They want to Break Free and I couldn't do anything about it.

Date: August 3,2022
Author: Sequoia

I can still vividly recall how I got my first zit in my face back when I was just 12 years old. If I remembered it right, I was in my first year of high school at that time when I felt that something painful sprouted on my forehead.

It was just a small, reddish yet soring bump. But as a kid who doesn't give a d*mn care about what zits or pimples are, I decided to neglect it and continued doing my tasks for that day. Everything went fine actually, not until I woke up the next morning.

The small bump turned into a massive and super painful one with a white liquid or pus in the center part of it. I couldn't touch my forehead because it felt like my whole forehead area was swollen up.

And mind you, I am not exaggerating the things here. It was indeed so gut-wrenching that I almost wanna cry. Okay, that was a bit dramatic, I just called my mom and she just advised me to not touch it because it was normal and there's nothing to be anxious about.

As a very submissive kid, I followed her advice and my day went extremely fine. Of course, it's not what happened! Dzuh! The moment she told me to never touch it, I did the opposite of what she said. Of course, I was curious and wondered why would she refrain me from touching my own face and own bump.

I thought that it will just go away after how many days but ended up the other way around. From one big zit to two, three, four, so on and so forth. The day came that I developed insecurities and started comparing myself to other girls with the same age as me.

Why do they have clear skin?

Why does it feel like I was cursed?

Why is the world so unfair to me?

Those were just a few of the questions that I kept on throwing at myself which eventually leads me to lose my self-confidence. From then on, I would do anything just to hide my ugly and rough face.

It was a tough journey and it took me 4 years before I finally accepted myself. I've experienced all kinds of bullying and being mocked by the people around me just because of my skin condition and my body as well. Body and face shaming at its finest.

I am just glad that there are people who helped me take back my confidence. Slowly, I started to accept myself and my imperfections. I surrounded myself with people who genuinely cared for me and contribute to my self-love.

It was indeed a strenuous journey but with the help of the right people, I was able to empower myself and realized that my physical appearance would never define me as a person. I am more than my skin and body. I am more than what other people are throwing at me.

I may be imperfect and succumb to flaws, but those are the things that made me who I am today. Still, I am grateful to the people who belittled and insulted me because they were the first ones who encouraged me to do better in life. It is indeed true that you cannot control other people and force them to like you. That is the reason why we should choose wisely the people we allow to enter our lives.

I still have pimples all over my face but I no longer feel ashamed of it. In fact, I even flaunt it. Just like today, I am having breakouts again. But instead of hiding it, I am just letting my face be exposed to the judging stare of mariteses and Karens.

Life is too short to care about what other people will say about you. Ignore them and start living the life that you want to have. Cause no matter what you do, they will always have something to say against you.

This time, I am asking you to please, prioritize and love yourself darling. Happiness suits you well.