This day is very memorable and important for us Filipinos as this was the day that we have been freed from the Spanish rule. Happy Independence Day my fellow Filipinos.
This day I was feeling a bit under the weather. Maybe because I stayed up late last night or I woke up on the wrong side of the bed or probably because today is a special day. I am missing him again. LOL. I know I have already published not just 1 but a 3 part Missing you article here (part 1, 2 and 3) before. If I were to compare myself to who or how I was before, I believe that I am a better person now. Better in the sense that I am able to give something to my family even if it is not that big or expensive but at least it wss from my hardwork. Soon enough I know I will be able to help with our living expenses and treat my family again to a lunch or movie.
With my previous article, Girl in the mirror, I felt like it is just right to continue a self-reflection article. I said there that I see myself in the mirror obviously because it was my reflection and I asked if you stare at the mirror for too long because you have something to say to yourself. Imagine Boy Abunda, a Filipino TV host, who used to ask his guests what would they want to say if the mirror was in front of them. Do you talk to yourself when you are in front of the mirror? What do you usally tell yourself? Before I used to say, "Ganda mo! (You're beautiful!) to myself. Of course that changed when I gained weight and had pimple breakouts again. I cannot even remember the last time I said that to myself. But if I were to say something to myself in front of the mirror I would say that,
"You are doing a great job! I saw how you have struggled the past couple of years and I am happy that slowly you are back on track again. You have survived a lot of challenges and it had somehow made you both weak and strong but you have to remember to always keep moving forward. Your scars are there to remind you of the battles that you have won and to not neglect about your health whether physically or emotionally. Do not be to hard on yourself. It is ok to not be ok. It is ok to cry. It is ok to show them that you are weak. Though I just hope that you can turn your weaknesses into your strengths and that you will eventually overcome all of your fears. Do not worry if your smile is different now and then. You will be able to smile how you used to smile even when he was not part of your life. You have done it before and I am seeing that you are doing the exact same thing of missing him again but I know eventually he will be out of your system just like before. Someday he will just be someone who once or twice made you bloom and soon he will just be a memory just like with your first love. Enjoy reminiscing about him because one day you will have a new guy who will love and value you the way the other guys didn't. For now I need you to focus on your goals. I do not know when you are going to achieve all of your dreams or goals in life but I know someday you will as well as your purpose. Never forget for who and why you are doing all of these things. Continue what you are doing right now. You will be successful no matter what and one day you will be staring at the things that you used to always dream about."
Such a pretty long message for myself right? Just by drafting it makes me recall all the good and not so good events that had happened to me and it made me teary eyed. As I look back and reflect on the things that happened to me, I know very well that I am not perfect and that I still commit sins. I am not a saint but I know that I am really trying my best to be a good daughter, sister, friend or a good human being. I cannot say that I would not be making the same mistakes in the future but I know that I have learned from it. I know that everything happens for a reason and that God will guide me in everything that I do. I guess it would be a good practice to try talking to myself in front of the mirror sometime. I do not know if my confidence will increase by doing so but I think it will boost myself more. If you were to do the mirror talk, what would you tell yourself? Or if you were to reflect on all the things that had happened to you in the past, can you say that you are already living your dream and that you are already happy and content? Or are you like me who still does not know where my path is leading me? Whatever it is that you will say to yourself, I hope that it has somehow lessen the heaviness that you feel towards yourself.
"Our attitude towards life determines life's attitude towards us." — John Mitchell
P.S. lead image is my reflection in the mirror again.
Sabi na nga ba sis jonna ikaw to e... si mhean lang nagsabi sken... morning!!