Ate,ate,ate.. Why always me?
Being the eldest means you need to be a role model for your younger siblings. Being the eldest means you need to be a helping hand when they need help. Being the eldest means the second parent of your siblings. I don't know why it's always on the eldest. How about us? Who's the one who would help us when we need a help? Who's our second parent? Who's my role model? Myself?
I am not anxious now. I just thought of this because of the messages that I recieved on my siblings this past few days..
Ate...
Ate...
Ate...
When I read this word on my messenger I know they need something. I am not expecting that they will chat me if I'm fine or how's my life going. It's a dream huhu. Usually when I saw that word they need something or they are asking something. And as an eldest I am very used to this kind of set up and I literally accepted the fact that this is my destiny.
Last Sunday in the middle of my anxiety the girlfriend of my youngest brother chatted me. Ate hinimatay po si utoy tapos pabalik balik po ang lagnat. Imagine I am in the middle of anxiety and then I recieved that chat. I really cared about my siblings but it's that just why always me? Why not on my other siblings, why not on my father, why not on my mother. Why me?
Then yesterday my sister went to Dingalan with his boyfriend. She leave my niece on my mothers welfare and said they will be the one who will pick up my niece but yesterdays afternoon my mother called me and said pick up my niece because my sister will going home late. My husband was annoyed that moment and he don't want to pick up my niece because my sister just leave the house and said they will be going somewhere but didn't said exactly where. We just find out that they went to Dingalan Aurora.
I told my mother that we can't pick up my niece and you know what it's like our fault pa. I was not in a mood yesterday and even posted on Facebook because my goodness. After all the good things I've done to them , ako na nag adjust sa kanilang lahat and still ako paba masama. What a life diba.
Then earlier my other brother chatted me and asked if he can borrow some money because my sister in-law will gave birth soon. Good thing I didn't withdraw my savings from my desktop yet and that's the one I send to him.
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Can you imagine what an eldest child feels? Hayssss. I have my own family and I have my own life too. I have side hustle online and I'm also busy on random things but despite of that they can reach me and help them if they need something but not all the time. Kaso kapag humindi ka ng isang beses parang ikaw pa masama agui.
Same feels, Ate. Though, that's fine with me naman coz I really want to provide for my sibs & Mama cannot do it all alone. Pero may times talaga na di maiwasang magtanong na, "ako na naman?" Kaya minsan, sinasabi ko sa kanila na wag asa nang asa. Kapag may opportunity na kumita, grab na kaagad para at least is may sarili pa din silang pera.
Kaya nga pinu-push ko din 'yung tablet nila kasi tuturuan ko na ng mga bagay-bagay, Ate. Hihi