Am I Ready?

February 08, 2022

Buenos dìas/ buenas tardes/buenas noches readcash community. How are you all? Valentine's day is few days ahead. Are you all excited? Are you expecting to receive something from your special someone? Well, me, I am not excited for that special day. When I became a mother, Valentine's day became a normal day to me. I am no longer excited when that special day come. Maybe because I am now focus on my daughter. But if my partner will surprise me, which I think he won't, I will still be happy of course. Who wouldn't, right?

Speaking of partner/boyfriend, my partner and I will be celebrating our fourth anniversary this year as a couple. It was year 2018 when I answered him to be my boyfriend. I can still remember clearly when he asked me the question, "Will you be my girlfriend?". The night he asked me that question, he was drunk. I did not answer him right away because I was thinking that maybe it was just an influence of the alcohol. I waited him to be sober the next day and see if he still remember what he said on that night. The next morning, he said that he really meant what he said. I was happy and I gave my Yes. We were happy in our relationship. He is sweet, caring, thoughtful and supportive boyfriend to me.

On the sixth month of our relationship I got pregnant. It was so difficult for us for we were both studying at that time. But I was already a graduating student and he was on his third year in the uni. On the first three months of my pregnancy, we hid it from our parents for we were afraid of their reactions. We were pretty sure that they'll get mad. But my landlady was so persistent on telling us that we should confess our situation to my boyfriend's family so that I can have a prenatal check up. So, we decided to tell his family but  not on mine first. I want to graduate and get my diploma first before I am going to confess to them. Luckily, his mother accepted his situation with the help of his older sister. They still supported his studies and my pregnancy. I was happy and thankful to them.

Everything is fine in our relationship. Though there were times that we fought which is very normal in every relationships but we still manage to fix it. I am very thankful that I met him. I am thankful because he is a good partner and a good father to our daughter. I can say that I am lucky to have him because he has no vices that could give me headaches.

Last year, my partner's mother told us to inquire in the municipal office what are the requirements in getting a civil wedding. I was taken aback of what she said. I didn't see it coming. My partner didn't propose to me yet. Until this moment, I didn't go to the municipal office to do what she said. I am still hesitant. Months passed by and I thought that she already forgot about it. Then on New Year's eve, my partner, my daughter and I received a gift from her. Well, she gave all her children a gift. My partner and I were confused because we received four hóngbāos (red envelope). When we opened the fourth red envelope, we saw a couple ring. She said that it will be her gift on our wedding.

At this moment, I admit that I can't explain what I feel. There's a part of me that is hesitant on getting married. Yes, I love my partner, there's no question to that. But I can't help myself on thinking on so many things. Sometimes when I'm alone, I am thinking what if I can't be a good wife to him. What if we will be like to our parents. His parents were separated and mine also. My partner is still young. I am six years older than him. I am afraid what if one day he will fine another girl. I share this feeling to my sister and she said that I should go for it. It will be my advantage if we're married because I can secure myself and my daughter's right if something not good happened. We can't deny the fact that in our day today, there are lots of families that are being broken.

As of writing, I am asking myself if am I ready to level up our relationship to the next stage. Am I ready to fulfill the responsibility of a wife ? Am I ready to commit myself to a lifetime commitment? Hayyyy, I don't know. What do you think guys?

Maybe some of you may think that I am just being OA or finicky about this matter. But I believe that marriage is a serious matter and it should be think carefully because once you're in, there'll be no way out. Our country has no divorce and filing an annulment is very costly. I don't want to jump into that commitment also just because of my daughter. Oh gosh, I'm confuse right now.

Thank you for reading this far guys. I would gladly read your advice if you have one. Till next time everyone. Be safe and stay healthy.

I want to say thank you to @Expelliarmus30 for renewing her sponsorship. Thank you so much for still trusting me sis. God bless you always.

Lead image is edited using Canva app.