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Don't bother about what they think, just accept yourself

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Written by   165
1 month ago

PUBLISHED: JUNE 24, 2022 TIME: 4:34 PM PST ARTICLE #: 141

When I was young, I was taught the proper behavior expected of a young lady. I already know what I want when I'm seven years old. Garter, Piko, and even Barbie are toys that I avoid. The cryptic dolls that my grandmother gives me are always displayed on the top of our durabox, and I never play with them. As a child, my mother would often tell me off for playing "tumbang preso" with my friends. My parents would criticize me for how I interacted with other kids when I got home after playing with some of my childhood friends. Dad advised me to go to church and re-join the choir instead. They said that in this manner, I may be able to change.

I attempted to modify my ways and listened to my parents' advice. They also send me to a Catholic school, claiming that I am having a negative influence on my primary school. But, to be honest, while I studied there, my head and heart opened up a lot more. I grew more open to other students, and happily, I found a group of friends that value me as a person. They are the ones that back me up whenever my parents inquire how I am doing at that school. I also recall them telling my parents that I had become a muse in our intramurals, but since my parents believed them right away, they didn't ask for photos.

Some people have the misconception that the pupils who attend Catholic schools are generous and honest, but to tell you the truth, this is not the case at all. There are those of us who are even more wicked than the students who attend those public institutions.

After studying there for a total of four years, I can now conclude that there are certain aspects of it that caused me an excessive amount of mental suffering. There are moments when I am the target of bullying, and I also have a lot of other problems to deal with. The topics themselves are not just discouraging but also unenjoyable as well.

My college years were the moment in my life when I became more forthright about both my identified sexuality and my personality. This was also the time when I came to terms with my sexuality. I have informed my parents that I have been seeing the same female for the last two years, but they do not approve of our arrangement. They warned me that they would stop caring about me if I did not end my relationship with her. Due to the fact that I am still living with my parents, I once again followed them and felt miserable about my girlfriend. I had the want to defend her, yet at that same time I was also experiencing feelings of depression. I'm not sure whether this persona is entirely me or if it's simply the result of me being affected by my environment.

After our relationship ended, my ex-girlfriend, who I had believed would be someone I could adore for the rest of my life, pleaded with me to not invalidate the emotions I had for myself. Yes, we are still young at that time, but she told me that she may still be right there waiting for me. She advised me that if I did not face my truth, I would continue to harbor resentment for the rest of my life. To tell you the truth, I am aware of the things that actually excite me; nevertheless, due to the influence of my parents, I lack self-assurance in those areas. As soon as I am free and able to exhibit my true self without fear, my parents will stop treating me as their daughter, which is something that I really want to avoid.

The state of my life right now is quite disheartening. I truly wanted to be confident in who I am, but there's a part of me that doesn't want my parents to be upset if they find out the truth about me. Since I am their only child, I am well aware that their love for me is unending. But I'm so sick of trying to assimilate to this culture where I don't really feel like I belong, and it's driving me crazy. It seems as though life has taken a turn for the worst. I just have to keep telling myself that I'll be able to handle anything comes my way in the next world that I live. And I wish that I could have parents that love me even more...

FIN

Photo by SHVETS production from Pexels

This was the last entry that was made in the journal that belonged to my ex-girlfriend. After her memorial service 5 years ago, her mother handed it to me as a keepsake. To this day, I feel sorry for my ex-girlfriend since she was unable to free herself from the situation she was in. I also feel so awful for her parents since I know how much they regret what transpired with their daughter Kara. In addition, there is a part of me that is filled with sorrow since I was not able to fight for her or allow her to display the real side of her character.

For anybody reading this who is suffering with the same issue, please keep in mind that you are the only one who can know yourself completely and accurately. Find your own stars to follow if the actions you are doing in do not bring you delight. It is critical for your identity development that you disclose your sexual orientation to the people in your immediate circle. Understand that you are a common person who is capable of living a very fulfilling life. Embrace who you are and do not allow people to control your body and your preferences.


The narrative above is purely based on my wild creative mind. I'm bringing this up because a good buddy of mine has asked me for advise on his sexuality. We've seen him as pan, but every time I tell him about it, he acts as though he's not confident enough to display his real colors. As a friend, I informed him that even if it takes a long time for him to embrace who he is, I would always be there for him.

Anyways, thank you for stopping by to this article guys!

< Lead image was from by RODNAE Productions from Pexels and edited on Canva. >

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Comments

Muntik na akong maibenta, Ate pero buti knows na kita. Hihi! Anyways ~ I am one of the bis there, I mean napapalibutan ako ng mga friends ko na member ng LGBTQA+. And before, most of them is patago talagang pinapakita 'yung totoo nilang sexuality. Their common reasons? Takot maitakwil. Well, that's understandable kasi di naman lahat is malawak ang pag-iisip about this. Pero now that were in a modern era naman na, maybe it's time for them to normalize accepting other sexualities. Para mas happy ang life divaaa? 🤗

$ 0.00
1 month ago

We are the one who knows ourselves even more, we aren't perfect and so they are

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1 month ago

No one knows more than I know myself, we aren't perfect and so they are

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1 month ago

Nako akala ko ikaw na eh, nahuli mo ko don ah. Pero true yan, andami pa ding mga tao na hirap magcome out dahil takot maitakwil or di matanggap ng pamilya. Kaya minsan yung iba angtagal matanggap sa sarili, kasi pinipilit pa dn nila maging tuwid. Yung iba tinatanggap na lang ng family kasi nagiging provider. ugh!!

Akala ko nga noon liliko na dn ako eh kasi mga bestfriends ko bi. Sabi ko baka ganun na dn kapalaran ko, pero di pala kaya ng kaluluwa ko nyihihi

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1 month ago

Aigoooo buti di ka naging bi ses. Kung wala ka lil B siguro e iisipin ko nga bi ka or lesbi noon eh.

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1 month ago

Nako lagi na nga napagkakamalan eh. Mas pinagkakamalan pa ako kesa sa mga bespren kong totoong bi, kasi pati porma ko boyish talaga. Nagattempt dn ako noon kasi baka kako yun ang kapalaran ko kaya failed mga relationships ko noon. Pero di ko pa dn kaya HAHAHAHAHA, di ko maimagine tumikim ng seafood

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1 month ago

ahahaah natawa ako sa seafood. wala e, hakdog talga bet mo no wahaha

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1 month ago

Legit allergic ako sa seafood HAHAHAHA. Wala pa ding tatalo sa hakdog charooot!

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1 month ago

Ahahahahahaaha natural na natural tayo sis ah haahhaa

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1 month ago

You got me; I thought it was real. That is how the picture of best writings convinces your reader it was then boom comes the natured, haha. I cannot say much about the 3rd and 4th gender. It feels like I am not the right person to talk things to them.

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1 month ago

Thank you very much! I do appreciate it. When it comes to other sexualities, I just do talk about it when I need to. I have lots of gay friends and they are just so awesome and lovely.

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1 month ago

Akala ko talaga sayo langga tong story nato kaya medyo naguluhan ako habang nagbabasa. Dapat walang discrimination langga. Whoever they are they are still ham and deserve to be respected.

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1 month ago

Ahahaha alam mo naman ako ate mahilig ako gumawa ng kwento talaga hahaha para may maiblog eh pero fiction yan hehee may hugot lang.

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1 month ago

Nakakalungkot lang na takot mag come out yong iba dahil da family din nila where ito dapat yong unang tatanggap sa kanila. Aigooo, ganon ata talaga hindi lahat open minded na kayang tanggapin kunh anomang kasarian ng anak nila. Mahirap naman talaga ee pero sana naman no, aigooi.

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1 month ago

Nako using uso yang ganyang sa mga teens. Sabi ko nga sa comment ko sa baba, maski ung kapatid ko hirap maging confident kasi ung father namin ma strict tlga at ayaw nila na gay ung brother ko. Tapos pag sinabing gay, haru jusko daming discrimination.

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1 month ago

Aigoooo, kawawa sila kasi kahit gusto nila talaga di magawa. Kaka isip mandin ee na dedepress ka. Aigoooi, buti kapatid ko tanggap na tamggap namin. Ayaw lang ng mama na pag suotin ng dress hahahahaha

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1 month ago

Ayyy gay din kapatid mo be? Ung kapatid ko nag ladlad na sya pero sya ung typical gay na maskulado tlga hehehe.

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1 month ago

Yes yes hahaha, di sya nagladlad pero halata na talaga ee kahit nong bata palang sya hahahaha.

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1 month ago

Ok lng un wait natin time na kapag tinanong natin sila, di na sila mahihiya sabihin ano tlga oríentation nila.

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1 month ago

Sexuality shouldn't be a think we argue about at some point in my life, I had stop being interested in men and sort for comfort with ladies. I see it as something normal .

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1 month ago

There is nothing wrong about it dear. I also attached to some ladies but I know what I most prefer gender.

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1 month ago

😳😳😳😳

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1 month ago

Kala ko syo..naconfused ako kc db may son kna? 😅. My sister is a Bi and I am fine with that..my family too..in fact, her gf stayed at home for a few months last year. It was their first meet-up. Her gf is from Nueva Ecija and traveled to Samar just to meet my sister... How sweet it was right? They are still young but already found love. Gladly, my father who was once strict with us and didn't disapprove her true sexuality...

I can also feel that my boss's daughter is a Bi as she likes female celebrities and has never been into boys 😅

There shouldn't be discrimination here. Regardless of sexuality, they are still human that need to be respected.

$ 0.01
1 month ago

Wow ang swerte ate jane ng kapatid mo at tinanggap agad. Actually, my younger brother din is showing a sign of pagiging silahis din kaso di niya pa dini disclose yung pinaka sexuality niya. Dati kasi nung medyo bata pa sya eh kinakahiya sya ng dad namin pero now mukang okay na eh, dahil tahimik na si papa. So for me, prone tlga ung discrimination sa mga teens kaya lalo silang naguguluhan sa sexual orientation nila.

Ito ba ate ung binigyan mo ng dolphin na keychain? ilang taon na un ate? Well okay lang naman siguro sa parents niya?

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1 month ago