My Insecurities!! A new Prompt!!
Hello my lovelies.. good evening one and all.. Is it just me or is anybody screaming internally from the fact that we have dark mode now in Read?? Whatever device I held or used up until now, I have used them in dark more, for one, it looks aesthetically pleasing and number 2, it is easy on eyes. Back to today's topic, I thought to be vulnerable with you all today and share my biggest insecurities with you. I do not have many, as I'm being a person who do not give one friks about society or what people think about me. I do not go out or talk to people.. I like dark, I like paranormal and thus people call me weird and mysterious all the time and never one time it bothered me as I have stone in the place of a heart lol.. But I do have a girl inside deep deep layers of heart and I do have certain insecurities from it.. I'm going to share with you about them which I never did with anyone else, including my husband and Mom...
My Eyes:
I will get straight to the point.. My eyes is/was and going to be my biggest insecurity EVER.... EVEEEEER...
WHY???? You might look at the above pic and say, what the eff are you talking about..... well, Here's why
I was born with an eye power of (-13.5) in both eyes, which means ever since I remember, I was wearing glasses.. not those stylish, thin colorful glasses but those of very thick ones... I will show you a pic
Look at that 5 year old child with heavy thick frame and glasses taking a stupid award for what? looking stupid? or being born with an eye issue? I hated myself and STILL DO for being born with a disability like that which I cannot see the world if I cannot wear my glasses and everything goes blur, out of vision. I can see a shape talking to me but I cannot tell who's talking if I can't recognize their voice. Because of this issue that I was born with without having any control over it, I was called names.. other kids used to make fun of me... every single year, every classs I went, every tution I joined, every school I changed, one thing was common... people calling me "Soda bottle eyes..... Soda bottle eyes..."
I never cried about it though, because why cry? it is not like I can mend it or change it or reverse it right? I was born with it.. what can I do? but the comment "Soda bottle" was pretty much imprinted on my brain that nobody can/will erase it and I have to live with it as long as I live... I spent many years talking to God, why do I have to have this? my brother was born to same parents, he did not wear glasses even once in his life, then why me??? I guess we never know..
Whenever people meet me online, the first compliment I ever receive will always be "Oh my God, you have beautiful eyes" from both men and women, am not even exaggerating but I got to liste to that at least a 100 times by a 100 people by now... I laugh cry holding my mobile phone in my hands thinking about the irony of that situation.. I immediately tell them that I wear contact lenses as you can see the blue ones I was wearing in the above selfie of my eyes.. Many people have been supportive while many even called me fake for wearing what? lenses? lol... but if I do not wear them, are they leaving me? they are calling me other names... duhhh.. so I don't even bother about it anymore except I have a balance sheet issue to argue with God when I go up there...
My Hair
You might be confused.. how hair could be an insecurity, but it is for me. Growing up, because of my beautiful Mom's and dad's DNA, I had very long thick wavy hair that touched my thighs and I still remember these words yelled by my Mom "Sit straight, time is running out, ughhh I can't with your hair" .. hahaha, this was when she used to do my hair exactly 5 minutes before me leaving for my school.. I always used to wear braids and that's my school's rule and hence, it used to take at least 10 mins to detangle my super long frizzy hair and it was a pain for me to sit and co-operate when my mom was pulling it very hard... she always advised me to never leave it open and always apply oil and keep it in braids to keep hair safe. And people used to touch my hair, hold it and envy it up and down like it's their business saying "bro, is this hair or anaconda??"
Their comments used to hurt me as my Mom never allowed to cut my hair and I actually could not recognize that was actually a compliment as I always wanted to have short silky hair and leave it open. But by the year 2001, I slowly started to lose it as I tested positive for thyroid and 12 years down the drain, by 2012, my pregnancy and typhoid fever made me lose 3/4th of my hair. Sometimes when I'm alone, I sit quietly in my bedroom and wonder about the days I had thick long hair without hair fall issues and my hair was growing like weed. Now I have hair thinning issues at top and almost feel like I'm going bald at top which scares me but I do not show my feelings on my face... Nahh.. never.. that is not Sagittarius energy right there... we very well cover it and always try to be positive towards others and make them laugh lol..
Because I have been way more depressed in past and have been suicidal for couple of times too.. and as a person who have gone through thousands of opinions, let me just say "At the end of the day, It does not even matter.. what actually matters, is how YOU feel about YOURSELF" ... So, the most important thing to remember is to love yourself, appeal yourself, impress yourself, look cute to yourself... It all had become so easy on me once I accepted myself and my insecurities as part of me instead of fighting them... and yes, my glasses are me, my hair fall is me.. This is me... beautiful me... Unique me...
I just wanted to share my story with you all today and Please take this as a new prompt and write about your insecurities ONLY if you want to.. No pressure absolutely... And let's be positive towards users who shared it... let's type some nice comments for them to uplift them :)) Go write your stories with the hashtag #Myinsecurities and include "Myinsecurities" in the "Topics" section while writing your posts so that I can find them all in one place and I will upvote a couple of them surprisingly as part of Secret Santa :)) ... Remember to add this in your topics, otherwise I cannot find your blogs.... Let's celebrate our Insecurities..
Thank you spons :)
Yours bloggingly
I've read this prompt through yen and I have to read the prompt maker hihi. I made one as well for this prompt since I haven't written for long, thank you for it.
By the ma'am your eyes is too beautiful with or without lenses. You look like a celebrity in our country and you are very beautiful.