A letter to my 5-year old self

I woke up late today and in a not so good mood since I had a nightmare. I kept thinking about what to write about. I almost did not write anything since I told myself, Sunday is supposed to be my rest day.

The topic comes to mind and I tried to ignore it by scrolling through nonsense stuff on my timeline. However, I could not ignore the feeling of needing to write about it so here I am now.

As a 5-year old kid, I was still impressionable and enjoyed exploring the world. I had one friend and that is my life-sized doll. I always bring her with me wherever I go and we have tea parties together. She watched me set up my own "art exhibit" in our home and was there with me when I was alone.

I gave that little information nugget so other people who will read will know why I am writing this way.

Dear mini-me,

How have you been? Did you have a great time playing today?

Now that I think about it, you might have felt lonely watching other kids play while you were having a tea party with your doll. Yes, your doll is a very good friend of yours, I know.

Did you find a great item today? Did they deserved a spot in your exhibit?

I am writing this letter to tell you that as you grow older, you can still store the pretty things you find everywhere. No one will be able to throw them just because they do not look valuable to others.

So if people threw away your pretty things, you can cry about it. But know that more pretty things will come.

This letter is kinda hard to write. I have so many things I want to tell you. I feel that sometimes, I am still you in a way. But that might just be because I still like having pretty things as well.

Oh, don't worry about making mistakes too. I know that you are a wonderful child who is fond of learning. Other people might expect you to be perfect all the time but you don't have to be. You can just be you.

Everything you wanted to have right now will be yours soon enough. Yes, when you grow a little taller. Although, not as tall as we were both hoping to become.

You will have friends who will let you be silly and serious too. They will listen to you. They will have fun with you. Most of all, they will never judge you for what you do and what you like.

You are not exactly that great of a reader yet at this age so I will stop. Maybe I will visit you again in a few years. When you are about 12 years old. I know that you will read books after books. I also do not want to ruin all the surprises you will encounter.

So for now, just listen to your parents. Enjoy every afternoon naps that you can. Have fun!

I always felt like the younger me might be disappointed in who I am today. I do not really have a stable mental state for a few years now, and I always feel like a mess. This is something that I have learned to live with- the feeling of having disappointed my younger self.

I thought if they saw me now, they would not be proud. But as I was writing the letter, it feels as though the inner child in me is responding.

I can feel her excitement about all the cool things that I told her which she will experience. I looked back and for a while I saw moments in my life as my 5 year old self and I know that I did not disappoint her.

Life turned out to be as pretty as she had hoped it would be. Even if it is not the perfect thing she wanted.

Writing letters like these makes me more comfortable with my self. I think this is one step that I am taking in finally learning how to truly love myself instead of just loving parts of me that others like.

If you are having a hard time getting to know yourself, I feel like you can also write one for yourself. You never know, maybe you will learn a thing or two in the process.

This is all that I want to write about today.

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