Ate,ate,ate.. Why always me?

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2 years ago

Being the eldest means you need to be a role model for your younger siblings. Being the eldest means you need to be a helping hand when they need help. Being the eldest means the second parent of your siblings. I don't know why it's always on the eldest. How about us? Who's the one who would help us when we need a help? Who's our second parent? Who's my role model? Myself?

I am not anxious now. I just thought of this because of the messages that I recieved on my siblings this past few days..

Ate...

Ate...

Ate...

When I read this word on my messenger I know they need something. I am not expecting that they will chat me if I'm fine or how's my life going. It's a dream huhu. Usually when I saw that word they need something or they are asking something. And as an eldest I am very used to this kind of set up and I literally accepted the fact that this is my destiny.

Last Sunday in the middle of my anxiety the girlfriend of my youngest brother chatted me. Ate hinimatay po si utoy tapos pabalik balik po ang lagnat. Imagine I am in the middle of anxiety and then I recieved that chat. I really cared about my siblings but it's that just why always me? Why not on my other siblings, why not on my father, why not on my mother. Why me?

Then yesterday my sister went to Dingalan with his boyfriend. She leave my niece on my mothers welfare and said they will be the one who will pick up my niece but yesterdays afternoon my mother called me and said pick up my niece because my sister will going home late. My husband was annoyed that moment and he don't want to pick up my niece because my sister just leave the house and said they will be going somewhere but didn't said exactly where. We just find out that they went to Dingalan Aurora.

I told my mother that we can't pick up my niece and you know what it's like our fault pa. I was not in a mood yesterday and even posted on Facebook because my goodness. After all the good things I've done to them , ako na nag adjust sa kanilang lahat and still ako paba masama. What a life diba.

Then earlier my other brother chatted me and asked if he can borrow some money because my sister in-law will gave birth soon. Good thing I didn't withdraw my savings from my desktop yet and that's the one I send to him.

--

Can you imagine what an eldest child feels? Hayssss. I have my own family and I have my own life too. I have side hustle online and I'm also busy on random things but despite of that they can reach me and help them if they need something but not all the time. Kaso kapag humindi ka ng isang beses parang ikaw pa masama agui.

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Written by
2 years ago

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Same feels, Ate. Though, that's fine with me naman coz I really want to provide for my sibs & Mama cannot do it all alone. Pero may times talaga na di maiwasang magtanong na, "ako na naman?" Kaya minsan, sinasabi ko sa kanila na wag asa nang asa. Kapag may opportunity na kumita, grab na kaagad para at least is may sarili pa din silang pera.

Kaya nga pinu-push ko din 'yung tablet nila kasi tuturuan ko na ng mga bagay-bagay, Ate. Hihi

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2 years ago

May own family nadin kasi ako. Alam mo naman kung gaano ako kasipag rumaket kasi nga for our future. Tapos ayun minsan sa kanila lang napunta

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User's avatar Yen
2 years ago

I'm a middle child, growing I have seen how my family also relies on my elder brother even me. Not until he got married and have his own family now I know the path that he used to take as the eldest in the family, the pressure and obligations surely gives me frustration sometimes

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2 years ago

Kaya nga minsan Yung mga Panganay nag aasawa din para lang makatakas sa responsibility

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User's avatar Yen
2 years ago

Same feels but I always think of doing what I can so I don't have any regrets later on. I cannot always give too but I don't care what they will say. That's their problem not mine if they feel I am not giving enough. It's up for them to understand that I cannot always be there for them and vice versa. So just do what you can.

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2 years ago

Yeah. Hanggang kaya

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User's avatar Yen
2 years ago

I can somehow feel you that part. I'm not the eldest but since I am the one who has a better salary than them before, everytime they needed money they all run to me, and the sad part is when I said that I am currently broke they won't believe and they will feel offended as for them I am just being selfish. Like what??? Minsan ka lang tumanggi madamot at masama kana. Life sometimes isn't indeed fair.

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2 years ago

Exactly huhu

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User's avatar Yen
2 years ago

I feel you po! Though I'm not the eldest, I'm the breadwinner of our family. Minsan nakakapagod din na laging ako, but at the end of the day wala din tayong magawa kasi minsan it's not just about a responsibilities anymore, it's all about love that we have for them. Kaya natin yan ate! And God will always there for us kasi mapagbigay tayo, lagi ka Niyang eblebless pa.

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2 years ago

Yes I know. Salamat

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User's avatar Yen
2 years ago

Pag eldest kase, automatic na ang responsibility to stand up and take care of the younger sibs. Andaming expectations from you, pressure and everything. Isa sa toxic Asian culture yan. 🤷‍♀️

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2 years ago

Totoo Madam hays

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User's avatar Yen
2 years ago

Ganyan talaga life ng panganay miss yen. Ikaw talaga tinatakbuhan nila pag may kailangan kaya ako as panganay miss yen bigay ko talaga din lalo na pag mahalaga.

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2 years ago

Haysss Ganon ba talaga?

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User's avatar Yen
2 years ago

Same tayo miss yen panganay din kasi ako.

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2 years ago

Luhh grabe sobrang hirap pala maging panganay.. Buti nalang isa lang kapatid ko.. Siguro kakayanin ko naman I handle siya .. Hehe

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2 years ago

Depends Naman sa estado din ng pamilya Kasi. Broken family Kasi kami

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User's avatar Yen
2 years ago

Go lang po! Malalagpasan niyo din po yan..

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2 years ago

Ang hirap ate maging eldest. Tulad ngayon yung project nung kapatid ko, pinapagawa sa akin ay haha eh ayaw ko nga haha tapos yung cellphone rin jiya ako pa nag-abono tapos makasagot sagot sa akin walang utang na loob ay.

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2 years ago

Haysss Ganon ba talaga . Minsan nakakainis na no haha

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User's avatar Yen
2 years ago

Saklap madam.. Kaya minsan ako hndi nag oonline sa messenger pra iwas stress mababasa mga message 🤣.. Hayst..

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2 years ago

Sa totoo lang mga message sa messager ko puro unseen. Kaso dikolang matiis din sila

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User's avatar Yen
2 years ago

Ang hirap maging ate ,ako dati nung may trabaho pa ako ako ying takbuhan ng mga kapatid interms of money ,kahit ngayon kasi nahihiya na sila sa ate namin kay sa isang ate nalang lumalapit😅

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2 years ago

Naol may Isa pang ate sis hehe

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User's avatar Yen
2 years ago

Sad for you! Well I understand you.. sometimes it's not bad to say no. You need to explain to them na hindi lahat ng oras sayo lahat iaasa.

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2 years ago

Feel kita subra sa pagigimg ate sis. 🥺Hirap

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2 years ago

Haysss true momsh. Jusko.

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User's avatar Yen
2 years ago