The word I want to hear: Ate are you okay?
Its so painful to accept the fact that a happy family ended up broken. You know the feeling that you can only see the happiness in a memory and it's sad to think that those memories will remain a memory and even if you want to fix everything you can't because it's already happened.
Our family is not perfect. I always shared here about it but even if it's not perfect I can say that we have a happy moments in the past. As of this typing I am crying. I can't help but to cry because I missed those moments. I missed the laughters of my parents and the laughter of my siblings. I really missed having a complete family.
This past few days Facebook memories allow me to see our family pictures a couple of years ago. I am happy to see it but I am also sad because things already changed and we ended up like this. I want to share the memories but I choose not to because I don't want people to think the way I think. I am so loud in Facebook but I never bring up and share all about our family issues and I stay neutral so that people will don't mind it and talk behind our back.
I ended up with this topic because of @ExpertWritter . After I read her article earlier I feel the heaviness and also cried because you know your stuck in a situation that you don't want but you have no choice but to accept it because it already happened.
Sometimes I am asking myself if I am living everyday just to overthink because everyday I am not feeling well. Being so stress because I am the only one in the house. Sometimes I asked myself Hey self let's try to be selfish and leave them but I can't. I am not the type of person who will walk away because the situation is not for me instead I embrace it and just pray to God that whatever happened He'll be there for me.
Each of us has its own story to tell and each of us done a sacrifice for our loveones. There's no such thing as perfect family but if you still have your parents in your side and your blessed of having them.
Last Christmas and New year I choose not to browse my Facebook account because I am envy. Envy to see complete families celebrating holidays. Seeing thier smiles and bonding makes my heart hurts because I really wanted it too. It's so sad to be alone. It's so sad to know your loveones already separated thier ways. It's so sad that my brother and sister is not so closed to me anymore and they only remember me if they will ask something. It's so sad not to hear a simple thank you from them after all the sacrifice you have made for them.
They always said Ate..Ate.. but they never asked me Ate are you okay?
Ganyan talaga ang mga younger sibs di masyadong expressive or maybe nahihiya lang magsabi sis. I'm pretty sure they appreciate it and they are proud of you dahil you provide for them. Minsan kasi we get caught up dahil sa pressure ng demands nila.. same as mine ganyan din ako yung tipong ang dami mo nang ginawa pero parang kulang at parang you are obliged kahit hindi naman