I cried almost a day! Did you believe that?

I cried almost a day! Did you believe that? Maybe you know the reason why I am crying. Trials keep on adding to my being and I don't know if I can still manage to fight but despite all of that I never question God why it happened because I know He's with me but you know thinking about the possible scenario makes me cried especially that I am a mom that I paranoid all the time. I'm sorry if my past articles are all sad and negative because that's what really happened to me nowadays and you know this platform serves as my online diary and also it's helps me to release the heavy feelings inside me.

Supposedly my follow up check up would be yesterday but when we went to the clinic the doctor is on his lunch break that's why I told the nurse that I will come back tomorrow. Earlier morning at 9 PM we went to the clinic. I am with my husband , my son and my niece and they waited for me while I am on the check up. The secretary gave a little container to me for my urinalysis. I went to the police station to pee because there's no comfort room in the clinic. I really don't know if there's no comfort room or they don't want patient to pee on thier comfort room.

After I give my urine sample to the nurse I waited for half an hour for the result because there's a few patient who came before me. The doctor asked me what's my feeling and I said that the pain in my right and left abdomen didn't gone and I also feel bloated. Then he told me that the infection got worst that's why I feel bloated. He requested for some ultrasound because maybe I have a kidney disease. He gave me the request paper and I will go for an ultrasound tomorrow morning and after that I will come back to his clinic. He also prescribed some medicine , a higher dose of antibacterial , a medicine for ulcer , nausea and vomit. I search those medicine in Google so that I knew what I am taking.

When we reach the house. My mood changed and all I want is to lay in bed. We eat our lunch and my husband asked me if I'm okay because I am looking at nowhere. My tears started to fall because thinking the idea that I have a kidney disease makes me worried so much.

I stayed in our room and my husband told the kids to behave and they sleep on the other room so that I can rest. My husband filed a leave for one week so that I can able to rest and it's very timing because I really need it.

When I am in the room alone , I cried and cried thinking about the future. Like what if I have a kidney disease and I will die. Who's the one who will take good care of my son. I am not afraid to die , just like what @Bloghound said , she's not afraid on the idea of death but she's afraid to die because of her daughter and I think mothers have the same feeling regarding that.

I cried and cried and also pray to God. I prayed for healing. God knows , I always praying for other and not me but this time I want to pray for my healing

It's 3 PM when I decided to go in the kitchen and my husband saw me crying and told me to be strong and don't overthink and he said later we will go outside and he will show me the creation of God and how God is so amazing. I cried again and I told him I only thinking about our son.

I even posted in noise.cash about how I feel and mommy @Pachuchay commented.

After I read her comments and also the comments of other I tried to stop myself from crying and then I take a bath.

5 PM when we went to my favorite spot when I stress. It's in the river side and we watch the sunset there and breath fresh air. The kids ride in the boat that is park in the riverside. We stayed there for half an hour and go home.

Tomorrow , I will go to the clinic for the abdomen ultrasound and I am praying that all will be okay. I am also asking for some prayers guys. I want to be well and healthy.