The Love Languages

There are five known “Love Languages”, at least according to this book written by Dr. Gary Chapman that I have read long ago and it is nice to know where we stand sometimes. It gives us an idea on why we feel happy with someone’s company the most, or why it makes us disappointed when someone doesn’t compliment us the way we would have wanted to. It also gives a very congenial indication why relationships work (while I can only attest on how it’s working on friendship, I have been mindful of how boyfriend/girlfriend relationship of some of my friends work) and why some don’t. So I want to share my thoughts with you as well.

The five love languages are as follows: Physical Touch, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation and Receiving Gifts.

Physical Touch

Maybe you love hugging your loved one or holding hands while going around places. Maybe it gives you so much comfort to have them closest to you, cuddling while watching your favourite films on Netflix and all. Then maybe Physical Touch is your main love language and physical affection is what’s making you the happiest. It could also come in the form of a massage or a quick pat on the back for a job well done. It could also be just shaking hands or people clinging to you in the most unexpected time.

Meanwhile, I also know some who are not so fond of touching and would not enjoy a hug. Say, we just love to have each other’s company without needing to touch. And that leads us to the second type of love language which is Quality Time.

Personally, I am not a very touchy person but I do enjoy a big, power hug sometimes. It’s sad that we can’t do this now in this pandemic time, though. I remember meeting up with friends and while we haven’t seen each other in a long time, we can’t hug each other out for preventive measures. Got to be safe than sorry. In other instances though, I would even initiate to give them the biggest hug. (Can you tell how much I miss hanging out with them?)

Quality Time

So basically you like to just spend time with your loved one and having their whole attention on you. It could be as simple as not checking their phone when you are having dinner outside and them basically just focusing on you, having eye contact and listening to whatever you say all throughout the time that you are together. It makes you contented whenever they remember even the smallest detail about you because you are sure that they are paying attention.

So I took this quiz again to know my main Love Language and Quality Time came in second. And I guess that’s true because as much as I love talking, I can also be a good listener. And while I don’t expect people to pay attention to me all the time, it never fails to put a smile on my face whenever someone would remember something that I don’t even remember saying.

Say, I would receive a text message saying that they say my favourite band on the telly and how seeing something has reminded them of me or of how matcha is my most favourite thing in the world. It makes me smile to know that “oh, they really are listening when I mentioned it in passing.”

Maybe there’s that internal struggle of not being listened to or heard that I have so little expectations from people (also it prevents us from being disappointed should they turn out not the same people that we are expecting them to be) so it’s always a pleasant surprise knowing that they are really paying attention.

That is also a reason why I pay attention when people are talking: Because I want them to feel valued and heard.

I would also go in great lengths to make something happen and would always find time to hang out with them despite being busy myself. It is beneficial on both ends as hanging out eases our stress levels and I truly enjoy hanging out with them. I remember going out of my usual route just for a hangout sesh to push through. I mean, if I am capable and available so, why not, right? I also love trying out different restaurants and eating (if it still isn’t apparent enough). I miss taking videos and editing a vlog of sorts of our fun times together, showing them my appreciation as well.

Acts of Service

Out of curiosity, I have already taken this Love Language quiz long ago and I’ve consistently gotten Acts of Service as my main love language.

I love being able to do something for the people that I care about, likewise, it makes me feel extra special when people do nice things for me. Action speaks louder than words as the old adage go, so simple things being done for me give me joy.

It could be as small as getting me my favourite drink or helping me (or at least offering to help) with some of my tasks. I appreciate it the most but at the same time it surprises me when people does things for me.

Sadly though, there’s this part of me that makes me question why, and that “what if they needed something in return?” I can be very apprehensive probably because I have low expectations from people (so as to not be disappointed with them) and I’ve been wronged so many times because of putting my trust and believing in the goodness of people.

It didn’t stop me from showing that I care and love them, though.

“Can helping with homework really be an expression of love? Absolutely!

Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes.

The words he or she most wants to hear: “Let me do that for you.”

Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. When others serve you out of love (and not obligation), you feel truly valued and loved.”

- taken from The Five Love Languages quiz results

Words of Affirmation

While some enjoys it when people does things for them, there are people who are fonder and more inclined to hearing it. Some can’t even voice “I love you” out loud while there are some who tells it to their partners every now and then.

(Which one are you?)

Some likes to be complimented and would love to hear it so it would make them feel appreciated. You would want them to notice you cutting your hair and such, and you’d like to be validated in a way and you value details.

I think I am one of those who are shy to voice their love to someone out loud, at least to my family. But I can type it, alright, (text them I love them) I am just not the type to blurt out I love you all the time and that is fine because as I have mentioned before, I show my love in a different way. It could come as buying grocery items or buying them items that reminded me of them (the last love language that will be discussed in a bit). It could also be doing something for their on-going projects, or taking charge when we needed to accomplish or finish something.

To add up, our love languages varies and it changes all the time, but it all boils down to making the other person in the relationship feel loved.

Receiving Gifts

Lastly, and not to be confused with being materialistic is receiving gifts. You appreciate it the most when people take time to find you the most suitable gift. When someone goes traveling, it makes you happy whenever they would get you a souvenir because it makes you feel remembered and appreciated. You are after the genuine thoughtfulness behind each gifts, more than anything.

I also love giving gifts and I put thoughts into every gift that I give that sometimes I can go large and all out or have nothing prepared at all. Sometimes I would do something real personal like craft them the most silly cards or bake them sweet goods. Sometimes I buy them mementos from my travels, too.

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Studies show that it is rare for partners to have the same love language and that it is why it is important to learn about your respective partners or family members because this is where conflicts usually arise. Maybe you are expecting too much of them and you feel disappointed when they didn’t get to do these things for you. And you are waiting for them to tell you I love you but they are showing it in a different way.

Trying to learn more about your partner is putting their needs over your own and that is a nice thought but while learning about love language is a useful tool to understand your partner/loved ones better, it is only a guide. After all, people are selfish in nature so practicing selflessness is actually a good personality improvement to us. It also makes us speak in a language that they’d understand, if that makes sense and it makes us connect with them deeper.

We are not limited to these five languages though, because as you all know, it varies depending on the kind of relationships that we have with people.

In the end, it is all about the mutual understanding that makes a relationship or friendship work.

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I am so in love with this week’s prompt (Language) so I thought I’d give it a try.

You can follow the simple rules if you are interested to try it as well.

1. Write anything about language

2. Write 100% original content

3. Write at least 600 words so Rusty will reward you

4. Submit to the PromptlyJonica community (please join us if you haven't already)

5. Tag  @JonicaBradley  and @TengoLoTodo

6. Have fun!

Thank you to the lovely sponsors! Is one of your love languages giving gifts too or..? I am forever grateful for you. :)

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All experiences/stories are mine unless credited/quoted otherwise.