For whom do you wake up?
*"Para kanino ka bumabangon?"*
The line from a commercial of a famous coffee brand here in the Philippines. And this is a post for Writing Prompt #2: Motivation by @JonicaBradley https://read.cash/@JonicaBradley/writing-prompt-2-motivation-2905952f
Many days passed that I was thinking about what can I share about motivation. What could a demotivated person like me possibly share with others? What value from my experiences could I possibly tell so that other people can learn from them?
**Actually, I can totally relate to most of what she said in her article.**
*Other projects I start but then might get distracted by something else. It sounds like bragging, and maybe it is, but I have quite a few talents. Writing, art, cooking, baking, candy making, gardening, crafting, etc. It sounds like a good thing, to have many skills, but it is super easy to get distracted by the next shiny idea that pops into my head.*
I too have a lot of ideas in my mind. I also have some unfinished paintings and projects that became already dusty or somehow buried in the pile of my art materials. It's not that I'm unmotivated to finish them but maybe something came up that I'm more motivated to do back then. Will I ever come to finish them? Hopefully someday.
*I have actually met quite a few people who really enjoy housework. I, unfortunately, am not one of them... I do like to have a tidy house with each object having its place. I like to be able to walk barefoot in the house without stepping in grit and dust. I enjoy having clean clothes and a room that doesn't smell like dirty socks... So I will start these chores, but again, I will get distracted.*
Who doesn't want a tidy house? There are times that I will diligently clean a part of our house without feeling tired until all are in a good place and I can see no more dust or spider webs. And sometimes while doing a specific chore, like separating clutter into reusable and disposable, I will get distracted. Getting distracted into doing another thing that I remember wanting to do the other day. So I end up putting the remaining clutter aside, hoping that I'll remember it again in the near future.
Tiny space with a huge pile of clutters.
Speaking of motivation in doing household chores. First, let me tell you a little about my mother, as I remember her being a solid homemaker. The house was always clean, things are always in place, plates and dirty clothes always being washed. Growing up, she would always scold us if we don't do our part of the household chores, like every weekend my siblings and I take turns in dust-keeping the house, and every day we have a schedule of who will wash the dishes. So yeah, I grew up with those in mind. As I turned adult, I understand why she would scold us back then, because having a clean house gives us serenity. You can easily find things because they are where they're supposed to be.
I was kinda shocked to experience first-hand a tiny house with such a pile of clutter. Back when I was a child, I remember some of the houses of my playmates that I've entered, some you can literally smell how untidy their house are. As I have said that we lived in the slums before. Forgive me if I sound a bit harsh, I guess I'm not just used to seeing houses like that because my mom always keeps ours clean.
So back to that tiny house, the mother has 5 children and was left behind by her husband. I can only count the times that I saw the house clean. The space was small yet a pile of clothes and things are scattered everywhere. Sometimes her laundry will take 3 days before she can finish because she would either play mobile games while at it or sometimes she will go out of the house and come back later in the evening. Sometimes the dishes last a week in the sink.
I was puzzled by her actions. We can say that she might have thought to wash the clothes but then she got distracted and came up with another thing to do that she is more motivated to.
"You can be motivated by fear or reward but those are only temporary. The only lasting thing is self-motivation."
Perhaps she was more motivated to find ways to earn so that she can feed her remaining children living with her. And she may be tired after looking for side jobs during the day that she doesn't have the time to finish her household chores once she gets home.
Until I saw the same attitude with my mother just recently. She wasn't a diligent homemaker anymore. Before I moved out of the house, it was already getting dull. The weekly whole house clean-up became bi-weekly. Floors weren't being mopped anymore, windows are getting full of spider webs. Then I thought being left behind has the effect of losing motivation. The will to live the way you were before. It's like doing everything is a drag. You just want to sleep all day to forget the pain or just waste your time streaming endless cooking shows or *k-dramas.* She can't motivate herself anymore.
Don't get me wrong, that was a year ago. Now she is finally healing by doing videos on a famous video streaming website/app. She also started de-cluttering the house. And I think her self-motivation is growing pretty good because she is consistent in doing content. I admire her strong personality. Hoping for the success of her new journey.
As for the mother that lives in the tiny house, I know she is also doing well in what she does for her children. I just hope for her to have more motivation in moving on to a new chapter of their lives and welcome a fresh start for her inner peace.
Yay! I finished another article with words just flowing from my mind. I'm glad about this writing prompt, you never knew what stories you are to tell unless you start typing.
It wasn't fully about me because right now, I'm still fighting myself and giving a little push to do things. But we'll get there.
Thank you for taking the time to read this! Stay safe. ♥
Sponsor: @Bjorn ☺
Lead Image https://www.instagram.com/p/Bh8GG9wFI-B/?epik=dj0yJnU9VEJzQnRMOVZ3YjhHMmlySDFLRmdOUlhzY3dtVmV3bEwmcD0wJm49bnJpTnI3T1U5YXBPLWxUaVBLa1JVdyZ0PUFBQUFBR0RLbUlR
First Image https://www.canva.com/design/DAEhjZVJ0E8/fjOcHtjxad6HHDyEJTWRLQ/view?utm_content=DAEhjZVJ0E8&utm_campaign=designshare&utm_medium=link&utm_source=publishsharelink
Is it self-care or being selfish?
What's the difference?
Some of the places here in the Philippines are still close due to lockdown. But when the General Community Quarantine (GCQ) was introduced last May 1st, it was less stringent than the ECQ or Enhanced Community Quarantine.
*Public transportation is allowed at a reduced capacity and select businesses are allowed to operate at 50 to 100 percent of their regular capacity depending on their industry. Shopping malls are also allowed to operate, although only select stalls and stores are allowed to open.*
So some people took the opportunity to go out of their places just to kill boredom. Their most awaited plans of going to the beach or out of town are finally going true.
How about at your place? How is the pandemic? How are you coping with it?
Last weekend, we've gone on a trip to the beach with our close friends. We rented the car from our friend's aunt, and he drove it.
It was a hasty plan of the trip. The boys are really just the ones who talked about it, they were best friends originally and we girls are their partners. Though the one who drove the car has no one to go with.
We stayed at Jam's, she was the one whose family live there at Sariaya. We arrived almost late that night, had dinner, unpacked, and went to sleep to have energy for tomorrow's adventure.
What is self-care?
According to Oxford, **it is** ***the practice of taking an active role in protecting one's own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress.***
And for that, I believe that self-care and being selfish are very much different from each other. Self-care is what we need in this fast-paced time of our lives. To take care of ourselves, for us to be healthy to function well and be in good shape in doing our jobs, to give care for our loved ones, and to do all the things we need to and want to accomplish by the end of the day.
Self-care is not just a way to physically take care of yourself, it also evolved into caring for your emotional well-being and even more so overall healing from mental stress too.
But if taking time out helps you prioritize yourself, your own energy, and healing, are you really being selfish?
Let's see Oxford's definition of selfish:
***selfish****; adjective*
*(of a person, action, or motive)* ***lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure****.*
To be honest, the word selfish has very negative connotations. We may think of being self-centered and self-concerned. And by thinking only "me and my interests" is already being selfish. We are not to think like that instead, we should try to live for the good of mankind, right?
So the next morning...
After having our breakfast and buying seafood for our lunch by the beach after island hopping, we changed clothes and prepare the things we'll bring.
I was so excited because I was hoping that we will go to an island with a white sand beach. Forgive me as I haven't really done my research about the beach where we were planning to go.
It was around 8 am when we bought the seafood. We all went to the port to witness how they buy and sell freshly caught fishes, we even saw one vendor who caught a seahorse. I got disappointed by the garbage everywhere. There are stalls that sell food for the fishermen, vendors, and buyers. There are lots of people that morning and their trash is all around the area, disposable bowls and utensils are everywhere.
It was really disappointing but when we came back later that morning for our island hopping, I saw that the area where they bought and sold goods was a bit cleaned. So I thought maybe they weren't careless after all. While waiting for the boat, we dipped our foot by the shore. We have two children companions, one is my daughter and the son of our friend. They were excited so they plunged into the water, while we took some photos. It was about lunch when we started island hopping, we passed by a group of boats in the middle of the ocean and the boatman said that it was because they were snorkeling. Sadly we didn't experience it because our boat was not the type for tourists, it was the boat Jam's uncle used for fishing.
Beach resorts are still closed due to the quarantine. When we arrived at the supposed part of the island where we will put up a tent and eat lunch, it looks devastated by a storm because the shore was full of plants, debris, and some trash. We thought it was okay to put up a tent there and we did, but later a man came to us telling us that his boss will be mad at him for letting people stay on the beach even though it is still closed. Of course, we packed up to leave immediately because the sun was scorching hot.
We've gone back to the port but on a different spot.
That was where I got disappointed the most. After putting up our tents and building a mini sand table for us to have our lunch, I saw a boy with a shovel walked past our spot. He dug a hole, though far from us, I can still see him clearly. After digging a hole, he later came back with a sack that I figured was full of trash. He put the sack inside the hole and covered it.
Now, you may wonder about the self-care and selfishness that I was talking about earlier.
It was kinda heartbreaking to see how they are deliberately littering on the beach where they enjoy swimming. The water is irritating and I guess it was because of the juices from the garbage that they have put underneath the sands.
I think their act is being selfish because it seems like they're not even thinking of the consequences of what they are doing to nature's gift for them. It's scary to think that one day, that garbage will cause serious problems not only to them but most importantly to the living creatures in the sea.
I can't find the words to say anymore. I just hope that we become more responsible for our actions not just towards ourselves but also to the life around us.
That's all and see you in my next article.
Thank you for taking the time to read my article that was mostly like an update.
I appreciate your comments and will be thankful for your sponsorship.
Special thanks to @Bjorn my sponsor.
Stay safe everyone!
~ ○ ~ ○
Lead image source https://www.freepik.com/photos/frame
Boat image source https://www.facebook.com/photo?fbid=4106358356051518&set=pcb.4106358672718153
Port image source https://www.facebook.com/photo?fbid=4106357209384966&set=pcb.4106358672718153
Flame of the Past
**It's been days since I last posted an article.** I really want to write, about my feelings, what I'm going through, my boring days, my past. But I can't seem to pull myself up to do it, that's why I thought that I might need to be in front of the monitor, place my hands on the keyboard and tap some words just to jumpstart my brain.
It may be a little late, but I want to write about @JonicaBradley 's first writing prompt: **FREEDOM**.
*"I want you to think about the word* ***freedom****. What does* ***freedom*** *mean to you personally? How will you go about achieving* ***freedom,*** *or have you already achieved it?"*
First, let me tell you about an incident that happened years ago.
It was in the middle of the night when everyone is in deep sleep. My parents were awakened by a loud knocking at the door, my mom got up to see who's deliberately banging on the door at that time around. It was my godmother, and she warned my mom about the fire. Their neighbor's house was burning like hell and she hurriedly went to our house to warn us after she got her kids.
My godmother's house was just a block away. Oh, for you to get a clear picture of our place, we were living in the slums. Though most of the house there was made of wood and aluminum sheet, the houses around our block were made of cement.
Our house and my *ninang*'s house were both made of cement, the only difference is that our roof was an aluminum sheet and our mini attic was made of wood while their roof was already a concrete slab.
Going back, my parents woke me up and my sister then made me picked my young brother up. We went outside and she guided me towards the path to where we will evacuate. It was a bit far and my brother's kinda heavy but the adrenaline made me forget about it for a while, that I almost didn't see the electricity post on our way and my brother's head hit it. I was only 15 back then and super clumsy. Once we reached the evacuation area, they left us there to wait. My siblings and I together with my ninang's daughters whom we were close, stood there witnessing the fire without any idea that it will soon cause our miseries. My miseries.
**To give you ideas, the slums where we live are in the middle of a developed area.** And a certain corporation bought the land to develop it and make it the business district. The residents were given relocation areas for us to start anew. But I guess the reason why some people don't want to leave yet is the accessibility to almost everything; schools, malls, work.
And that's why there were paid renters who will rent a space just to deliberately cause a fire, a fire that will burn people's houses and will make them leave. My parents lived there since 1994, I was born the next year. Since then, there are only 2 fire incidents that I witnessed but both did not affect our house and happened blocks away from us. But this fire was something we did not expect.
My parents came back to our house to get and save what they can bring. People are panicking and there are also others that are going in and out of the place just to save their things. Mom and dad only managed to save 2 of our clothes containers, 1 fan, and our computer's system unit and didn't come back to try because father said that on his last trip to our home, the roof is already catching fire.
There we stood as we watched people go back and forth to get what they can save. It was cold outside and we managed to arrange some blankets to sleep on until sunrise. The firefighters came after an hour and the fire was totally out by 5 in the morning.
Miraculously, the inside of my ninang's house was not touched by the fire and all their things were intact, though wet because of the water that the firefighters used. We went back to our house that morning to see the damage and to build a makeshift tent where we can stay while recovering. But since I have to go to school despite what happened, they told me to stay at ninang's for a week.
That was such a long introduction to a topic. I hope you're still here and if you are, thank you.
Seeing the ruins of our house broke my heart greatly. Especially seeing my favorite books became ashes. It hurt so much to a point that I don't even know how to describe my feelings. Since then, it felt like a part of me died on that fire. It was devastating, my favorite books, my blank notebooks, my sketches, the songs and poems I've written, gone. And until now I can't help but feel regretful of the loss. Until now, every time I think of what the reason might be for that incident, I can't think of any valid reason. It almost seems unfathomable. Or I guess it's just a matter of moving on?
Yet somehow, it feels like the part of me that died on that fire years ago was only in a deep coma, still recovering. That's why years later, I tried to create again. I tried calligraphy, watercolor painting, I drew again. But I still feel something missing. Seems like that part of me is still trapped in a deep slumber. I want to set her free, but I'm helpless. But still, I want to try. Though sometimes I think I need the help of an expert who can elaborate on what am I going through.
I'm hoping that it makes sense even though I know it doesn't. I really want to make something that gives value to people. Right now, all I can write is about me. And some of my writing may not be systematic yet, but this is a great platform with lots of opportunities and there's no harm in trying, right?
I would like to thank my sponsor @Bjorn for being inspiring and supportive.
Lead image source. https://www.gmanetwork.com/news/news/specialreports/602203/in-some-metro-manila-communities-fires-are-a-way-of-life/story/
Google image from satellite.
Second photo source. https://www.bulatlat.com/2011/02/08/news-in-pictures-fire-razes-community-along-agham-road/
☺♥☺♥☺
I'm slacking off. And it's not good. I think my ideas and thoughts were washed by the waves from the beach we went to last weekend. I've been thinking about the photos that our friend took and how I look awful. There are just so many clutter in my brain and I just want to take some rest that's why I haven't written any article yet. But I'm still glad that this platform is not home to any judgemental people, I feel like I can share freely without being judged of how much of a loser I am. Just done reading some articles from my friends here to get the hang of it again. 'Till my next article. Have a great day! Stay safe.
The Woman That She Was
Brace yourselves, for this is not a typical article about a mother.
Well, I must say that my mother is not a perfect one but she does what she can do. And she is doing it for about two decades now. Sometimes I'd like to think that whatever she is now, whatever she does, was somehow because of her upbringing.
Yes, Mother's Day has passed but I just thought maybe it's time to pour out some of my deep-rooted feelings about her.
My mother grew up with her dad because it seemed like my grandma was not ready yet for the responsibilities that come with having a child. And my mom would always tell us stories about her childhood, her past adventures, and how was living with her hard-working father. Though I never got the chance to see my grandfather, I knew he was such a great person.
They lived in a humble nipa hut in the woods where they have cattle, poultry, and goats that she would chase every afternoon to feed. That is why I'm very thrilled whenever I watch *Heidi* because I can visually see the farm life they had back then. And I also remember her stories about "*Aswang*", "*Manananggal*", "*Sigbin*" and "*Santelmo*". They were some of the creatures from Philippine folklore. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heidi,_Girl_of_the_Alps
*I just finished reading the article;* *The Great Story Teller* *that inspired me to do this one.* https://read.cash/@Bjorn/the-great-story-teller-e8282af2
My mother and I have been in a silent love-hate relationship for ages, "silent" because we really don't talk about it. And I guess that's the reason why I'm writing this article. I want to write formally about the things I'm keeping in my heart that it is becoming heavy already.
If you are still reading then it means either you don't have anything to read or you're just passing time or maybe you see yourself in me too? I just want to engage, so that I'll have comments to read after some time.
What made me write this one is a scene that I suddenly remembered. It was the time when my mother asked me about my pregnancy. Before that happened I was kind of a rebel, not in the pierce-and-tattoo-with-black-eyeliner kind but the kind where I would spend most of my time with friends. Not the alcoholic type of friends nor the junkie types but those normal people who just understand you the way your parents could not. And I got pregnant at the age of 19, well that's nothing to be proud of. I've had my fair share of regrets.
So at the scene, I was already 3 months gestating and that night I was frying some hotdogs when my mom entered the kitchen and asked me. "*Are you pregnant?*" classic mother's line. I don't know what to say, so I started to cry and I think that was the cue for her to cry too. That was the sign that her intuition was true. It felt like some stone was removed on top of my heart, but that was just the tip because we still need to tell my father, who at that time was working overseas. So imagine the intensity of the situation.
But that was still not the highlight of the scene that suddenly crossed my mind. After all the crying I can barely remember, but I think she went straight to my *ninang* (godmother), and came with her back home. The moment my *ninang* entered our house, she saw me still crying and walked towards me and gave me the comforting hug that says "You're not alone in this journey". Right at that moment, I got a bit confused, disappointed but mostly sad. How could my mother not give me that hug? How could she be so heartless?
But I shrugged off those thoughts because I told myself that it was mainly my fault. They've given me all the proper things I need in growing up, mostly materials but given all the circumstances those were just trivial.
I gave it days and weeks which turned to months, I thought she will eventually hug me and make me feel that I'm not alone. But I guess I was just expecting too much of her. Right now I'm thinking maybe that wasn't really just the right time for her to give me that hug that I badly need from her.
Regardless of her disciplinary actions towards me when I was younger up until I'm a teenager, she still holds a special place in my heart. I don't know if I'm just scared to disappoint her again by making wrong choices but I really do understand her hardships. My heart hurts whenever she is hurt. Do you know what I mean? I can tell a lot of not really nice things about her but I guess I love her enough to just keep it in myself.
Because no matter what, I still acknowledge her sacrifices and hardships while taking care of me and my siblings growing up. I guess I just miss her. And I guess the wound of our family being broken is still far from healing. I guess I'm just taking this opportunity to unload some of the burdens that my heart can't carry anymore. I'm glad that I can still keep myself from those thoughts that might make things just more miserable.
Don't get me wrong, we are very okay nowadays though I think maybe because we're not living together now. But she has changed a bit, positively. She's more open now to listen to us and a bit more open in expressing herself so understanding each other is by far our achievement together. Yay!
Sorry if this took some time from your precious day. But thanks anyway for reading this. I didn't know that these kinds of topics will be my first ones.
Please spread love like how you spread your favorite peanut butter and jelly. ♥
And I would like to thank my very first sponsor @Bjorn May you be blessed with more!
My Introductory Post
Hello, world!
I've been here for a week already and it took me several days to publish my first article, Disposable Relationship. https://read.cash/@Denka/disposable-relationship-fd693f76
And as promised, I'm going to write about myself in my next post which is this one. Hurray!
**So, why am I here?** To be honest, I need extra cash to help with the daily expenses of my family. Currently unemployed because my contract with a BPO company just ended last March. And being here in the city makes it hard to budget finances because prices are high, compare to where I live before we moved here. I lived with my mother and siblings a year ago in the suburbs near the city where I currently reside. And the merchandise there is way cheaper than here.
It's undeniable that the prices of goods are gradually increasing as the years go by.
And it's becoming the main source of stress for us because the basic pay from my partner's regular job is not enough to sustain necessities.
So I guess being here, my main reason, for now, is to earn. Just being practical. Though I really like to get my brain to pump creative juices again.
**Yes, again!** Because back when I was a child reading and writing are my past time. I'm from the '90s and kids back then waste their time playing outside, watching animated series. But I also remember the family computer and the famous *Duck Hunt*, and the gamer part of me was born.
I guess reading was instilled in me because my mother was very strict and focused on teaching me when I was just starting school. Guess I can call myself lucky because my workbooks were free. My father used to work in the printing press (not the mechanical device but I just remember that's what he calls their company, though they print books of SIBS and Phoenix Publishing). And I recall he would bring home the rejected ones. That's why I have so many books and blank notebooks back then. And that was when I started my habit of reading and writing.
I can vividly remember a 5ft bookshelf filled with different books worth reading.
Speaking of that, let me share with you some funny moments I've had back when I was in grade school. My best friends and I would skip boring classes and you won't guess where we go. Instead of going to the playground, we joyfully run our way to the library. Yes, we skip classes just to go to the library and read our favorite books. You may think that going to the library in skipping class is lame, but our library was never the boring type. It has a special area for presentations like puppet shoes or where we can watch educational shoes, plus the very comfortable bean bags. And it also has a computer room for doing paper works and some research.
Okay, you may say I'm biased and there are lots of pretty good libraries in some schools. But please forgive me, I just got excited remembering the details and how fun those moments were.
As much as I love the smell of books, I also loved my blank notebooks. I would write about my day, my observations, but mostly what I did back then was draw things.
My cousins and I were so close back then that we watched animated series together and chose characters that suit our personalities. And one of our favorite past time was to draw our little village. We used to draw our dream houses together back then on my notebooks and we planned on owning houses next to each other.
Please pardon me for being so nostalgic. I guess I just have to write more about it in my next article.
What do you call a person who only talks about his past? I'm not sure. As of now, the things I can say about my current status are limited as I feel like I'm constantly on the run to find myself and figure out what I really want to do.
But for now, all I know is I want to get out of this situation. I will try to make a living on this platform and hopefully learn a lot also by reading people's articles.
I'm really not a good writer, but I will do my best to make good articles that will value to people who will be reading my posts.
Thank you for taking the time to read my introductory post. Godspeed.
Image sources:
The lead image is my digital art.
Montalban Rizal Towncenter Xentromall https://greenwichhospital.blogspot.com/2020/07/greenwich-montalban-town-center.html
The Story of Duck Hunt https://medium.com/everything-80s/the-story-of-duck-hunt-the-original-backbone-of-the-nes-6d4b18c0ff89
Esteban Abada Elementary School Library https://m.facebook.com/Esteban-Abada-Elementary-School-Library-Quezon-City-110481150497878/
Disposable Relationship
A lot of famous couples are going separate ways nowadays, even the strongest relationship may collapse too.
It's heartbreaking. Devastating. Such a shame.
But that's just reality. Marriage is hard work. I'm not married yet, but my partner and I live together with our child. And I'm very family-oriented. By the way, as I was saying, marriage is like a plant. You need to take care of it for it not to die (unless it's plastic/decor). You can't say that you forgot to water it, place it under the sun for a nice heat, put fertilizers or growers, etc. You should be intentional or else, one day it'll be wilted.
And nowadays, people seem to be taking marriage lightly that if it's not perfect or things don't go as they wanted, they'll just give it up. But the truth is, no marriage is perfect.
I just like this topic because I've been witnessing marriages falling apart, on social media, back when I was still in middle school (high school is the term here in the Philippines), in our neighborhood, among my friends. As if it was so mainstream all along. And I've been very observant.
I am not an expert in marriages, maybe I've just watched too many Korean Dramas. Kidding aside, I guess it's safe to say that I witnessed the marriage of someone close to me, fail.
***Marriage requires two parties who love one another enough to do what it takes to make their marriage last.***
There will be a lot of common problems that arise during your lifetime. That's why you have this commitment that together, you will work through those problems, and continue to build a long-lasting relationship.
*Disclaimer: What you're about to read are just my observations and collections of what I learned from the past years. I'm not a family expert, and I'm very much open to your thoughts, comments, and suggestions.*
**Here are some of the most common marriage problems:**
1. UNFAITHFULNESS
It starts in the mind. If we are not faithful at the beginning with our minds, it will manifest in our actions later on. And sadly, infidelity is among the top reasons why married couple separates. Yes, it's hard to forgive, forget and trust again. It is disorienting when your spouse suddenly goes the wrong path.
**You don't marry someone with the intention to go flirt with somebody later on.** Infidelity doesn't necessarily have to mean having sex with someone outside your marriage, it can also be without the actual sexual intercourse but having a sexual desire that is not for your spouse.
Some of the common reasons why married people cheat are revenge and sexual or emotional dissatisfaction. I won't go over these problems so much, I just want to share my insights.
Now what are the possible solution for this:
Prioritize communication. Be transparent. Communicate your need.
Set some boundaries. Don't put yourself in doubtful situations.
Remember, the grass is not greener on the other side. It is greener where you water it.
2. ADDICTION
**Too much of anything is bad.** If you are too addicted to your work, games (online/mobile), specific group of friends, gambling, alcohol, *online sabong (cockfight),* and everything addictive, expect that it will gradually cause the loss of intimacy between you and your spouse.
**Your marriage needs to be a top priority in life, yes, number one!** And let's admit it when you are addicted to something it tends to be the priority.
Some of the common reasons are; love of money, lack of discipline, and lack of will and motivation. Yes, the lack of will and motivation can push you to become addicted to something, like video games. Some people are just not motivated enough to do something that needs to be done, something that they don't realize can help them, they tend to just waste their time playing video games.
Possible solutions are:
Choose your circle of influence. If for example you are addicted to alcohol, then it's best to be distant from your friends that always invite you to drinking sessions. It's hard to be free from an addiction that you are surrounded by.
Get professional help if you need it.
Do something to hold yourself accountable.
I find this article about accountability very helpful. https://www.forbes.com/sites/kathycaprino/2019/08/18/4-ways-to-take-accountability-for-your-actions-and-why-so-many-dont/?sh=1988f6e56dab
3. DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE
**Before getting into marriage, there are things that you and your partner should discuss and agree on.** These are negotiable and non-negotiable. Of course, all of us have different perspectives on things and that's very much normal but when you come together in marriage you both need to compromise to make it work.
What's your viewpoint about faith, money, values & morals, giving financial assistance to parents, living separately from parents, having children, and how to discipline them, who will do what household chores and the list goes on.
My partner and I have very different personalities and perspectives in life, but that's where our communication started to grow because we talk about a lot of things. And that's where we get to know each other more, for example, we tend to try each other's preferences on food and beverages.
You have to be on the same page with your spouse about certain things, or your marriage is going to be a fight from the start.
Common reasons are different contexts, backgrounds, and upbringing.
So what could you possibly do about this?
Compromise. It's better to bend a little than to break.
Again, communication is crucial. Don't let unresolved issues destroy your marriage.
Unresolved issues, the iceberg that destroyed our Titanic.
4. TOXIC PEOPLE
Toxic people are everywhere. These are the people that have little to no contribution to the growth of your relationship. They are the ones who always tell you to leave the relationship once you have problems or sometimes they cause conflict. They are the negative people who are bad influences in your marriage. These can include friends of the same sex, or the opposite sex, family members and in-laws, and ex-partners.
Possible solutions for this:
It's best to go away from these people as soon as possible. You don't need them. If they are your in-laws, respect them (and love them still) but as much as possible, stay away.
5. CHILDREN
Yes, children. They have the ability to bring a married couple closer than ever. You worked together to create a life. You now have a deeper connection than you ever have before. **BUT, children can also put a serious strain on your marriage.**
Most of the time, marriages can become child-centered. You eventually lose time to intentionally nurture your relationship because most of your time goes to your children, energy, and even resources.
Your marriage, your partnership used to be your main priority, and now your responsibilities have shifted, and children are the main focus. We were always overwhelmed, stressed, and emotional and most of the time, you have the tendency to vent it all out on your spouse. This should not be.
What can you do? Keep dating your spouse. Spend quality time with him\her. May your spouse be your top priority.
But then again, these are all just some of my observations in life. There are lots of common problems in marriages such as lack of communication, prolonged long-distance relationship, unforgiveness, personal issues, money, sex, poverty, and more!
***There may be lots of reasons to break up and separate, may you find even just one reason to stay. Just one reason to fight for your marriage.***
Marriage is all about teamwork, a good husband makes a good wife. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage. A great marriage consists of two imperfect people trying their best to love each other no matter what. So don't let these common marriage problems keep your relationship from thriving. ❣
I know this is not the usual introductory post. But I assure you that my next article would be about me. It's just that I have a lot in mind right now even though I know that pouring it out will make it less of a burden.
There, I hope you enjoyed this post. And I hope you are all doing fine.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post.
By the way, I would like to mention @Bjorn for his article You Are Doing Great, Keep Going. I enjoyed reading it because I felt welcome, I felt that I'm not alone in this journey. Thank you so much for inviting me here at read.cash! https://read.cash/@Bjorn/you-are-doing-great-keep-going-c44e9b0a
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*You may want to support me with my journey here, I will highly appreciate it.*
Hello, I'm new to this. I was invited by a close relative of mine. I'm excited to be part of this community. Thank you so much.
@Denka
