Self-Care Isn't Selfish

I've been watching a series this past few days and I've got to say, what it lacks in picture quality, it well makes up for in the lessons it teaches. Maybe one of these days, I'll write a review, but that day isn't today. One of the biggest lesson in the movie came in the form of a rebuke of the main character by a friend.

The main character is that kind of a person who is always trying to help people deal with their problems, no matter how big it is, or how detrimental it might be to him.

Today, for those of us who are fortunate to be blessed with the kind of parents to do so, growing up, we are taught such virtues as we should hold dear in our lives. Some of these virtues include giving, kindness, rendering help, putting others above and before ourselves etc. These virtues are great in and of themselves, but their application can cause quite a stir.

Growing up in my father's house was quite an experience. I am the second child in a house of five children, but I am the first son. If you're an African, you'd understand there's a premium placed on the first son position. It comes with a responsibility of a parent; you're like the third parent in the house. As such, I was always expected to be the adult, the one who understood the situation of things. Our finances wasn't at a good place then, so not every need or want was met. Being the responsible son who understood, I always kept my needs and wants to myself, I never asked for anything other than the food I ate. It was so much that the first textbook I bought in my secondary school days, came during the last term of the last year and it was bought with my own personal money that I made by running a call center.

Looking back today, if you ask me whether I regret it, I can't give a definitive answer, cos I know how my life would have turned out different if some of my wants and needs then had been met. So yes, there are days I'm happy I didn't, and there are days I wish I did.

Why the story? I'm trying to let you see how being loving, caring, kind and understanding cost me quite a lot in life. I could be living a different live and story right now if I wasn't so bent on looking out for other members of my family other than myself. Even today, I still do it; I still put my friends and family before myself, h*ll, I've even put random strangers before myself in certain circumstances.

I know I'm not the only one. But, it's high time people like that learn that, while it's okay to look out for others and care for them, you have to do the same for yourself. It's okay to help people, but not so much at your own detriment. It isn't selfishness, it's self-care. You ought to take care of yourself first and foremost, cos that's what's best for everyone. It's for the same reason firemen don't just run into a fire until they're well kitted.

It's not selfishness cos, if you break down or something happens to you, you won't be there to take care of this people anymore. The ill-equipped fireman who rushes into a fire to rescue a baby will get hurt and probably die alongside the baby. Self-care doesn't just benefit you, but the people you love and want to care for.

This is something I tell new mothers. Catering for a newborn after the stress of carrying him or her for nine months and delivery can be both physically and mentally overwhelming at some point. When that time comes, find a relative to watch over your child for a few days and take a break. You might call this reckless or selfish, but it's for the better,for you and the child. It will all low you to refresh, hence to be able to take better care of the child. This applies to any possible scenario you can come up with.

Conclusion

It's a beautiful thing to have a heart of gold, that always helps and looks out for others. But, it's important that you also look out for yourself too, even if it sometimes means leaving someone behind in their mess. You need to learn to put yourself first. You don't have to save everyone, every time, sometimes the best you can do is to save yourself. Self-Care isn't selfishness.

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