Chapter 1 (Since I have no idea how long this is)
NEET, an acronym for "Not in Education, Employment, or Training", refers to a person who is unemployed and not receiving an education or vocational training. (Wikipedia)
There are many reasons why a person became a NEET and I am sharing one of those.
I had been a NEET for 5 yrs. before I was force to enter college again at the age of 27. Yes I am one of those people who others called a parasite. You ask if I am ashamed or not? I can honestly say that I am already passing at the point of caring. I often wonder if someone stabs me with a knife would it hurt.
And I want to mention this part as it is very important.
Not all NEET have good life and came from a rich background.
My original plan was to lay low and die at the age of 30 but it all change when I was force to go to College again. (There’s a myth that dying at the age of 30 will gave you a high chance of reincarnating)
You ask if I hate college. No I don’t but it’s just annoying. Weird enough while I don’t like interacting to people I find myself looking down on them. I often wonder why an ultimate inferiority complex person like me has the guts to look down on other people when I am technically useless and worthless.
My family thinks it was a good Idea for me to study again but for me it doesn’t matter just a change of plan. From dying at the age of 30 it’s not that bad to die after I graduate or not. I am way past to the point of being depress with my life. It has long been empty and having the feeling of pain is such a luxury for me.
If I can measure my confidence with temperature it would be way below freezing point. While I can still speak normally to other people but taking some responsibilities is very difficult for me.
Before I continue this, Don’t get me wrong I am not sharing this to gain sympathy but just want to write about this story of my life to share to people that we do exist and does not live that long.
Well I manage to graduate at college but it did not gave me a normal life instead it made it worse. The odd thing about going back to college again is that everything in college became dull and ordinary. It is no different than watching your favorite series on TV. But when it comes to making friends. That became impossible due to the age gap. I am older than most of the student that I can’t catch up with this new generation way of thinking. Like watching movies I watch my classmate who’s age is younger than me as they gather and have friends and became a group. I wasn’t bully or I think I was not but I have unconsciously put an invincible barrier between me and them. While they can approach me normally but starting a conversation and getting to know each other is almost impossible.
Because I was a NEET I don’t like hanging out or going to certain places with other people. So from school I always return back to my house where my sanctuary is. So while the so called classmates bond with each other and hangout after class is over I often deny or reject their invitation until they got tired of inviting me and left me alone.
Another odd thing about this college life is everyone thinks I am smart. Does wearing a pair of glasses make one smart? I mean I am on my late 20’s and I am living a dull and useless life how come I am a smart person to other people? Yet I never failed a grade not even once. With an average grade above the passing score, I manage to maintain such results until I graduated. The school I enrolled is what you might call a technical school where you can pass as long as you pay their tuition so it’s not that surprising. Education is such a joke at this point of time. Yes school that pays to graduate is real and they do exist. They don’t care of what will happen to the students after graduating.
I took IT because I want to save my good old PC. No one told me how to fix PC and I learned not a single thing on how to fix a pc at that school. Instead I was coding this and coding that. I often have this urges to flip a table. I can’t say this course is bad but it’s just way to random. Yes the course IT takes to many sub branches and unless you can choose one to master it is very hard to accommodate.
Still I barely pass it. (Should I include a story of my college life?)
Sadly I finish college and this pandemic explodes which was a blessing in disguise and further delay my dying plan. While the others hate this thing called COVID19, I prayed every day to have one because I learn that if you die with this sickness you get a free cremation. I long gave up having a decent burial so having something free is not bad. But my prayers were never heard or answered and weird enough I had been healthy which made me doubt if this so called COVID19 was even real.
Maybe because I am not a religious type of person but I can say that prayer is not real at this point of time. (No offense that is just how I felt at that time)
After the end of 2020 I long gave up the possibility of me getting such illness especially now that they have found a so called cure.
So my original plan was to die after graduation but it was extended for a year. But life is full of ups and down at the early of January 2021 I got kick out from house.
To be continue…
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