Regrets

"Everything happens for a reason." It was one of my favorite saying when I started working. Even before I was consumed by the darkness I have already made a lot of wrong decisions in  life which lead me to regret some of it. After I have made it through my darkest past and was able to see the light  I realized that everything happens for a reason.

Most of us have experienced being regretful over something. However at some point in our lives, we chose to do a thing because we have wanted it anyway. Regrets are a part of the past and most especially a part of our lives. There will always be instances that we would regret something.

But if you were to look back on your past self, what can you say was your biggest regret in life? Given the chance to go back during that time, would you want to undo those things? I have published an article before about time and I also asked almost the same question. Though I think this is more difficult than my question there.

In general I would say that my biggest regret was that I did not listen to my parents. I did everything as I please. I know there is nothing wrong with living our life to however we want to live. My life, my rules kind of thing right? Looking back at my life, my parents have told me a lot of times to change career or to study again. But I never did try doing it. I do not know what the outcome would have been if I obeyed them. Will I survive law school? What if I didn't? Will I still have regrets? Of course the answer is yes. Because there will always be an underlying cause for each regrets. Although at least I have listened to my parents. They may still have something to say but at least I have tried.

Of course if I listened to my parents or if I would have changed my past then I might not be here on this platform. If we change something in the past, it would also mean that it would change us completely. We cannot rewrite the past and all we have to do is to make up for all of our mistakes and regrets in life. Though things from the past can still haunt us even up to this day.

Aside from regretting that I did not listen to my parents, I was rebellious that I did and tried a lot of things that I should not have done. I can even consider it as my darkest secret eventhough I told my closest friends about it. I told @Bjorn that I had a confrontation with my family wherein I have told them all of my pain, anger and hatred towards them (except for my brother). I received a lot of hurtful words and curses, some slaps, punches and kicks even loss a few hair but I stayed strong that entire night. It was that one night that shook my family and it was the reason why I was forced to resign from my first job. No resignation letter, no advance notice. The following day my mom just called the restaurant that I would no longer be reporting for work. Even my workmates were shocked by the news. I did not have a cellphone because I returned my phone to my dad because he said that he paid for it. No cellphone, no computer for a month. But that is not yet the tip of the iceberg as it was just the consequences of my actions. It had led to that because of my darkest secret.

I know I was the one who made a mistake but I blamed it all to my parents. Ungrateful? I can accept that because I was not really thinking straight during those times. It was one of my biggest regret that I wanted to forget but no matter how many anaesthesias I have had because of my surgeries, I still cannot erase it on my mind. I think the reason for that is for me to never lose track in my life again and to never repeat the things that I did before. It haunts me that it makes me hard to look directly into my parents' eyes because the events of the past relives sometimes.

My life even my reputation has been scarred severely because of my actions. Regardless of what I did, my family still forgave me. I do not know if they have forgotten about that night that we are living like nothing happened but it is like a punishment for me. A suffering from the regrets of my past. We all do things in the past that we regret. Sometimes our choices and mistakes in life will make us regret it for a while or for the rest of our lives. There are also some regrets that we can never make up for especially if it was too late. We just have to remember that everything happens for a reason whether it is good or bad. Everything that we went through is a part of God's plan for us. For whatever reason, we do not know. What matters is that we have learned something from those regrets. Just like what Jennifer Aniston said, "There are no regrets in life, just lessons.".

P.S. my lead image was the only remembrance that I had with my first job. I am positive that my mom had thrown away all the things that is connected with my first job including my uniform. I cannot even see where my name plate and ID was. To think that our helper and I did a general cleaning early this year. I know I also have kept some letters and a photo from my first love but it is also gone. Anyway, I saw this bracelet 4 years ago somewhere inside my room that I posted right away on my Facebook account. I tagged one of my workmates.from my first job and her only comment was "Never look back 😘". Now I cannot remember where I placed these bracelets. LOL. This bracelet is somehow connected to my darkest secret ot my biggest regret in life. If things worked out between the 2 of us then I would not have resorted to who I was during that night.