel hubgry whenever you watch Korean dramas? I know majority of us does. ***"Sail off without a map."*** Another sentence that had struck me. I get to reflect about it for a while when I read that line. Sometimes, I love dramas that have lessons because it somehow helps me to become a better version of myself. I forgot to ask, have you already watched Start-Up? Did you like it? So far, I can say that I am really loving it. Additionally, it is not all that time that I like the second male lead even if I still have no idea who the second male lead is between the 2 good looking guys. LOL. With the Korean dramas that I have watched over the past weeks, I feel like it is in this drama and in the last drama that I can slowly see that the old me is coming back. The happy hopeless romantic me. I wish to see that old me before this year ends. For now, I am going to enjoy first this drama. Ciao! May 27, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a photo of the old me.`

Troubling Thursday After all that binge watching, I suddenly felt like I needed to recharge myself. I was suppose to start a new drama this afternoon after I have finished the other drama but I kept on delaying it. My day was still fun since I got to talk to @Firenze. As usual, we were talking about adulting stuffs since month end is nearing and it only means that we need to hustle more because we got a lot of bills to pay. Even if we have not yet met personally, I feel at ease talking to her and @bbghitte about my life, my problems and little achievements. I remember last year when we would update each other everyday especially when BCH was soaring high. We shared every ups and downs that we had all throughout our crypto journey that we somehow had been used to the dip. It was like we have been immune to it but of course it still hurts to convert it into fiat when it is low. What can we do? We needed the money. During my conversation with Firenze, I cannot help but to think of other ways on how to earn. Applying for a job in the food industry is not yet that easy since I have heard from my former workmates that some companies are still on freeze hiring. They also told me that even if things are slowly going back to normal, employers are trying their best not to hire additional manpower because they are trying to cope up with their loss over the pandemic. So my former workmates were telling me that they are tired and stressed out but because it is hard to find a work right now, they cannot quit. I have heard from Firenze that it is not also in the food industry that is on freeze hiring. Lucky are those who currently have a job. So, here I am again, trying to search on some money earning platforms. LOL. I should try joining on Upwork again. My application was rejected before when I applied 2 years ago and I do not know. I also did apply to some jobs on onlinejobs.ph but sadly, I never received any calls or emails. I even opened my Kumu app before I searched for some other money earning platforms. I am not familiar with Bigo and Uplive but I think Kumu is somehow similar to those 2. However, I think Kumu is only available in the Philippines. It qas probably 2018 or 2019 when I registered on Kumu. Back then, I was into Paydro, a live trivia game that gives cash prizes if you have answered all 10 answers correctly. Just before Paydro shut down, Kumu entered the picture. I tried it even if it was around the same time as Paydro. Talking about my desire to earn some moolah. LOL. I actually did earn almost Php400 on Kumu but I just saw today that it has been cashed out March of this year. I did not withdrew them since I haven't opened it for more than a year now. Also, the minimum amount for withdrawal was Php500. I am guessing that it was their system that auto-converted my earnings to diamonds as both transactions were reflected on the history. I am not confident in being a streamer nor a vlogger that is why I only earned on Kumu through their games. Should I muster up my courage? Thinking about it makes it harder for me to breathe. I guess I am not yet ready or I really am not into vlogging or streaming. Do you have other money earning platforms aside from read.cash and noise.cash? What are those? Last time, I mentioned about Gamee, mgames on GCash and Lyka but I still have ClipClaps, Honeygain, Appics and UHive installed on my phone. I have been a user for a month on Appics last year before they made some upgrades but until now, I still do not know how it works, how to withdraw, how to upvote, how delegation works and those power up and power down. Oh let us not forget that I also have the Free Bitcoin Cash app but I rarely open it now. Out of all the money earning platforms that I am currently in, it is only read.cash and noise.cash that I regularly use. I registered on Publishox before but like with Appics, I do not know how it works. Also I think that it is more into crypto related articles. If I were to join another money earning platform, I still would want it to be on blogging where we can freely write whatever we want. Whether the earning is in fiat or cryptocurrency, I am up for it. Although it would be a lot more challenging since I have already published most of my thoughts in here. There are some things that are troubling me today but when I opened my Bible app, today's daily verse reminded me that I should trust in God and in me. I do not know how to trust me but let's do this. I trust that I will be able to pay my bills this end of the month and some other bills in the next couple of weeks. Fighting! May 26, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a photo of today's verse that I got from Bible app.`

Is social stratification important in love? I bet majority of us have fallen in love maybe once or more than once in our life. I am actually the type of person who easily falls in love with someone especially when I would see their good side and if there is a connection. But you all know that one of the characteristics of a guy that is on my list is his looks. I always fall in love with guys who are good looking that. What do you look for in a partner? Does a person's status in life included in your list? Whether it is in reel or real life, a person's status is oftentimes the issue of some people whether it is our parents, relatives or friends. In one of my recent articles, I did mention that I feel in love with a gas boy. Even if he was a gas boy, he was still able to finish his studies but because competition was tougher when getting a job especially some companies prefer applicants who graduated from top schools. As what he told me and as how I can remember it, he took up mechanical engineering at a university in the province. Then he applied at a gas station and was hired right away. He was not only a pump attendant but he also helps in car washing, detailing and auto mechanic. It was easy to fall in love with him not only because of what he looked like but because he was also a good person plus the fact that we get to see each other 5-6 times a week (depends if we happened to have the same rest day). Then the other guy who was making some moves on me the same time that I was starting to fall in love with the gas boy was a graduate from a known school but not from the top schools and was working at a BPO company. Like I have said, both guys were not approved by mom. Her reason was that they were not professionals. I had an earful especially when I had told my mom that a gas boy was telling me that he likes me. Because of that, she became even stricter and wanted me to quit my job. I do not know why some parents are so against their children dating people that are not of the same or high status level. Given my career path, majority of the people that I worked with did not graduate from top schools but they have finished their studies. Most likely I will really end up falling in love with them since we see each other almost everyday right? It is very rare to be in a relationship with a guest. Well some restaurant guests may notice some food servers and show their admiration to them as I have experienced a few guests who would ask me out for coffee. One was a law student and the other was a Chinese businessman who was probably in his late 30s while I was only 19. It was my first job and being in a coffee shop can really build a good rapport with guests even if it was just a short chit-chat. What happened with those 2 guys? I didn't go out with them not because they were our guests but I didn't like their looks. Was I bad? Honestly, I am really more into looks followed by their attitude and money or status are the least of my concern. My standards are not really that high right? Majority of us would have a crush on someone based on their looks then our feeling will grow bigger and deeper if we will get to know them even more especially if some of their traits are what we are looking for in a partner. It will be the total opposite if the person is not beautiful inside. Though there are still some who still fall in love whether they have bad traits. They say love is blind right? I know that parents only want what is best for their children that is why they have high standards. But I do not get why some are so serious with a person's status in life. There were a lot of stories that I have heard from my mom and her sisters since they had a lot of suitors back in the days. Some were average, some were below and some were above. Thanks to Facebook, they saw their suitors after decades. They found out that their suitors who were average and below were now big time and those suitors that were above were either now dead or is living an average life. It does not always mean that if we are low, we would always stay low and if we are high, we would always stay high. That's why they say that the world is round. My mom and my sisters did not have any regret with whom they ended up with. I feel like the older generations think that if you date this person, you have to end up with them because my my mom and my aunts ended up with their fiest boyfriends. Out of all the suitors that they had, the one that they answered became their husbands. That is why I think that it is the reason why mom was so against in me having a boyfriend. They are from the conservative era. If you are going to be or already a parent, would you forbid your child to date someone who is not the same social status as your family currently have? Or what would be your criteria for your child if they were to date someone? For me, if I were to have a child, I just want him/her to date someone who he/she loves as long as this person has a good record, who does not gamble, does not do drugs, not alcoholic and not violent. I want him/her to date someone or end up with someone who is God fearing, Christ-centered and most especially someone responsible. Well those are also my criteria for what I look for in a guy but I will have to add good looks. LOL. I really admire and respect parents who do not judge, discriminate or look down on other people especially if it is the partner of their children that they will whole heartedly accept them into their family with no pretensions. Speaking of which, aside from the criteria that I want in a guy, I also want his parents to accept me whole heartedly as who I really am with what I have and don't have and that we would get along especially if they are going to be my in-laws. It is scary and intimidating to have in-laws who would look down on you don't you think? Whoever we end up to, I hope that it is with someone who will love, respect and value us the same way that we would do to them no matter who we are. May 25, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a photo with my last flirtationship.`

Back to being a Kdrama fan There are things that we usually do before and all of a sudden we would stop doing it for some personal reasons. There are also some things that we have not done before but is doing it more now. What is it that you usually do before but you suddenly stop doing it now? And what is that thing that you have never done before and is doing it now? Few weeks ago, I shared with you that I was suddenly losing interest in life. I did not want to do anything. I also do not want to interact with anyone other than my family. I find my life too boring and feeling useless. So, I started changing my typical daily routine of eat, sleep, draft an article, make noise and repeat. I started watch Korean dramas again after not watching it for months. The last Korean drama that I have watched and had finished in less than 2 days was last February of this year. I am actually a fan of Korean drama since I was in college. Back then, it was either you will buy a pirated copy of the Korean drama or watch it on some sites that sometimes some links or videos have been removed. Yes, I know it is illegal to buy and watch that are not really from the main source and it rips away some opportunities for the movie industry. But what do I have to do? It was the only way where I can watch for free or minimal charge. I am just so thankful that there are now some platforms like Netflix and Viu. Yes, there were Drama Fever before and Viki but back then I still did not have money to pay for the subscriptions. That is why I am glad that I can watch not only a lot of Korean dramas but also movies from other countries. Originally, my plan was to watch at least 1 Korean drama per month this year but all in all I think I have already watched 5 including the one that I am currently watching and the one that I did not finish last year. But this is only this month that I have watched one drama after the other. However, the ones that I have chosen was not really that good that it took me long before I could finish them. Although the last one that I have watched, I was able to finish it in 2 days. It felt nice to sleep past 5AM because of the excitement of what will happen to drama. I must say that I have missed that kind of feeling. I know it was bad to stay up late especially I have been experiencing high blood pressure again lately. So, I am under medication. That is why I told myself that I should already be sleeping by 12AM. A couple of nights ago I also slept late around past 3AM because of the strong iced black coffee that I drank as I felt that my head was acting up plus the soda that I also drank that day. Too much caffeine. It was not intentional unlike last night. LOL. I think the last time that I was this excited over a series was when my parents and I were watching the American drama series, Suits, either late 2020 or early 2021. For some unknown reasons, one day, I just do not feel like watching Netflix. But I am happy that I am now enjoying it like I used to before. In life, there are some things that we usually do before that we find it fun and enjoyable until one day, we would stop doing it for no apparent reason. There are also times when we just cannot fit some leisure activity into our schedule. However, there are also some things that we find as boring that after we have tried doing it, we would start to love it. I do not know if what I am currently doing now is temporary but I am just glad that I am back to watching Korean dramas again and I am really enjoying it. The way I see it, changing my routines and doing different activities have somehow helped me to gain back my interest on everything. It has also helped me to think clearly and had somehow changed my perspective on life. I just hope that in the coming days, weeks or months, I will be able to do a lot more willingly and I can finally say that I am back to my usual self. For now, I will enjoy watching some dramas that have been on my watch list for too long. May 23, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a photo of the Kdrama that I have recently finished.`

I will choose them again As I was about to sleep last night, I was able to think of a topic. So I drafted a few sentences for me not to forget when I wake up the following day. I have again missed another day of not publishing an article. But like I have said, it's ok. *Gwaenchanh-a*. We somehow pick up a few Korean words after watching a lot of Korean dramas. Speaking of which, I started watching another Korean drama after I had finished the other drama. After more than a week I finally got to finish Run On. I have already seen a lot of scenarios like this whether in TV screens. Well most reel life situations are often inspired by real life situations right? Pretty sure you have also watched some dramas wherein some parents were having problems with their children. It's common right? There will always be a prodigal son in some families and I am one of those hence, the name, bbyblacksheep. But there are also some children that were having problems with their parents. Like parents asking for money from their children, parents who gamble, parents who are strict, parents who are alcoholic and so on. Whether it is in Filipino, Korean, Chinese, American or any other drama, there are situations like that. Like I have said, reel life situations are inspired by real life dramas. Not all families are perfect and we all know that there is no perfect in this world that we live in. My brother and I grew up with our parents but it was our mom who disciplined us whenever the 2 of us would quarrel. We were used to our mom hitting us and of course as a fragile child, I cannot helped but to wish to have a mother who would not hit us our get angry when I made a mistake. I remember running to my dad as soon as he got home from work because I was so frightened of my mom. Of course my dad protected me. However, there was a time when I hid under the bed but my dad lifted the bed and my mom started hitting me as soon as she saw me. I thought that my dad was my protector but he let my mom know where I was hiding. Well, my mom never hit me for no reason but it was always because my brother and I were always fighting. It was her way of disciplining us. You may disagree with me but back then, it was normal. Now, I know you can report any parent/s who hit/s their children. All parents have their own way of disciplining and spoiling their child. I know it was childish of me to wish to have different parents. I even said that out loud in my mom's face which made her even more mad at me. I was so bad right? I think it was the first time that my mom slapped me. As a young child, I was never aware of the words that came out of my mind. Then my dad asked what happened between me and my mom and that is when my dad told me that what I said was wrong. But parents most especially our mothers are very forgiving. Even if my words hurt my mom, she forgave me. That did not stop there because when I first fell in love, I also wished that my mom was someone who would allow me to date whoever I want. Rememeber that I did fell in love with a gas boybut I only told my mom that a gas boy and a guy who was working at a BPO company was courting me. Whether it was a gas boy or a call center agent, my mom disapproved both. She got so mad at me that she was forcing me to resign and cut ties with the people that I have worked with. I would get it if she dislike the gas boy but I was surprised that she also doesn't like the call center agent even when she had met him personally. During those times, I had wished that my mom was like my dad's cousin. For her, she said that it was ok who her child would end up with as long as she knows that the person will be someone who is good, God fearing, loving, caring and responsible. My dad's cousin was the one who helped me to convince my mom to take it easy on me. So during the time that my dad's cousin was staying with us, I had my freedom. But when she went back to the USA, my old mom was back. It was the reason why I rebelled against my family because of her disapproval on my love life. It was the reason I put up my wall and would lie to them. The stricter they were with me, the more I rebelled against them and the greater the lies. There were times before that I would wonder what my life would be if I had different parents. Have you also wondered the same thing? My mom and her sisters had also wondered how their life would have been if they did not end up with their husbands. They are happy and grateful that they have found their forever but even parents cannot help but to wonder about those what ifs in life. Looking back, I really find everything so petty. I am thankful that I realized that what I did, wished and said were so wrong. A mother and/or a father will do everything and anything for their child to have a great life. They may go overboard but we should know that they only want what's best for us. I may have realized it the hard way but I must say that I am lucky that my parents are my parents. They may not have everything but they have given me everything. Even if we are to be born again, I will still choose my parents. We may not be that vocal about our feelings and we may have some issues with each other but I will still choose them over again. We may not choose our parents and our parents cannot also choose their children. But we can choose to either be the best or worst child any parent could have. I may have been the latter before but at least now I have been trying to be the best daughter that they can have. The best in giving them problems. Just kidding. Remember to always honor your parents and appreciate all of the things that they have done for you. We would not be here in this world if not for them. May 22, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a photo of me with my parents.`

Is this the life I wanted? This afternoon as I was sitting in our kitchen after I have paid our utilities, I cannot helped but to think about my life. I thought about how I ended up to be this person. Whether you have a successful or unsuccessful life, have you ever wondered how your life turned out to be? Can you say that you are already living the life that you wanted? I remember back in the days that I would blame other people for every misfortune that had happened to me. From the course that I took that was not really my passion because I thought that I will get a job easily in the cruise. I know the past is past but I ended up loving my course years after I have graduated because I realized that I find peace whenever I am cooking and also the fact that I love to eat. My brother who also happened to go to law school because it was what our dad had told him to take. I was also told to take up law but the stubborn me did not listen. My brother had a lot of pressure when he was studying to the point that he almost had a stroke because of staying up late and some unhealthy lifestyle. In the end, he accepted being a lawyer and eventually loved the perks of being one. He was so glad that he listened to our dad. I only knew about that when he was telling that story to their staffs and because I have heard about it that time, I cannot help but to wonder what would have I become if only I listened to my dad. Would I pass law school? Would my dad be proud of me if I did? I guess I would never know because I took a different path. There is someone that I know who blames his father for every misfortune that happened to her life. Her father was a womanizer and she happened to find out about when she was still young. As she met other people, she found out that a daughter of a womanizer is usually the one who pays the price for a father's sin. "*Pambayad utang* (payment for debt)" as how the elderly people call it. Have you heard about that saying? Do you believe in that saying? I told her that I do not believe in such because there are some womanizer whose daughter/s have become successful. No matter how much I tell her what my thoughts were, she chose to believe that she is a payment for her father's affairs and that is why she feels that she does not have any luck in life. Why is it that people like to blame other people for every misfortune that they would experience but will proudly praise themselves if something great happened? I blamed someone before for how I ended up being in the restaurant industry because it was really his fault to begin with. But later on I realized that I was the one to blame because I still had the final say. It was still my decision to begin with. I do wonder how my life ended up to be this way. I do know that everything was God's plan and I know that I am also living this life because of my own decisions and doings. If I am living a life full of debt, I ain't going to blame it on someone because it was I who made that happened. If I am poor, I ain't going to blame it on anyone. I am poor because I did not think of ways on how to improve my life. If I am growing up just like my aunt, I ain't going to blame my life on her. I am the captain of my own ship. I should take responsibility for every right or wrong decisions that I made. I am old enough and mature enough to know and do a lot of things as well as to be independent on my own. However, I still cannot say that I am living the life that I wanted because I have not yet accomplish some of my goals and dreams in life.  Some people who are at the same age as me would probably say that they are already living the life that they have dreamed of and there are also those like me who is still in the process of building the life that they want. I may not yet live the life that I wanted but I can say that I have lived a meaningful life. It may have been a rollercoaster kind of life but it is the life that I had whole heartedly embraced and acknowledged. Of course there were moments wherein I thought about how my life would have been if I had chosen the other direction. Would it had been better or much worst? If you are like me who is still not yet living the life that we wanted, we should still be grateful because we can still work for it. Instead of complaining and comparing, it would be better if we would start moving in achieving that life that we wanted no matter how long it takes. Let us not stop until we can finally say, "*ah! This is the life!*". May 20, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a photo of the sky and sun that I took months ago with Instagram camera effects.`

It's ok When was the last time that you have told yourself that it's ok? It's ok to reward yourself. It's ok to splurge a little. It's ok to overindulge. It's ok to lose. It's ok to cry. It's ok to rest. It's ok if you really do not feel like doing something. It's ok if you do not want to talk. It's ok if you miss someone. It's ok to not be ok. Seems like a title from a popular Korean drama right? But I must say that it's totally ok. It's ok to do, feel and think about a lot of things. It just proves that we are just humans. We are free to feel and do whatever we want as long as we are not breaking any law or we are not committing any sin. Last night before I went to sleep, I was already thinking that I still do not have an article. I did not force myself to make one because first, I was too tired doing a lot of errands and second, I was also not feeling well as I can feel my head starting to knock because I skipped lunch and snack. Good thing that it did not start while I was out of the house. I started to feel the pain after we had early dinner. I was so hungry that I have eaten a lot. The reason why some nutritionist and doctors prefer to have small frequent meals if you want to go on a diet. I'm not really into a strict diet. I still eat the food that I want but in moderation. As I was about to sleep, I told myself that it was ok. It was ok to miss a day without publishing an article. We need to prioritize ourselves and our health over anything else. Earlier I also told myself that it was ok when I was at the grocery. Our helper came with me as she wanted to buy some snacks. Since we did not had lunch and snack, we got a lot of things. My aunt said before that never go to a supermarket when you are hungry because you will end up buying a lot. Have you heard about that? Well, she was actually right. I bought a lot of things that were not on my market list that even I did not bother computing how much our cart was. The budget that my dad gave me was just enough for the items listed but because I was hungry, I ended up buying some chips, dips and also a lot of meat even if my dad had only said to buy half kilo and I ended up buying a kilo. In the end, I ended up paying 3 times the budget that my dad gave me. I was really surprised when our helper whispered to me the running bill and our toilettries were still not yet punched. I wanted to cry because it is just so easy to spend our hard earned money. I cannot help but to think if there is an easy way to earn some money because I would want to apply to that job. Indeed, a lot of our basic commodities have increased and my dad said that it will increase again soon. Good thing that we have already bought a lot today. I just told myself that it was ok if I had bought a lot of things. I just thought of it as my share here in our house even if my dad does not know how much our groceries were. He was even asking me for some change. LOL. If only he knew how much I paid. I know our helper is not going to sell me out to my parents that I spent a lot with our groceries. It was ok because I know that it was for all of us. Then this morning when I woke up, I thought of him. I actually have dreamed of him. We somehow had crossed our paths and he wanted to talk to me that I did not want to but then he said that he got operated for a tumor and it was in his stomach as he showed me his scar. My heart broke seeing it and the anger that I have been feeling before after he got mad and never once replied to my messages had all vanished. It was as if I was still in love with him in my dream but I was already in a relationshiop with someone but I know I was only concerned about him as a friend since we have known each other for too long. Yes, as a friend. I even mentioned about the girl that he was serious about and he said that he would have wanted it to be me but because she was the only person beside him when he was sick since both of them were workmates that is why he eventually had fallen for her. I do not know the reason behind my dream but a part of me is telling to message him and ask him how he's doing and a part of me is telling me not to because I do not know whether he will reply back or not and I feel like the girl might be the one who will read my message. I know that he does not like it when someone reads his messages. But what if this girl is different and he would allow her to read his messages? The what ifs that stop us from doing something. Those were the things that I was thinking after I woke up. I cannot recall if there was a significant event that happened between us around May 18-19 few years back that is why he was on my dream. My USB knows the answer to my question as it holds all our photos (except live photos) and screenshots of our conversations. I was the type of person who likes to screenshot our conversation way back. I do not know how he is now but I do hope that he is ok, safe and is healthy as how he was before. It was ok for me to miss him after I have dreamed of him right? Sometimes there are moments when we feel like what we are doing or feeling is not ok but we should remember that it's ok. It is ok as long as it is momentarily. It would not be ok if you are going to stay at it for too long. One of my many favorite advice that I got from an acquaintance is that, "if you have a problem, just go through with it. Don't stay at it for too long". This advice was personally adviced to him by a known bishop. Ever since he adviced me that, I would think of him whenever I have a problem. So if you are also feeling blue, feeling guilty, feeling tired, it's ok to feel that way. If you feel like you wanted to laugh, to sleep, to recharge, to reward yourself, to splurge, to overindulge then do it. It is ok to do whatever it is that we want to do. After that, go back to your daily routine. And if you are feeling or wanting it again, repeat the same thing. Just remember that everything is ok and will be ok. May 19, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a random photo on my Gallery.`

Am I a gambler? Months ago I have read an article from @Murakamii.7, I bet. Judging from the title, would you know what I am about to share today? It has something to do with my recent article. Oh wait, the title is too obvious. LOL. In case you are still not getting what I am blabbering about, it is about gambling. This was actually @meitanteikudo's writing prompt and I will be including the questions that I saw from Murakamii.7 that she saw from him. I have saved the link before and it is only now that I remembered about it because I really believe that I have been a "*gamebler*". I still want to call it as it is. LOL. But we are all gamblers aren't we? We gamble in every decision that we make in life without knowing whether it is a win or a lose. Even if some are playing safe, they are still gamblers. I am the type of person who is not that into taking risks but there are some instances that I gambled into something without any back up plan. Take for example my resignation. I betted on something that I know will be my defeat but it still became as a win on some parts. I feel like I am just consoling myself with the fact of being unemployed. LOL. What is it that you recently have gambled on? Was it a win or lose? I hope it is the former. https://read.cash/@Murakamii.7/i-bet-1a345002 Ooopps. I think I have said enough. LOL. Let us now start answering some of meitanteikudo's questions about gambling. **Do you know how to gamble? What games do you know how to play?** Yes, I do. I am not sure if it was Monkey-Monkey, a card game for kids, or Bingi that I have started playing with bets when I was a kid. Now that I am old, I also know how to play Pusoy Dos, Tong Its and Poker. Although it has been a long time since I played these games and I hope I still know how to play them. LOL. **When was the last time you gamble?** If we are talking about gamble as in like with money then my anawer would be today. LOL. I played mgames again both on GCash and Lyka. However, if we are to talk about my life, it was probably early 2020 when I have finally decided to put up a Youtube channel. It was a gamble because I do not know if it was going to be a success or not but I still did it. I cannot say yet about the outcome since I have been on hiatus for more than a year now. But if it is something that I have betted on as in big time bet, it would be the time when I decided to be unemployed. **When was your greatest victory so far?** I feel like all of my victories were the same no matter how small or big they were. But I must say that my greatest will be when I have finally achieve my dreams and goals in life. So does that mean I haven't achieved them yet? No comment. LOL. **Do you know anyone who's a gambling addict? How are they now?** As far as I know, there is no one whom I know is a gambling addict. My dad gambles after he had retired from working until the pandemic hit us. Whether it was cock fighting, mahjong, pusoy or tong its, he played either one of those everyday. He'd only miss a day if he had a meeting, he lacks sleep or we have a family gathering. His brother also is a regular in casinos but I am just glad that they both know how to control themselves. Never was there a time that my dad got broke because of gambling. He only got broke when my mom was hospitalized. So better get a health insurance. We do not know how much he had spent everyday before and we also do not know how much he loses. We would only know that he won if he was too generous as he would give us additional allowances. He plays or gambles just to kill time, enjoy and also for his brain not to deteriorate as what he would always tell us whenever we would say that he was like he was still working as he was always going out. But now he is addicted to Youtube. LOL. **Have you ever been to a casino? How was your experience?** I have been to a casino but we just passed by it to get some bottled water. LOL. My uncle toured us that time and he was the one who told us to get some water as they were free. Not really sure if it was true. **If you will play a game in a life and death situation, what game would you like it to be?** Murakamii.7 answered Squid Game. When do you think season 2 will come out? Thinking about those games in that movie is making my heart beat fast. LOL. I don't think I will be able to handle the games in Squid Game and also on Alice in Borderland so I'll stick with a game of roulette where someone will throw knives or shoot the apple on top of a head. Yikes. Whether we are betting our money or not, know that there will always be risks involved in gambling. But know that if we gamble, we either win or we learn. Still a win-win don't you think? After all, we enjoyed every winnings and losings that we have when we gamble in the uncertainties of life. We will only lose the moment we quit. But if money is involved, we will definitely lose if gambling became an addiction to the point of being bankrupt. Better play things wisely and know your priorities. May 17, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a photo of my godson playing with mahjong few years back.`

A guide to mgames This afternoon as I was replying to some comments on my noisy post about the play to earn games, I happened to ask @Pichi28 if she had already tried the games from GCash. She asked me what games I usually play and I have decided to make an article about it. If you have not yet read my article, Game day Friday, you might want to read it first so you woukd know what I will be sharing today. Mineski Global which is a Singapore based esports company launched mgames, a social casual gaming platform. I first saw it on Lyka app last year and I happen to see it on GCash recently. I have been playing mgames since last year and I was really happy to see it on GCash. How to play: 1. Open GCash app 2. Tap on GLife 3. Search for mgames 4. Explore https://read.cash/@bbyblacksheep/game-day-friday-f46c3729 There are a lot of games you can choose whether it is puzzle, bubble shooter, strategy, match games, action, cars or arcade. ALL games are FREE to play as long as you have energy. Energies are generated over time. And there are also some games wherein you need to compete and it require some TOKEN. A token is equivalent to Php15. Like I mentioned last time that competing in games is like a gamble because you do not know whether you are going to win. I even told our noisy friend, avatarcora, that I was like a *gamebler* (combination of gamer and gambler) because I competed 10 times yesterday. 10 tokens is equivalent to a total of Php150. Out of the 10 games, my total prize was Php176 because I was a little lucky in some of the games that I played as I got 1st prize. I was up by Php26 and let us not forget my daily prize of Php80 because I ranked 214 yesterday. Overall I got Php106 yesterday. Are you still following me? Why do I feel that my explanation is not that clear? LOL. Ok, here is a screenshot of my winnings yesterday and the prizes per game so that you will be able to understand it better. Everyday they change the daily games for compete except for BIGAT10 or BATTLE10 which is the featured game for the week wherein the 1st prize is for Php50. In order to be included in the top rank, you need to gather a lot of tickets. Tickets are achieved by playing any game whether it is FREE play or in COMPETE. You can also increase your tickets or even level up your experience in accomplishing some daily quests. You can even gain FREE tokens from quest. You will receive a text if you have won as soon as the **match** is over. In Battle10 or Bigat10, 10 players are needed before they finalized the winners abd 5 players for regular compete game. My favorite games to play are Element Blocks, Crazy Pizza, Onet Connect, Bubble Woods, 2048 Rush, MWords, Summer Vacation, Spore Hunter and Square Stacker. I knew about these games ever since I discovered it on Lyka and I am just glad that GCash has the same games as they do. MWords can only be played for FREE once a day. It is where I have received a total of 20 tickets for having a score of 25 and above. The rest of the games will give you a maximum of 15 tickets depending on your score. I do not know if they still reward players weekly because it is not updated. Last posted weekly rankings was from April 25-May 1 both on GCash and Lyka. In Lyka app, I was able to receive 130 Lyka GEMS for that said week. I guess they have stopped giving weekly prizes because it is the same with Lyka. They even lowered the prizes on every game on Lyka. Probably because a lot of people are now playing on Lyka hence the decrease on rewards. I just hope that it will not be the case on GCash. Again let me just remind you that competing on mgames is already like gambling. You do not know whether you are going to win the prize or not. For today I had played 17 compete games. I tried my luck with 2048 Rush since it was one of my favorite games just like with Onet Connect yesterday. Just like what Ice Cube said, "***you win some, you lose some***". I loss but only a minimal amount of Php7 however I am counting on the daily prize. I was right that I should have stopped after my last win but I still played 3 more games and that is the reason I got a negative. See? It really is like gambling. I have not tried playing in casinos but my uncle said that it was really addicting. You'll want to keep on playing because you have this feeling that you are going to win after every defeat but you will also want to continue playing after you have won. It is just up to you when you want to stop. I am not sure if I am going to play tomorrow because I am not confident with the games in compete. The tickets you have earned can be used to purchase some backgrounds for mgames. I saw one user who had purchased a bacground. I purchased 1 backgroubd on Lyka app and I did not see it on my profile and I think only people who looks at your profile can see the background. As far as I know, the profile on mgames will only show your favorite games, badges, what level you are, people you follow, people who followed you and the backgrounds you have purchased. Quite not sure as I really did not pay attention when I looked at someone's profile. On Lyka app, there is a link wherein you can visit their Lyka account. Other than Pichi28, who here has tried playing mgames on GCash? For beginners, I suggest you practice playing the games using energy before you compete. Then if you already confident enough to take risks, go for compete. Rememeber to only compete in what you can afford to lose. Am I allowed to also use that? LOL. I guess so because you are also betting your money for something that you do not know if you are going to win or not. Play. Earn. Enjoy. May 16, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a screenshot from my GCash mgames.`

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Steady Sunday Blessed Sunday to all of you. How was your day? I hope that you all are doing well especially you, Probinsyana. I may not know what it is but I really wish you well. If yesterday was a senti Saturday for me and today is just as how I named this article, steady Sunday. Maybe because it rained for a couple of hours this afternoon that is why I was so laid-back. Whether it rained or not, I was really planning to not do anything today except to bathe our dogs and a quick run to the ATM. I got to do the latter part but I decided not to bathe our dogs because the weather was able to keep them cool. I know I just bathed them last Thursday but because thw weather was terribly hot, I want to bathe them every so often. If humans cannot bear the heat, how much more if it was our furbabies. One of our dog's favorite place during this summer is the shower. We would also direct the electric fan toward the shower so that it will help to decrease the temperature. There were times when he would come up to me and I really do not know what he wants. I have already let him out to pee, gave him cold water, had already fed him and turned on the electric fan but he still was anxious. Sometimes we feel like he wants us to turn on the aircondition. I really feel sorry for our furbabies. I hope that it will not be that hot on Tuesday as we have a scheduled power interruption that would last for 5 hours. I probably should just bathe our dogs on that day. A lot of things have been running on my mind since this morning and the only way for me not to think about it was to play some games. I know I said game days will only be on Fridays but I needed to clear my mind so I played some games this afternoon. Luckily, I won a few bucks. Hooray! I am planning to deposit my winnings on my savings account. I thought about my article, How I feel? whenever I won but at least I did not pitied myself the way I did yesterday. When I needed to rest my eyes and hands from looking and holding my phone, I continued watching Run On, the Korean drama that I have started a few days ago. I haven't finished it yet as it was too boring. How do you pick the Korean dramas that you are going to watch? Before when I was still so addicted to Korean dramas, I actually do not watch what is popular as I will watch the ones that are on my watch list. Vincenzo, Hometown Cha-Cha, Kingdom are some of the dramas that are still on my list. Thirty Nine was recommended by my aunt and she told me to watch it last month and I just said, "*yes, I will"*. But until now I still haven't watched it yet. LOL. She also told me to watch Something in the Rain last year but again I still haven't watched it. I hope this time I can clear my watch list. Also, I am not the type of person who skips a movie or a drama. If I started to watch it, I had to finish it no matter how boring it is. And that is how my Sunday went. Seems like my day was too boring don't you think? I had also took a short nap after I took a bath. My day was literally sleep, eat, play, watch, repeat. I also noticed today that I am starting to have dark circles under my eyes which was never the case even before when I used to stay up late that my mom and our helper would envy my eyes because it does not have dark circles and it does not have eye bags. Now, I can see some dark circles but not that dark yet. Is it because my face is getting lighter? LOL. I do not want to have dark circles. I guess I really have to start sleeping early. I started sleeping late when I went back home. When I was still at the province I would be sleeping past 11PM and the latest would be 1AM. Now it is either 3AM or 4AM. But I see to it that I still get 8hours of sleep because lack of sleep or oversleeping can trigger my migraine. So that's about my steady Sunday. I am sorry if I bore you on this one. May 15, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a random photo on my Gallery.`

How I feel? How are you feeling today? Were you happy, sad or so-so? Today was again another hot day. Have you noticed that as early as 6:30AM the sun is already so bright and the weather is already hot? I have noticed that the past few mornings as I would wake up around those times thinking that it is already 8AM but as I checked on my phone it wasn't. Climate change is real. And because of that, I or should I say we have been drinking sodas everyday. I know it is very unhealthy but it somehow helps to cool us down. We have also been drinking ice cold water even if we are used to drinking warm water. Just this morning, we drank soda right away during brunch when we usually drink it during snack time. We really cannot take the heat. We would also turn on our aircondition every night but only for a few hours but we still feel hot so we would also turn on the electric fan. What is happening to the world? Anyway, were you able to try one of the apps that I have mentioned on my article yesterday? I uploaded a photo on my article that my daily reward around 9PM was Php67. However, I shared a noisy post this afternoon about the daily prize reward that I got and it was Php65. My rank went down so I only got that amount but still better than nothing right? How do you feel about some money earning platforms? If you are currently employed, for sure you are twice as happy as to those who aren't because you get to have an extra income even if it is only for a few bucks. You have your salary and you have your extra income. Well a money is still a money no matter the amount. Honestly, after playing the games from Gamee, Lyka and GCash, I was sort of pitying myself because I was so determined to earn that little amount of money which was very time consuming and partly difficult like with Gamee because there was a threshold of $10. I know I said that I did enjoyed playing the games and it truly did clear my mind. However, I never really thought that I would end up pitying myself today. I feel like I am so determined to earn in some money earning platforms than to earn in a real job. Remember that I also have some money earning platforms like ClipClaps, Appics and Honeygain. I haven't opened my ClipClaps in months now but it was really legit as I have received my $20 after a year or so I think. I don't rarely use it that much that is why it took long but from what I have heard, you can reach the threshold in a month's time. I know that it was my choice not to work and now that we are slowly going back to normal, I still do not feel like working. I feel like my heart is still not ready to go back to the restaurant industry. I tried applying to some entry level jobs before not only in the food industry but in other field as well.  Sadly, no one called me probably because of my work experiences. In the food industry, they did not want to hire me as a food server because I was already in the managerial level. I wanted to go back to being a food server because there was no pressure and definitely no stress. You can easily not go to work when you do not feel like going to work. Unlike when you are the only manager, you have to go to work because no one can relieve for you during unexpected leave. 4th quarter of 2019, I have been searching for some money earning platforms and I somehow found about Kiki, a photo blogging platform, where I have met some of our fellow readers. It was through them that I found out about read.cash but before we started our journey here, we have also tried a different platform when Kiki stopped paying their users. I know that there is no easy money and I worked for the $75 for 6 months and when I reached that threshold, it was when they stopped paying their users. I was just one of the lucky users who was able to receive a partial payment of $20. Whether it was $75 or $20, I know it was really small to think that the minimum wage now in the Philippines is more than $100 a day I think. But at least I know that I have earned the $20 in a decent way. I know that these money earning platforms cannot make me rich but it certainly did helped me during these past couple of years. I do not know why I suddenly felt like a loser for trying so hard to earn in these money earning platforms. Is it because I am about to face reality now that we are almost back to normal? Is it just a coincidence that I was also sentimental last year? I just happened to look back at some of my drafts and I had a Senti Sunday article. But I know I had also published an article wherein I have mentioned that I was having a pity party. I just cannot recall if it was prior to Senti Sunday that is why it is not saved on my phone. Honestly speaking, I really cannot remember the last time that I pitied myself but most probably it was when I wrote Senti Sunday. I think I am going through this phase for me to motivate myself. From losing interest to self-pitying and to going back on track I hope. Did you also had the same feelings like me about some money earning platforms that only pay a few dollars that you do not know whether it is legit or not? For sure you have tried such platforms other than read.cash and noise.cash. You wouldn't be in one or 2 of those platforms if you did not search for a money earning app or site. Let's say you don't, but we are all here for a common goal, to earn. Don't get me wrong as I am very much grateful for the earnings that I had earned here, on noise.cash and most especially my Php65 prize for yesterday's daily game. I may be a bum but I was able to pay off my bills with the help of these platforms. I was also able to buy some of the things that I wanted and needed. I was also able to treat my family every now and then. Although I have not yet given them some monthly allowance which I have long wanted. Maybe it is also the reason why I am pitying myself as my dad was complaining again about money this afternoon. But at least I am working on something for me to earn. I guess I have to condition my heart to be emotionally ready in applying for a job. May 14, 2022 `P.S. lead image is an old photo of serious me.`

Game day Friday Yes, you have read it right. It's Game Day Friday. Back when I was still in elementary, I love Friday because that means my brother and I can play game consoles until Sunday. Then we are going to do our homeworks by Sunday afrernoon or review our lessons if we do not have any assignments. A kid's favorite activity is to play. If you happen to read about some of my recent articles, you know that lately I have been losing interest in the things that I used to do even in interacting with someone whether it is a family, friend or a virtual friend. I was basically losing interest in life. So when I have realized that the depressed me, unsociable me and the unmotivated me is coming back, I have decided to change my usual routine or to add more new activities in my everyday life. Since Monday this week, I have been doing different things like walking our dogs around our subdivision, watching Korean drama, replying to some messages on Messenger that I chose to neglect and I also see to it that I do some light exercises. I even joined a group video call the other day. And for today, I had only spent a little of my time on noise.cash and focused on playing games. I know I haven't been able to read some articles herr yet when I said that I would do it this month but I will also set a day for that. For now, it's game day Friday for me. I have installed Gamee probably around the same time last year and it is only now that I get to really play with it. It is a play to earn application but very time consuming and I am aware of that when I first started playing with it. I just happened to like some of the games in Gamee that made me to continue playing with it. If you are going to ask me if I have already made a withdrawal, sadly, I haven't reached their threshold yet. But if you are also like me who wants to do something new or to just kill time, then why not install Gamee. Was that a smooth talk for you to use my code? LOL. I will only get $0.10 once you have reached level 5. Such a bummer right? But if you are in the Philippines and would want a game where you can also earn, then you can try the games in Lyka app. I know I have been mentioning about Lyka for a few times already that I even made an article about it. However, there's a little problem. I know that there was notice from the *Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas* (Central Bank of the Philippines) to not use Lyka GEMS as mode of payment. Although as far as I know, the people behind Lyka had already submitted some documents or requirements for them to be able to use Lyka GEMS as mode of payment to their partner merchants. I still saw some celebrities promoting Lyka on Instagram even if therr was an issue with BSP. I am not so sure if we can also use our Lyka GEMS for in-app purchases because they also have Lyka Mall. For the mean time, we can collect some Lyka GEMS while we are waiting for BSP's approval. If you do not feel like playing on Lyka because we do not know when we can use the Lyka GEMS, why not on GCash. Yes, you have heard it right. You can also earn by playing games on GCash. Just go to GLife and search for mgames. You will earn money daily or weekly if you have collected enough tickets and have made it into the daily or weekly top ratings. You can also earn tickets by playing some of their games that requires energy. Energy refills over time. You will also earn instantly if you will compete in some games. But there's a catch. Of course there's a catch. You'll need to buy a token for you to compete. A token is worth Php15. And you need to be among the top 1-4 players who ranked the highest for the game, in order for you to receive your prize straight into your GCash account. Prize depends on the game but prizes are from Php30 and below but there is 1 game per week that has a higher prize and it starts from Php50 and below. Just a piece of advice, competing can also be like investing and/or gambling because there is money involve. So play at your own risk. As for me, I just limited myself to Php100 for today. I won Php30 so I loss Php70. Ouch right? But I am hoping to gain that back if I am to be included in the top players for today. If not then it's bye-bye Php70. The prizes may not be as big as to how it is in some play to earn games but I love it because I am enjoying myself and it does not stresses me out. I get to clear whatever it is on my mind when I was playing their games. Games in compete are challenging and exciting because you do not know whether or not you are the top player. I guess from now on, Friday will be a game day for me. Playing it everyday will definitely consume my time and I would not be able to do new things or activities if I am to focus on these games. https://prizes.gamee.com/get/wr7llall Let me know if you have tried any of the 3 platforms that I have mentioned. May 13, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a screenshot photo from Gamee app.`

My online journal I woke up this morning and saw a lot of red in the crypto market. BCH was at $191 and it even reached $165. Ouch. If only I had some money to buy and I would have bought some. And since I don't, I just have to hope and pray for it to go up and soar higher than its all time high last year. For today, I will just blog something else because the topic that I had on my mind is too depressing. It is connected with my article last night but I do not think I will be able to finish drafting it. Anyway, we are almost halfway for this month of May and I still have not yet done anything on my 2022 musts but slowly I am able to focus on some other things like spending I mean saving. LOL. I had a look at my savings tracker last Tuesday and I am happy that I was able to put in a little amount on my savings account. I just wish that I have also save some on my crypto wallets byt sadly I still have not yet save even a dollar worth of BCH. "*Dear Diary*". LOL. Just by wrting that made me remember an advertisement before when she was writing on her diary and she wrote down that her crush smiled at her. I love that commercial. It was because of that advertisement that also made me want to have a diary wherein I can writw about anything even secrets. Did you had a diary while growing up? I actually had a few diaries before but unfortunately my brother always finds it even if I have already hid it in places that I think he would not find. And that stopped me from writing everything about what happened to me in a day. I would just write, "woke up at 10AM. Ate sinigang na baboy for lunch. Bathed dogs. Watch Run On. Ate Cheetos Puffs. Drafted an article". Ooops! You almost have found out how my day went today. Honestly speaking, that is how my diary looked like when I was in college since I was afraid that my brother will go over my stuffs and read what I have been up to in school. That is why I would omit the important details of my day. Now that I am old enough and my brother is already living with his own family, I never had a diary again even after college. Because it is not only my brother who looks at my stuffs but also my mom. That is why the planner that I use in tracking my savings and my $1 challenge (before), I would only put some codes or dates or numbers or stickers or sticky notes that only I would understand. I know about blogging sites way back in college and I know that there are now some journal applications that are available on Playstore and AppStore however, I realized that it is not safe to write about anything and everything about our life including some detailed stuffs. Just like here on read.cash. Yes, we can definitely share our life's stories but not to the extent like telling everybody everything about us. It is also for our own safety and security. I am actually guilty because I have shared a lot about my life even about my family here but that is because this platform has been my outlet. I get to speak my mind and share my rants, problems and worries. I also get to share about my achievements and enjoyable moments. I consider this platform as my online journal that I am ok even if other people are reading it because they do not judge me or mock me. In fact, I even get some advices and some words of encouragement whenever I am feeling down. Also, some of my stories are relatable to some of the readers. Although, I still feel bad whenever someone would unsubscribe me. LOL. But just like a personal physical diary, read.cash has been part of my daily routine for 526 days to be exact. However, I have only realized that I have missed 34 days of not being able to publish an article. The longest days that I was missing here was when my phone got broken. And then the rest were the days when I have not published any article. I would only be gone for a day but not consecutively. The only difference is that we get to write about anything here even promoting my Youtube channel or sharing about the legit money earning platform that I tried before. If I were to go back to the time that I started here, I think I will still share stuffs about my life. Because the way I see it, not only did it help my brain to remember some past events but it also helped me to unload that heavy feelings that I have kept inside. That's the beneficial purpose of having a journal right? It helps a person physically, mentally, emotionally, socially and spiritually. The only problem is when we hit the writer's block. But then again, we can still write about anything we like even answering questions which I really love. May 12, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a scrrenshot photo of my account here.`

Why me? Why me? Why does it have to be me? Of all people, why me? Why did it had to be me? Why did it had to happen to me? Have you ever asked yourself some of the questions I cited above? Can you remember the last time you asked one or more of those questions? Whenever we are faced by challenges, we cannot help but to ask ourselves and even God, *"why me?"*. A question that is a little difficult to answer. Then some people will also say that they are good people and that they do not deserve to experience such suffering. When I was recuperating after my last surgery, I cannot help but to ask why I had to experience all those pain. I know that I am not 100% good as I have committed a lot of sins but I also cannot help but to ask myself and ask God why me and why not the people who are pure evil. No matter how much I think about it, the only answer that I can think of was that it was my karma, it was my punishment from the Lord. And of course I know that it happened for a reason. A reason that we may never realize. Earlier, my mom and my aunts had a video call to my uncle who was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease. We wished him a happy birthday and for him to stay strong. And then he started crying because of our birthday greetings and well wishes. My mom and her sisters cry easily even in movies so what more if it was their brother. They were all crying while his brother was crying and I was trying to hold back my tears and gave him a lot of encouraging words. I even sang just to cheer him up. While he was crying, he cannot help but to ask why does he had to have that disease and why him. I wanted to tell him that only God knows the answer but I cannot get myself to say those words. Then all of a sudden, I remembered the last time that I was hospitalized and when my mom was also hospitalized. The scenes of asking the question, "*why me?", "why is God letting me suffer all this?", "why not somebody else?"*, all flashed back. Sometimes we instantly question God for every unfortunate event that happened to us that we neglect to think that there is something that God wants us to learn, feel or experience. In my case, I still do not know why I had to be operated twice and experience that pain. I can never forget how painful and depressing it was. When my mom was hospitalized, I am not sure why it happened but I am guessing that it probably happened because God was testing how strong my family are. And with my uncle's case, I feel like God gave him that disease so his sons would be able to look after him. Also I know that my uncle's wish even before is for all of them to be united. His sons are not as close as to how they were when we were still kids to think that they 2 of his sons live with them in 1 house. I remember pre-pandemic whenever I would go to their house, I would have to join this group then this group and then this group. If I am lucky, sometimes I would be able to be with group A and group B together. But if our relatives abroad will be present, they had no choice as we all need to gather on 1 table especially when it calls for a drinking session. I just hope and pray that my uncle will see that one day all his sons will be closer than before. I believe that it is normal for us to question ourselves and to question God why something unfortunate happened to us. What is not good is that we would blame someone or worst blame God for every ill-fated events that happened in our lives. I know that it may be a little difficult for us to accept any bad news but we have to remember that there is always a reason for everything. There was 1 homily that I have heard before in which the priest had asked who wanted to live a life without problems and a lot of church goers had raised their hands and I was also going to raise mine but a part of me is telling me not to. Who would want to live a life with problems right? But the priest said that in life we experience problems after problems because God loves us. And the face of the church goers were still puzzled and then the priest explained that He loves us when He gives us problems because He wanted us to learn and He wanted us to be strong. Actually the priest said that it will only be a problem if you will not do something to solve it. He also said that we have to see every problem as a challenge from God. Everything that the priest had said was true and that is why whenever I am being tested, I would just think that God loves me just as how He loved His son. The next time that we would question ourselves, "why me?", just think that there is a reason for it. We may or may not never know what that reason would be but keep in mind that God loves you. May 11, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a random photo of the sky that I took before.`

Doing something new Once in a while we would feel like we are losing interest on some things that we have been accustomed to do. That if we would force ourselves, we would only end up burning out until we would forever lose interest on something. I had a few times when I got burned out to the point of crying my heart out. I had also forced myself and I only ended up detesting what I had once enjoyed and loved. Getting burned out and depressed are obviously 2 different things. Yesterday, I have mentioned that I was not only losing interest in publishing articles, making noisy posts, interacting with anyone but I was also losing interests on living my life. Like I have said, that it was losing interest on life in general. I have also experienced it a few times before to the point that I was only in my room for 2 weeks. No phone, no television, no music, no interaction and no appetite. The only noise that I would hear is when my brother would check me out and he would shout to let my mom know that I was still alive since my eyes were always close whenever he would come to my room. We all experience getting depressed once in a while. All depression are not the same. Some are light, some are heavy, some are minor and some are major. Most of us know that depression is a silent killer. Some may or may not notice that they are depress. I just happened to know about some signs and symptoms of depression when my friend told me before that I was showing signs of depression. If I remember it correctly, I know I was showing 5 signs out of 8 that she mentioned. More than half and it made her worry about me that she would call me everyday just to check up on me. I know I have saved those signs or symptoms that she was telling me but it was on my old phone. Anyway, I am just glad that I was able to put myself back together. That time I was able to go to different and far away places. @Ruffa was right when she said that maybe I need a new environment. So yesterday, I may not have moved into a new or different place but I was able to walk around our subdivision for an hour with our dogs. I even exercised before that so I really felt as if I am ready to start again. I was also able to think clearly when I was walking our dogs. I was telling myself that I needed to start keeping myself busy and to do other things aside from lying down, browsing my phone, eating and sleeping. Most of you know that I have stopped watching Youtube probably late 2020. And if I were to watch a vlog, it will be limited to 1 or 2. But last year I think I have only watched around 20 vlogs. I have also stopped watching the television mid or late last year and I also limited myself from watching Netflix. Basically, my daily life revolves around read.cash and noise.cash from the time that I joined both platforms. Most of my interactions were from the virtual friends that I have met in these 2 platforms. Sleep. Eat. (Read). Draft. Make noise. Repeat. That was my routine for more than a year. Back then I was still active on reading other's articles and commenting on them. A routine that I have enjoyed and excites me everytime I would wake up. And today I am proud to say that I have started to do things other than lying down, browsing my phone, eating and sleeping. I was staying in our kitchen updating my planner where I track my earnings and savings. I have also started listing down how much my bills are for each month. While I was doing that, I was also watching the TV. I was surprised to see CSI: Crime Scene Investigation on AXN. I love watching all CSI shows when I was in college and it made me smile as I remember those good old days. It was actually season 15 already and there were only a few original CSI stars and in the episode that I watched this afternoon, it seems like Nick; which was played by George Eads, who has been in the series since season 1 was actually his last episode. If only there is CSI on Netflix, I would have watched it. Out of the 3 CSI shows, my favorite is CSI: NY followed by CSI: Miami and last is this one. Anyone here familiar with CSI? After that I also watched NCIS and American Ninja Warrior Junior. I must say that I did miss watching a lot of television shows. Actually, my dad rarely watches the TV now as he has been enjoying watching a lot of Youtube videos. My brother even commented about that last Sunday and my dad only said that there aren't any good movies to watch on HBO. He still watches the news though. But for me, my mom and our helper, we haven't opened our televisions until today. I knew that our helper would watch the news because she wanted to hear about the election. I also did some light exercises late this afternoon. I feel like adding some new activities in my day-to-day life has somehow helped me to have a positive outlook on my life and has somehow helped me to be a little motivated. Just by thinking about what something new should I do tomorrow excites me. I still do not know what to do tomorrow but I must not be lying down or holding my phone all the time. If it is not that hot tomorrow then I would probably walk our dogs again or I should probably think of a new hobby. We may have different ways to cope up with what we are feeling but I do hope that we get to talk it out to our family, friends or even to a psychologist or a therapist. Sometimes, all we need is someone who will listen to us. May 10, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a photo I took while watching CSI.`

My plan Counting has officially started. I received a message from our neighbor who was my college batchmate. She updates me with the partial and unofficial presidential tally. I remember when I was a kid whenever we would watch news that it was still manual counting. Manila papers on the board and they were using permanent markers to tally each votes. I am not sure how long it takes in tallying those votes per precint then but thanks for the counting machines as it has been easier now. Now let's get down to a more personal and a little serious talk. Lately I have been feeling a little unmotivated. I do not know why or when or how but I just feel like I am not that excited to check my notifications here and on noise.cash. I may or may not have published or posted on both platforms but I feel as if I am not the bbyblacksheep (or Jonna) that I once was during my whole journey on both platforms. I admit that there were moments when I have felt like giving up and the first time was when I lost almost all of my seed phrases. Thankfully, I had a few BCH saved here on my read.cash account that I have not yet transferred to my wallets. And I was also thankful that I logged in to my account on my dad's new phone that time and did not logged out so I was able to retrieve my seeds. With the little BCH that I had that time, I started again and I was able to stand again with the help of my virtual friends. I was really on the verge of giving up. Then after a couple of months, I got demotivated because I was not earning like how I used to before. However, I remained thankful because I was still able to pay my bills and I was also able to save even a little of my BCH. And now I am feeling it again. I think I am just worried with what I saw on my notifications. I haven't read the articles yet from some of our fellow read.cash users but of course it has something to do with this platform. You have probably read and commented on some of their articles or even made an article of your own but can you tell me what your Plan B would be if there will come a time that we had to say goodbye to both platforms? Honestly, I was worried when I read those titles on my notifications. Until today I still do not know what my Plan B would be. There may be some other money earning platforms but I must say that read.cash and noise.cash are different and I am definitely sure that you will all agree with me. Not only did we get to earn on both platforms but we were also able to express our feelings, thoughts, rants, opinions and everything else just by publishing an article or making a noisy post. We all had the opportunity to earn while enhancing our writing skills whether it was in our native language or in English. Some of us became creative in making fictitious story whether about love or horror. I have said it a few times before that thid platform had helped me not just financially but also mentally, spiritually and emotionally. But right now, I cannot say that I am mentally, emotionally and socially well. All of a sudden I just felt like I am losing interest not just in publishing articles or interacting with someone but life in general. These past few days I have felt like my contents were not something that I have given much thought. I have also not been a little inactive on noise.cash. Am I stress? I think not. Talking about stress made me look at my past records on my smartwatch but I only had a few times that my stress level went up. I was thinking why I was stress yesterday from 6PM to 8PM. It was during the time that we had to look for another pizza place online. And even if we had placed our orders, I didn't realize that I was still stress. Probably my subconscious mind was thinking that we will be able to eat around 8PM. But I was half asleep after we placed our orders because my migraine was so annoying. Anyway, I am not sure what brought about this sudden lose of interest. I guess my Plan B will be to really focus on my business and Youtube channel since I have been on hiatus for more than a year. I do miss working in restaurants but I think I already had enough customer complaints and irate customers before. I feel like I am done being an employee and what I want is for me to be an employer. And while we are still able to enjoy and benefit from both platforms, I think it is about time that I should really save something from it so that I can have what I can say that was from all my hard work and dedication. It may be something that can make me remember that it was from read.cash and noise.cash. I know almost all of my Shopee orders during the pandemic were from my earnings on both platforms. Even if I used my card in my last purchases, it will still be my earnings that I will use to pay for it. But wouldn't it be nice if you will have a 7-digit savings account that was from these platforms or build something that you have earned from here? Those are what I also like. If that day will come that we cannot use both platforms anymore, I just hope and pray that the virtual friendship that we have built in these platforms will still carry on. Who knows maybe we can all get to meet each other. There have been some people that I know who just met in this platform, seen each other and became super close friends and the rest was  history. For now, let us enjoy and grow our friends while earning and doing what we love. I will try my best to bring back the motivated me and sociable me. May 09, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a photo of my planner that I took before.`

Mother's day 2022 This may be a little but late but firstly I want to greet all the mothers here on read.cash a very happy, happy, happy mother's day. I hope you were able to spent this day with your whole family. I salute you all mothers and also to single fathers who play the role of a mother as well. For moms-to-be, you are already a mother the moment you carry your child in your womb, so happy mother's day to you as well. If you are still single but has been able to take care of their younger siblings, nieces, nephews, godson, goddaughter, a happy mother's day to you too. And lastly, if you have a pet, a very happy furmom's day to both of us. Today is not only for the mothers who had gone through labor but also to every single woman and man who have experienced loving and taking care of a child or a pet. Salute to all the mothers and fathers. How did you spent this day? I was actually waiting for my brother to message me the whole day yesterday if they are to go here but I did not get receive anything from him. He usually messages me a day before if they are to come here and we would discuss what food we would order. So when my parents and I were having brunch this morning, I asked my dad what our snack would be today. He asked why and my mom and I told him that it was mother's day. He just kept silent and I already knew what was running through his mind and he was probably saying to himself, "*oh! Another miscellaneous expense"*. LOL. As much as I wanted to treat my mom and the rest of the family, I couldn't. I am really trying my best not to touch my cards as I have already received both of my statement of accounts and it stresses me to the point that I could have a heart attack. As much as I free my mind from playing games, I couldn't help but to think of it. "Buy now, cry later" is so real. LOL. After we had finish eating, I got a text from my brother and he asked if I got his message. So I immediately checked my Messenger to look at his message and there he said that they are to come here for dinner and he was asking me what food we should be ordering. I said, "*pizza and pasta? Korean? Japanese?*". I excluded Chinese because we just had it a few weeks ago and my brother and sister-in-law aren't really a big fan of Filipino foods. My brother's first choice wss Japanese until he changed it into pizza and pasta. Looking back at my Gallery, last year we had Korean cuisine for lunch and they already brought the food with them. They probably had ordered it earlier that day so there were no long waiting time. Since it we are to have dinner today and it was so sudden, we did not expect that there would be a problem ordering online. We were suppose to order from Shakey's delivery hitline and they informed me that my call is already an advance order for 9PM because the store that will cater to us are already full. I immediately said that we will just order from them next time. To think that it was only 4PM and my order will be delivered by 9PM. As expected, mother's day really is the busiest day for almost all the food establishments. We wanted to order ftom Shakey's via GrabFood but price was a little expensive and we could not use our Supercard and avail of the buy 1 take 1 pizza. My brother and I were both searching for other pizza parlors on Grab. He was surprised why some of the restaurants were temporarily closed. I explained to him that maybe the restaursnt could not handle incoming orders so they must have closed it on the Grab app. It is possible because that is what I have read when I was reading the FAQs of GrabMerchant app for my brother and sister's foodcart business. When my brother had already chosen 1 pizza restaurant that is not known, all of a sudden it had a temporarily closed sign so we cannot place our orders. We were just few seconds away from hitting that place order button when it became temporarily closed. So we looked for another restaurant and it was already 6PM when my brother had chosen another pizza place that is also not known. It arrived before 8PM but it was worth it because all the pizzas abd pastas were delicious. I just did not taste the dip of the potato wedges but my brother said it was also good. I quickly jumped into the time that we were ordering food but we were all surprised that they came here past 2PM when our helper and I were busy coloring our hair. We were suppose to color our hair yesterday but I could not stand the heat. It was also the same today and it is the second day that I have been experiencing migraine. Anyway, they arrived early because they are going to buy some stocks again from a nearby Korean supplier. I was lucky that I was busy coloring our helper's hair so I have a reason not to go with them. I wss actually wearing shades while coloring our helper's hair because I could not stand the bright light coming from the sun. Drinking strong black coffee and taking a shower did not help relieve my migraine so I asked my mom to pull my hair while we were looking after my godson. Last night it was our helper whom I asked to pull my hair. I do not know if it is good or bad to pull my hair but I really do feel that my migraine has been relieved even for a little while. I really envy those people who can move freely even with the striking bright sunlight. Why did I had to be photophobic? And that is how my day went. I just love it when we are all complete. Plus, my godson has a new favorite song. If before it was "*Pipit*", it's "*Ako'y Pilipino* (I'm Filipino)" now. I do not know where he heard about that but our helper said that it was from 1 presidential candidate. Not really sure but I am just glad that he likes singing old Filipino songs. Well actually his longest favorite song was Wheels on the bus during his toddler days. Even if my mom doesn't say it, I know she also loves it whenever my brother's family will visit us. I guess it would have been more fun and enjoyable if my godson had younger siblings and I also had a mini me of my own. LOL. Honestly, I was thinking about that when my mom was pulling my hair. It was because my mom was asking my godson if he wanted a baby brother or a baby sister and my godson answered in a very light voice as if he was whispering and he said, "*baby sister*". I know that in God's time, all of our prayers will be answered but if He doesn't, I know that He has something better in store for me, my brother's family and for all of us. I think I have said toomuch already. Again, happy mother's day. May 08, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a photo of what I got for my nom last year. Sadly, we were not abke to take some photos today.`

Will you vote for me? Just few days to go before the much awaited presidential election in the Philippines. Will you be voting on Monday? Whether you are here or outside of the Philippines, it is your responsibility as a Filipino registered voter to practice your right to vote. Just always keep in mind to vote wisely. Whoever your presidential bet would be, I hope that it is what your mind and heart is telling you to vote. @Sydney2 and I have been taking about our presidential bets a few weeks ago. I was firm with my decision as who I want as a president. I have been a registered voter for more than a decade and I always see to it that the one that I am going to vote is someone that I know who can lead our country. I am not being swayed by how many posters they have on the streets or how many paid advertisements they have on television. I am also not easily swayed by someone whether a family member, a celebrity, influencer or whoever it may be because my vote is always what my heart and mind is telling me. One of my aunts suddenly had a change of heart after watching an interview of a presidential candidate. Then all of a sudden my another aunt had also changed her presidential bet because of her sister. I know they are my aunts but I am sorry to say but I feel like one of my aunts is like a kid that just because her sister changes her mind, she also changes her mind. It is as if her vote depends on her sister and nit really hers alone. To think that she had said a lot of good words on her first presidential bet but it is the opposite now. So do not let your decision to be swayed by anyone. Follow what your mind and heart is telling you. Anyway, I ain't going to make an article about how we should pick our next president rather I want to know what is it that you want to change in your country if you were to be the next president. This question is somehow the same in the article that I published last time about changing the world but I want to know what is it in your country that you want to change. Will you promise to end poverty? Will you promise to stop the crimes and other illegal activities? Or you eould do everything in your power to stop corruption? Honestly, I really do not know the scope of being the president of the country. Yes, I know that he or she is someone that can lead the country for the betterment of its people but I do not know stuffs like some agreement with other countries. But if we are to only focus on just our country alone, I am not going to promise to end poverty. I feel like it is not something that someone can change. I also am not going to promise to stop corruption because whether it is in the government offices or not, there is always a corruption. Just like in one of the companies that I have worked with wherein one of the supervisors have had a lot of cases filed against him even sexual harassment but he is still connected to the company. The company just transferred him to another branch. I actually do not know how we can stop corruption. All I know is that where there is money, there will always be people who will be hungry for it as well as with power. So what is it that I want to change in our country if I were to become president? Mt answers may not be that deep but it is something that I truly wanted. **Free hospitalization and maintenance medicines for senior citizens and free annual body check up for everyone** This will be a huge help for some senior citizens whether they do or do not have pension. Top reason why majority of us are allergic to hospitals is because we know how much it would cost if we are to be hospitalized. Lucky for those who have health cards as they do not need to worry about huge hospital bills. **Increase salary** Whether you are a garbage collector, restaurant staff, carpenter, teacher, police, nurse or any kind of worker, I want to increase their salary. The most reason as to why some Filipinos leave the Philippines is for a higher salary. As much as they do not want to leave their country, they cannot because what they earn here is not enough for their family. I too have wanted to work in other countries but my fear of being away from my comfort zone was much stronger that is why I have never experience working abroad. **No garage, no car policy** I am not sure if this has already been apporoved but I am in favor of this. I know this is only for those who are going to buy a new car but wouldn't it be better if all cars are parked inside their garage? There are some streets that I have passed along before wherein cars were parked on both sides of the street and the other problem was that the road was too narrow. Instead of having a two way street, it became a one way. Thanks to those double parked cars. **Trash segregation** I think I have mentioned this already before on how South Korea segregates their trashes from cartons to bottles to plastic to clothes to everything. This is something that I really want our country to practice because there are only some provinces that practice trash segregation. I feel like it will be easier to recycle things when we have segregated our trashes properly. **No to plastic and plastic bottles** Whether it is a shampoo, fabric softener or a soda, I want them to be placed in a glass bottle. For toilettries and laundry detetgents, it would be better if there would be a pumping station so they can allow their consumers to bring their own bottle in supermarkets and refill it there. And until now there are single use cling wrap in supermarkets. They would wrap each fruit or vegetables individually in plastic films only to throw them away once they get home. There are also plastic packaging in some restaurants and convenience stores. It would be better if they could use other plastic alternatives like a reusable bag or cassava bag. **Physically prepare my countrymen** I know I speak about how great South Korea is that they do prepare the guys for combat and they have a reason for that. But I also want to prepare my countrymen not just for a war but also for survival. Both men and women should be able to know how to survive not only in combat but also in any catastrophe. Is this the effect of watching too much zombie or destruction of the world movies? But I just want everyone to be prepared for whatever that is coming. **Support local products** I will limit importing products from other countries like rice, fruits and vegetables and I will do my best to export more of our products. It is just so nice to see or hear some products that are proudly Philippine made to reach different countries. I do have some other things on my mind but these are among the top that has been on my mind even before. Upon reading the things that I want for our country, will you vote for me? May 07, 2022 `P.S. lead image is just a photo of me. Just think of it as my campaign poster. LOL.`

Pampering day How often do you get a haircut? Mine happens to be whenever I feel like getting myself one. LOL. I looked into my Gallery and saw that it was July last year when I had a haircut. I took a photo that time as I met with my friend, A. It was a spa bonding date between me, my mom, A and her mom. Now I have decided to have a haircut because I find it a little long already. And also I wanted to have my gel manicure remove. I notice last night that there was a second crack on my right pinky finger and it was over the nail line so it hurts a little so I placed a band aid on it. I said second because the first one was on my left index finger but it was manageable. The process of removing my gel manicure took longer than my haircut. The person who removed it was saying that the gel polish that was used was so strong to break my nails. It was only after the polish had been removed did I saw that I had a lot of cracked nails. Actually, I already felt that my nails were cooked too much when it was under the UV lamp. I really felt how hot it was that it made me think that the UV light that was used when I first had my gel manicure before was defective because I really didn't feel a thing back then. I told the person who removed my polish that I did find it a little weird that my nails would crack because I had only cracked my nail once during before. I can still remember it clearly. I was out drinking with my past flirtationship abd our friends more than a decade ago then when I was to hug my friend, I hit my hand somewhere and it got cracked in the middle where the flesh is. Ouch. It really was painful that even if you will just poke it lightly, it would hurt. I cut my nail but to prevent the crack in getting longer and we placed a band aid. My nails are really hard and I just hope that the gel polish and the UV lamp won't make my nails brittle when it grows back.  And today was not only my day but it was also my mom's. She had a manicure and pedicure and I treated her even if she said that she was going to pay. I told her that it was my mother's day trest to her. From air fryer and vacuum to a manicure and pedicure real quick. LOL. I told her that I think it is best to buy it in shopping malls and she agreed. Oh by the way, she loved all the items that I bought from Shopee and she said that I should buy some more things that will improve the look of our house. My mom and our helper have told me about some other things that we needed to buy. They do not know that my goal for this month is to not spend a lot. I know I have already started doing grocrry shopping and now some pamper me day. At least I have refrained myself from availing other hair services. Good job! The weather was really weird and is getting weirder and weirder. It was gloomy the whole morning up to lunch. However, when we were suppose to walk back home, it became sunny and it was really hot. I am just glad that I wore my glasses. We ate as soon as we got back home and I kind of took a nap after. LOL. The weather was not a bed weather but it was like telling me that, *"you are sleepy. So very sleepy. Your eyes are getting heavy. So very heavy".* And so I slept for a few minutes and I heard our helper saying to herself that I was sleeping. She did asked me to load her mobile number after we ate our snack but I forgot. I slowly opened my eyes and told her that I was awake and complained about the weather. Then she reminded me about her load. Anyway, today was a mix of pampering day abd lazy day. LOL. Talking about pampering, I think I want to treat my parents with a full body massage on their wedding anniversary next month. Of course I also have to have that massage not only them. I just need to look for a home service massage. I hope that it is ok for them and they would allow someone inside the house. But my mom actually wanted me to treat her again for a manicure and pedicure next month and on her birthday month. Let's see if her nails are good for a manicure because her nails are brittle. How was your day? I hope that you would also have a day to pamper yourself. Give yourself what it deserves whether food, travel or just that moment of alone time to destress. May 05, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a photo of my nails that I took the other day. I was not able to hold my phone the whole time because of the clippers on my fingernails.`

Mac or Nars Now, let us continue with the second part of the hardest "would you rather" for beauty lovers. I am ok with having overly bushy eyebrows. "*Kilay* (eyebrow) is life". LOL. There was a time when me and one of our receptionists asked one of my favorite boy bands here in the Philippines if we can take a photo with them. They agreed but then I overheard the lead singer saying to his band members, "kilay is life". I am not sure if he was referring to me, the receptionist or both of us because we really did had a thick eyebrow makeup. LOL. Although our receptionist's eyebrows were darker than mine. I was a little annoyed with how he was making fun of our eyebrows. I mean he could have had just joked about it to his band members after we went back inside the restaurant so we could not hear about it. Luckily, the receptionist didn't hear it but because of that, I would always think of that moment whenever I hear their songs. And it still pisses me off a little just by recalling it. Anyway, I want to have that kissable lips on a date so I do not like having cracked lips. I am thankful that I do not need to shave my legs but if I do, I think I'd rather wear a tank top with unshaven armpits. LOL. It happened to me a couple of times before so I just refrained myself from raising my arms. LOL. I haven't tried both but I feel like I am a super diva if I were to wear a glittery eyeshadow so it would be glittery bronzer for me. At least a glittery bronzer can be like a shimmering powder from way back. I guess this is really the hardest. My heart is saying Jessica but my mind is thinking about Megan Fox. I am currently picturing her from a lot of scenes in Transformers. My most favorite movie of Transformers were the first and second. Third was ok and I'd rather not comment on the other movies of Transformers. Anyway, I'd go with Jessica Alba. Too dark because I am acidic. Wearing a foundation that is too dark will make it even more darker on me. This was something that I learned from a makeup artist during my cousin's fiance's makeup trial back then. She first asked if she was acidic. And because I was watching the whole process, I'd get to ask questions. I already know how to do smokey eyes that time but I was really interested in doing makeups that is why I watched them. So I asked the makeup artist about being acidic. She said that if you are acidic, your foundation should be 2 shades lighter your skin color. Because if you pick the same shade of your skin color, you will get darker in pictures. Then if you are not acidic, you needed to get 2 shades darker than your skin color or you will look more whiter in pictures. This was what the makeup artist had said before and I even asked about it from another makeup artist during my brother's wedding and she also said the same thing. She was surprised that I knew about that and I told her that I learned about that from another makeup artist. So after I have heard about it, I instantly think of my pictures wherein I look dark and it was way back high school since I was using pressed powder. LOL. Then I also think of one of my best friends who was always white in our pictures. We were also wondering why and we would call her a white lady. In actual, her face was not really that white compared in pictures. So I told her about the 2 shades darker and lighter and now she looks normal on pictures. I do not know how Chanel No.5 perfume would smell like on me but to be safe, I'd rather splurge on a ruby red lipstick as I have worn red lipsticks before. I do not know how a light lipstick with dark lip liner would look like but I feel that it is much better compared to a bright pink blush with pale foundation. Green and gold. Christmas feels. LOL. I feel that it is easier to apply foundation with a cotton. Although there was a foundation/powder blotting paper back then. Or is it still available up to this day? It was really nice because you get blot and powder all at once. I haven't really paid that much attention to their models but I think I'd go with MAC. Either. There are now cosmetics that can be use as an eyeshadow, cheek tint and lipstick in one. I saw it from a popular Filipino celebrity, Anne Curtis Heussaff's Instagram story last year when she was promoting BLK's products. Lavender rose. It is just so therapeutic. A smeared lipstick can really catch a lot of attention so I'd go with an unblended eyeshadow. Some would not even notice that it was unblended. This is ano brainer. Of course chipped manicure. You always need to look good as well as smell good during job interviews even if they cannot really smell you. Silver. I have long wanted to try those ash grey colors but I cannot since my mom would not allow me to bleach my hair. Oh that's cute. Good thing I scrolled down until the end and I got to see the results. I doubt it if I will ever be the next Youtube makeup guru. I cannot even show my face when doing cooking videos so how much more if it was makeup tutorials. LOL. I am just glad that I did finish taking this quiz. Did you also answer the questions? What did you get? May 04, 2022 `P.S. lead image is the same photo as yesterday's.`

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For beauty lovers It's past 11 in the evening and I am just starting to with my article. I wanted to continue about makeups but I was not able to take picures of it so I decided to answer the hardest *"Would you rather"* for beauty lovers of How Stuff Works. This was the other set of questions that I have mentioned before. Have I mentioned about it? Whether I did or didn't, I will answer them now. I find the questions really entertaining so I hope that you do too. I will just screenshot the questions again to save my from typing. LOL. Ok, let's begin. https://play.howstuffworks.com/quiz/this-is-the-hardest-would-you-rather-for-beauty-lovers?selected_question_answer=0-2 Honestly, I haven't tried wearing a different color of eyeliner other than black and wearing an electric-blue color doesn't sound that bad right? But I am liking that jet-black lipstick on my lips. I also haven't tried a black lipstick but my super dark purple lipstick can also pass as black. Does Kim have a line of her own makeups like Kylie? I'd actually want to go for Khloe because of her show, Revenge Body. I like the way that she gives advices to people and encourages them. I know that is what the show was about but I just enjoyed watching it. I am ok with both. I wear makeup when I know that I will be out with family, friends or when I was going to work before. But if I will only step outside to do some errands, I do not have any makeups on me not even an eyebrow makeup. Although I realized that it is still nice that we still fix ourselves when stepping out of the house even a simple "no makeup makeup look" because we do not know who we are going to meet outside or if we are going to be in a video unexpectedly. I am actually the type who goes to the bank or supermarket with my house clothes and sometimes I haven't taken a bath for a day or 2 and this was before the pandemic. LOL. So the clothes that I was wearing were also from day/s ago. I am just conserving water. LOL. But I must say that I still smell nice as per our helper and me. LOL. So to answer the question, I'd rather go to bed without washing my face since I have been doing that many times before. Stippling brush as it is easier for me to apply. I like both colors so it would depend on my mood and my dress during the Oscar party. LOL. Bruised Plum by Tom Ford is a little closer to Loreal's Pure Garnet shade. Severely dry skin sounds worse for me. They say that oiliness is next to Godliness. Before they say that oiliness is next to ugliness. It is if you produce a lot of sebum because it will only lead to pimples. But having the right amount of oil on our skin can moisturize it. I am not familiar with Tatcha skincare set but because it is for skincare, I'd want that. If it is something like NU Skin's Age Loc Galvanic Spa and I would definitely love it even more. I can go out without makeup but I cannot go out without shoes. Massage. I think it has been 4 years since I last had my toenails cleaned. I think it was also 5 years ago when I last had a pedicure. There was a salon that I went to and the one who cleaned my nails told me that I needed to let my toenails breathe as I used to change colors every other month. She said that my toenails were already damaged by the polish and so I stopped getting a pedicure. I would just pay for it to be cleaned for my ingrown. But late 2018, there was a salon where my brother frequent to and the one who cleaned my toenails was so good that I did not have any ingrown nails anymore. Sadly, the salon closed down. That is why I do not let anyone touch my feet again. I am afraid that if I were to let someone clean my nails or if I were to get a pedicure, my ingrown will come back. Also, my body needs a lot f massages right now. Foxy as it kind of sounds a little sexy. Snakebite would also be a nice name but it connotes to a lot of meaning like you are a  traitor or poisonous type of person or toxic. Blush. I do have a mascara but I do not really wear it that much. A blush or a cheek tint is something that I have to apply on my face even if we are wearing a face mask. I do have a curling iron but I have never even once have tried using it. But I feel like it is easier to curl a haur using a straightener than to use a curling iron to straighten a hair. I guess I would have to try it some other time. I do not have a sunscreen as I just depend on my day cream with SPF. But I'd rather skip makeup primer for a week. They say primers make your makeup last longer. I did tried a primer once. I bought a primer from BYS however, with or without primers, my makeup still lasted the whole day. Probably because it was just a baby powder and cheek tint that was on my face. I tried applying the primer on my crease but it made it oilier that my eye makeup got ruined. I still finish the bottle even if my face did not like the primer. My face was so itchy as if some ants were crawling all over my face. Eye color. That is why I always wanted to try colored contact lens way back high school. But a part of me ws afraid because of the news that we have heard before. There was still no affordable contact lensed before and all contact lenses were being sold in optaical shops unlike today that you can even buy it from Shopee. Wash your hair with perfume. Not all perfumes smell nice on a person. Originally it smells like floral but it would smell like woody when it is sprayed on other people. Also, there are perfumes when sprayed too much can give us a headache. Being a person who is a little sensitive with smell especially when I have migraine attacks, washing my hair with perfume would be worse. It might also trigger my allergic rhinitis. Even clothes and bed sheets that had a powerful scent of fabric conditioner made me sneeze the whole time I was wearing my shirt. My eyes were already watery and my nose was runny. I can never forget that. We brought our clothes to a laundry shop because it has been raining for days and we couldn't do our laundry. We all know that the smell is powerful when it has been washed from a laundry shop. I like the smell but I just could not stop sneezing. Didn't notice that this was already too long and I have only answered half of the questionnaire. This would definitely have a part 2. May 03, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a photo of my mascara.`

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Makeup kit raid I have already shared with you my skincare routine before when I published an article about almost all the skincare products that I have tried in the past. My skincare routine is just basic facial wash, toner and cream. If I am feeling like putting some face mask, I'd skip the toner and cream and place the mask on top of my face. Simple. Less is more right? Now, let me share with you my makeup routine. I mean my makeup kit. LOL. Should I make a GRWM article? I will think about that. Anyway, this has been my go-to kit as it is handy and I can easily bring it with me whenever I would go out before. It is just an ordinary pencil case or pencil holder type of makeup kit. My cousin gave it to me more than a decade ago and have been using it ever since. I still have other makeup kits that are pencil case type but I like how light and compact this is. So what are the contents of my makeup kit? Continue reading if you wish to see what's inside. **Ever Bilena lipstick (Sienna)** This is really not my shade and I do not know why it is inside my makeup kit but I did bought it way back for me to have different shades everyday. My favorite lipstick shade is inside the pockets of my bag. Actually, I do bring a lot of lipstick with me. They are just not inside mt makeup kit since my kit is small. **Brushes** I just realized that I do have a lot of brushes in my kit. All in all I have 6 since one of the brushes is 2-in-one. I use these brushes for my eyes when doing smokey eyes. But I actually just use 2, one for applying eyeshadow and the other one for blending. **Retractable eye pencil** I only found out that I there is nothing left from Nichido's eye pencil. I still took a photo of it because it is still part of this makeup kit raid. LOL. The one on the right is an unbranded retractable eyebrow pencil that I bought from Shopee. It was for less than Php50 and a cheaper version of The Face Shop's eyebrow pencil. I use eye pencils for my eyebrows. Between doing a smokey eyes and achieving that perfect eyebrows, I find it challenging in doing the latter. I have 3 steps in doing my eyebrows before but now it is only down to 1. Either this eyebrow pencil or an eyebrow gel. Depends on my mood. **Fashion 21 eyebrow gel (brown)** Like what I have just said, I use eyebrow pencil or eyebrow gel in doing my eyebrows nowadays. But I kind of miss my 3 step eyebrow makeup routine. LOL. Eyebrow gel was my third step before. I would finish my eyebrows with a gel. This is the first time that I have tried this brand as it was recommended by the personnel in Fashion 21. She saw me holding a Nichido eyebrow gel in Brunette; which was my brand and shade ever since I started using an eyebrow gel. She sales talked me and because I was a little shy to turn her down, I bought what she offered. Quick question: do you also feel the same way when a sales personnel would come up to you and offer you different products? I do and most of the times when they are going to offer you something, we all know that the price will be a little higher. In this case, I do not know which was more expensive between Fashion 21 and Nichido or if the prices are just the same but I must say that I did not regret that I did not turned her down. I like it even more than Nichido's. **Maybelline Great Lash Mascara** One of my best friends gave me this. Maybe because I do not have an eyelash curler that is why I feel like all mascaras are the same whether it is for length  volume, curl and to have that salon lift. I do not know why some brands have different types of mascara take for example Maybelline. There was a time when I was going to buy a mascara and I really couldn't decide because I liked everything that Maybelline have. **You's pen eyeliner** This was another recommendation from Fashion 21's sales personnel. I was surprised that she recommended a different brand for an eyeliner and that made me believe that she was just really recommending makeup items that of high quality. I prefer pen types as they are easy to carry and is not bulk like the liquid eyeliner or Fashion 21. For liquid eyeliner, I used to like Fashion 21 because of how cute its container is and it is also affordable. However, I noticed a change in the quality because after wearing it for more than 8 hours, I would feel that it starts to stick onto my crease making me look like I have a double eyelid. So whenever I would feel like it is starting to get sticky, I would just place my finger on my crease. I do not know why it happens but I am glad that I have now found a good eyeliner that really lasts long. **Eye shadows** This are not really my go to colors but it is just in my makeup kit but the brown and  blue in square form, I use them when I feel like using them. The other 2 eye shadows In 2 It and Victoria's Secret does not look good on me. But I still try to use them especially the latter as it was a gift from one of my best friends who also gave me the mascara. She likes giving me makeup items because she knows that I love it and I will use it. Although there was a lipstick that she gave me but it was in a baby pink shade. I feel like baby pink lips does not suit my skin color. I wonder where it is. My go to eyeshadows are inside my bag. It has 4 colors white, dark brown, gold and bronze. It is a little bulky that is why it is not inside this kit. I guess I will try to make a room for it so they are all together. There you have it. Those are the contents of my makeup kit. When I was in college, I used to buy different makeup kits of different shapes and sizes. But when I grew up, I realized how inconvenient it is to have a bulky makeup kit inside my bag that is why I opted for light and compact makeup kits. My sister-in-law have medium sized square see through makeup kit that she bring with her when she would step out od the house. She does her makeup inside the car and she also leaves her makeup kit there. She focuses more on foundation and concealers since she have some dark spots. She has a lighter skin color so dark spots are really noticeable on her. I guess if I also have a car and I would have an extra makeup kit there and another one that I will leave in the house. But most of the times I see to it that I have already put on my makeup when stepping out of the house so I would not have to bring my kit with me. Do you also have a makeup kit? Can I see what's inside it? May 02, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a photo of my makeup kit.`

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My goals this month We are actually nearing the half of 2022. It feels like it was just yesterday when we celebrated Christmas and New Year and here we are almost halfway there. Why do I feel like time is much faster nowadays compared to when I was still a kid? I guess I just have to accept that we are kind of likr in a time-lapse setting even if then and now, a day has 24 hours, 60 minutes in an hour and 60 seconds in a minute. It's already May. Why did I suddenly thought of Justin Timberlake when I said "*it's already May*"? LOL. Do you know about that joke? It is because of NSYNC's song, It's Gonna Be Me where Justin Timberlake is a member of the band. The way that Justin sang it was like  "*It's gonna be May*". LOL. I miss those boy and girl bands before. Enough with that and let's be serious now since iy is already the 5th month of the year. How's it going with your 2022 goals as well as your monthly goals from the past 4 months? Don't bother asking about my goals because I did the opposite. Instead of saving, I went on splurging. I better practice not to use my cards or else I am going to repeat the same mistake again. In case you do not know, I had a huge credit card debt that I paid for 5 years. I know it is not something to brag about but this can be a reminder for everyone especially to people who are going to have their first time card. What is your first impression of a credit card? Credit cards can be our knight in shining armor that will come to our aid when finances get tough but they can also be that scary monster that we are afraid of and we will hide from them. It really depends on a person on how they are going to use their credit cards. For me, my credit card is one of my best friends that I can depend on whenever I needed to buy something then I will just pay it when it is time to pay. I have been using my cards for almost a decade and we sometimes have this love-hate relationship but it was definitely my fault because I overspend when I do not have anything to pay but I still paid it even the minimum amount due and that is when things start to get hurt because paying in minimum amount would only incur interest for your outstanding balance. But I am glad that I have paid mine already although I am again starting my old bad habits. So if you are going to have a card of your own in the future, **always remember to only use your card if you can pay for it**. In short, **be a responsible credit card user. Pay your credit card debt in full but if it is a little difficult, at least pay more than the minimum amount due**. Think of it as Shopee's SPay Later. Who here has tried it? Honestly, I haven't tried it but it sure is tempting since you can pay a particular item in lighter payments for 6 months. If you missed paying your credit card debt, inform them right away. **Never ever hide from any calls, messages or emails from your bank.** We do not like it when someone who owes us some money hides from us right? So do not also do that if you have a credit card debt. **Reach out to them, tell them that you are on a tight budget and ask if there is a way to make your balance less lighter.** For sure that they would be able to help you think of a solution. The reason why I paid for my debt for 5 years was that I have maxed out my cards. **So never ever maxed out your card as well.** For 3 years, I was only paying the minimum amount and it did not had any changes. Thankfully, they increased my limit and it somehow made a way for me to convert my outstanding balance to be payable in 24 months. I did reached out to my bank during the first few months that I was only paying a minimum amount and they told me that I needed to pay at least 4 or 5 times the minimum amount in order for me to request for a balance conversion as it also had interest but it was only minimal unlike with the monthly interest  rate of the card itself. If you are in the same situation that I have been and you think that you cannot make it into that pool of debt, I am telling you that you can. Hey, I made it and so will you. If you are planning to ignore your bank and even the third-party collections agency for the rest of your life, I advice you not to. It will be harder for you to apply for another card from other banks and you will also have a problem once you needed to loan from banks in the future. Whether it is for a house loan, car loan, business loan or any other loans, as long as it is a loan from a bank, it will be hard for them to grant you one becauase of your credit card debt. As long as you havenot settled it and you have not yet given a certification, you are still in the database for having a bad credit standing. You would not like that to happen right? One of my former workmates ignored her credit card obligations and she was not able to get a new card from other banks even some bank loans. I do not know what she did as we have lost contact with each other. Do you know someone who also ignored their credit card debts? Did they settle their debts or they are really planning to ignore it for the rest of their life? I do not have plans of ignoring my credit card issuer but I am just curious if one can really not get a new cars or a loan. There was also an article that my workmate read before wherein it says that she can directly talk to the bank and not to the collections agency to settle the payment even if not the full amount. She was doubtful so she did not tried calling the bank. It's scary to have a credit card right? But it would not be scary if you would be a responsible credit card holder. **Think before you swipe**. As for me, yes I did think before I swiped my cards however, I have that mindset that I can pay for what I spent although not in full amount. Definitely not a wise thinking right? And that is what I should practice. For the past 5 years, I have managed not to use my cards because there was nothing to use in the first place as it was already maxed out. Even if I can see that it was slowly getting back it's limit, I still did not use it. But before I became zero debt, I started to use them. And that is what my goal for this month. To be zero debt? No but yes. LOL. I will be zero debt not this month but before this year ends. Going back to this month's goal, I am going to refrain myself from using my cards and most especially online shopping or even ~~grocery shopping~~. Ooopps. I just used it when I went to the grocery this afternoon. LOL. It was only for a small amount and I did not want to sell my BCH and you all know the reason why. What is happening to the crypto world? Everyone was so happy last year even I who lost all her wallets because BCH was flying to the moon. But I do have a feeling that it will soar high again after this dip. Aside from refraining from using my cards, I have to divert my attention here and on noise.cash. I think I have only read less than 5 articles last month and zero last March. So expect me to flood you all this month. Lastly, getting fit. Well it has been my goal also last month and actually it was my 2022 musts. However, I kept on eating during the first 3 months. At least I was able eat less now that I back home and I have also been moving a lot more especially during the past 2 weeks since we needed to walk Dice and of course we also brought with us our 2 other dogs. Doggo and I need to be physically active as we have gained a lot. And those are my goals for this month. I think this article is more about credit card management than my goals don't you think? LOL. I realized that I have talked a lot more about it than my goals. Did you set some new goals this month? What are those? Have you achieved your goals these past months? I hope you did but even if you didn't, do not feel stressed or pressured. There maybe a lot of possible reasons as to why you didn't achieve it. Don't worry. Just set them again this month and then on the other month until you achieve it. By the way, salute to all workers around the world. Happy Labor Day. May 01, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a photo of my planner from month/s ago.`

Additional Shopee orders Shopee payday. Oh this is really bad. LOL. I said last time that I might be ordering a few things and so I did. I was suppose to order them a few days ago but I waited for today for additional discounts. It is just a bummer that I have to choose between free shipping or a 10% discount which is not a case before because you can choose both. My priority for today was to buy an air fryer for my mom and a vacuum cleaner since ours got broken. We had it repaired twice already so I think it is really telling us that it should retire. However, choosing and ordering some appliances online are too difficult. Yes, I read a lot of good reviews about a particular item and that is what makes it even harder to pick what brank or style I should be getting. Do you have any suggestions for an air fryer and vacuum? I was checking out both items from Gaabor. It's like hitting 2 birds with 1 stone right? I also looked at Lotus' vacuum. But I guess I will just have my mom choose what air fryer and vacuum she likes. Instead of buying those 2 important items, I ended up buying some not so important items. Tsktsktsk. The impulsive me is once again kicking in. This is really, really, really bad. LOL. Ok, so here's what I got: **4 layer moving rack** I am planning to place this beside our water dispenser. I will be placing only light items like coffee, creamer, sugar. I do not know if it is a good idea to also place the coffee maker here but I will be also placing my dad's low fat milk in here. We do have a pantry but apparently, our helper likes to place the coffee set on top of the buffet table. Her reason was that we/they make coffee everyday so it is much better to place them in an accessible area. Although, she keeps the spreads inside the pantry when we also use it everyday. So I really do not know why she has to place the coffee set on the buffet table. Anyway, on the other layers, I am also planning to place some kitchen towels and table napkins. Just so I can really free our buffet table from any clutter. **Iwata portable rechargeable fan** I saw that it was on sale so I bought one. I have long wanted to have a portable rechargeable fan. A hand fan is really my thing even before because I do sweat easily. This brand is what my godson had been using when he was still a baby until he was a toddler. I do not know where it is now but I got myself one. **Ear savers** I do not know until when we are going to wear a mask but I feel like I needed to have ear savers. Not only does the garter hurt my ears but it also makes my head hurts. That is why there were only a few headbands that I wore before. Or if I were to wear them, after a few hours, I would have made it into a necklace because I can already feel the pressure on my head. **Self inking identity theft protection roller stamp** Even when I was still a kid, my mom had taught me to never ever throw anything that has our name on it. So she would cut those things that has our name before throwing them. Then we met a handheld paper shredder from Muji decades ago. But it was still tiring to manually shred every piece of paper that has your information. Heavy duty paper shredders cost a lot so we had no choice but to shred those manually. Thanks to Shopee, we got ourselves an mini electric paper shredder. But how about the plastics that we got from online shopping? We would use a permanent marker to cover our details on it. However, there are some that even if you have cover it with a permanent marker, our details was still readable. So what I would do is to overlap it with a pen. I'd just doodle on top just so our details cannot be read. It works but we have wasted 2 inks, one from the permanent marker and the other from a pen. It also did waste our peecious little time. That is why when I saw this protection roller stamp, I added it to my cart right away. I was suppose to buy this last time but I must have missed it on my cart. **Tresemme Blonde Brilliance Shampoo and Conditioner** Another Tresemme product. This was not on sale the last time I bought from Unilever. I used this once in a while just so my hair color will not turn rusty in color. If you have heard of purple shampooand conditioner, then this is something like it as it really keeps your hair color. **Rexona deodorant roll on** Buy 1 take 1. This was out of stock last time so I got myself the serum. I prefer roll ons over serum. I consume 2 roll ons in a year so this can last up to 2 years. I got the Fresh Sakura scent and Powder Dry scent. The first time that I have tried the Fresh Sakura, I really did not like the scent as it was too strong kind of like a men's deo. But after using it, I eventually kind of like the scent. No need to wear a perfume or a body spray because it was already enough. I am sharing these deodorants with our helper. My mom uses Milcu deodorant powder and I have already gotten her 2 last month. **Moku electric sharpener** This is definitely a WANT not a NEED. LOL. I am not a student, an artist, an architect or someone who uses pencils these days so why did I bought this? Aside from the fact that I like cute items, I also like owls. It was 2014 when I started to like them. I saw a cartoon owl drawing at SM Makati department store while I was looking for a gift for my goddaughter's first birthday. I was teasing my cousin that my goddaughter was the one in the drawing when I sent him the drawing because she (referring to his daughter) have big round eyes like of an owl. Like father, like daughter, I said. LOL. After that, I find owls cute. I haven't seen an actual owl as far as I can remember but whether it is cartoon or real owl photos, I really like them. So whenever I would see some owl items, I would buy them "if" I have money. But isn't this sharpener so cute right? LOL. My mom would probably scold me if she sees that I ordered this. She would even say that I am like a kid for buying this or it is as if I have a child. LOL. **Steel expandable 2 layer rack** I am not sure if this will fit on top of our kitchen counter but I am planning to place our microwave oven at the bottom and then our oven toaster and rice cooker above. I honestly do find our kitchen too small that even our kitchen counter is a little cramped. Should I make a kitchen tour? Let me know if you're interested for a virtual kitchen tour. LOL. **6 in 1 mandoline vegetable slicer** Even if I love to slice vegetables, I still got us some mandoline. Hoping that this will really be helpful if I were to cut a lot of vegetables. As if I am the one cooking all the time. LOL. But even before I am really amazed whenever I would see someone doing a demonstration on how to use a mandoline in department stores. And those are my additional Shopee orders for this month. 50% are for kitchen use and organization so I feel like it wasn't that bad right? LOL. 40% are for personal use and 10% is definitely not a necessity. LOL. I was even planning to buy some 12 pieces colored pens. I just told myself that I had already bought a dozen of metallic gel pens last year and I rarely use them. I have to refrain myself from buying anything next month. I am totally overspending again. Not really a very wise thing to do. Why am I spending when I need to save because my aunt will be coming to the Philippines before Christmas? Focus! This is the reason why I should never shop whether online or at the store. Once I shop, I couldn't stop. April 30, 2022 `P.S. lead image is a screenshot of my orders. I still haven't rated the vitamin E that my dad ordered and his bath soap. Pictures of the items were screenshot from where I ordered those items.`

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