Remembering Sunday

Have you ever cheat? Not in quiz or exams but to your boyfriend or girlfriend? I'm not really proud of this because cheating is bad, I know it but we have a saying in the Philippines na "Kung alin pa yong bawal, yon pa ang masarap gawin." Haha, I'm not talking about that hot and wild thing that you are thinking about. It is just a normal cheating, wait there is no such thing talaga but, ah just let me just share it to you, lol.

I know some in my school who already did that. She even share her story to us and I was like, wow she's that proud of it I can't believe it. I call her different names in my mind but I never thought that I will also do it. I mean, I also cheat and I feel so bad but at the same time it's just feel great, ang gulo diba? Lol.

But seriously speaking, you can't really call it cheating because we didn't really had a relationship, I mean ako lang ang umasa but him, hmmm. Anyway, it was high school days. My gosh, looking back I did really a lot of bad things in the past.

Anyway, back to the story. I have a boyfriend that time, let's call him Neo. Not really in personal but in Text lang. We met in a Clan, we are both a member. We're in a relationship for like a months but we still didn't see each other. I can't remember why but I think he doesn't have an account in facebook that time. While me, I had it already but I don't use is often coz I'd rather spend my money in load than to go to computer shop.

So, our only communication was in texting and no other means like on call. I always have a load and never run out of it. That time load and text mate is enough for me to ease my boredom aside from reading pocketbooks. Just texting and no calling, my Mom is strict so I don't really answer calls to anyone except also when I'm in school. But seriously, I seldom answer calls coz I hate talking. I just want my hands to do the talking.

I also become addict in texting you know. My hands is aching from too much desire on typing on my keypad if all of my text mate are busy. All I was is to just text, even when our Teacher was in front teaching, my eyes was in my teacher my my mind and my hands was busy thinking of what to reply and typing on my phone. I just can't stop myself seriously.

So Neo was busy, I don't remember it much but he's busy in school, some project or whatever it is. While me, I am on our store giving aide to my Mom there. I can't really hold my cellphone when I'm home but I can still find a way. One time, I was inside in the kitchen when I heard someone buying a load. I took a peek in our divider with some holes as a design to it and I saw my crush, UwU let's call him L.

Mom asked for his number and he recite it loudly. And off course me, who is isa't kalahating malandi, I immediately get my phone in my pocket and type his number into it and then saved! 😎. Easy peasy, I am so thankful that time because my Mom's has an E-Loading business lol, actually that is not the first time I save a number from her costumer, hehh 🤭. Some of them reply but some didn't.

So, I save his number and I decided to text him that night. And omooo, he text back agad imagine the kilig. That time, I forget that I already have a boyfriend and continue texting with him. My mind fly so high and daydream a beautiful dream where he is my prince and I am his princess, lol. I have unlimited imagination that's why it's easy for me to create a scene in my mind.

I give him a different name and I didn't told my real name my gosh, no way, there's no way I can do that. Malandi man ito sa text, may hiya pa rin ako, chorr lol. This happen also to one of our costumer, but let's not talk about that lol. So we become instant text mate. I start to ignore my bf text, I'm not happy na with him anymore. If i'm a boy and you're my friend that time, I will allow you to call me a douchebag because I really am, but am not proud of it.

Later on, L told me that he has a girlfriend already. Well, I didn't feel anything much after of what he said, I was just like "Ah, Okay." We still text each other but I started to you know avoid him. I mean I don't text him na that much just a greetings and so. My crush for him suddenly vanished, tho he didn't show any sign naman na he likes me so I don't have the right to feel betrayed or hurt. We're just a text mate and nothing more, but I see him in different light.

I totally stop texting L in the end. And I broke up with my boyfriend. I don't feel butterflies on my stomach anymore, I don't feel the fire burning on my cheeks when he calls me baby so I decided to end it, good thing he agreed into it.

I didn't really cheat to Neo because L and me never really had a relationship. It is just a simple text mate relationship, a casual relationship no monkey business and just pure friendliness that's what L felt for me I'm sure. After that breakup with Neo I still look for a lot of text mate because, it become my happiness. I mean I can get the attention I want and that's more important to me.

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When I feel that my boyfriend don't spend much time to me anymore, the only solution I will do was to text my other text mate and get the attention that I want. I'm an attention seeker you see, even if it's fake I will still grab it.

That was me, when I was in High School. I also said it in my recent article but, the love and care that I didn't feel to my family I will get it to my text mates. Because to them, I never failed in getting it.

I can't really find the sense of this story but, I hope you still read it. It was one of thw story of my Life. And the title, It was actually a title of a song that was sang by a band All Time Low.

I'm not coming back (forgive me)
I've done something so terrible
I'm terrified to speak (I'm not calling, I'm not calling)
But you'd expect that from me
I'm mixed up, I'll be blunt, now the rain is just (You're driving me crazy, I'm)
Washing you out of my hair and out of my mind
Keeping an eye on the world,
From so many thousands of feet off the ground, I'm over you now
I'm at home in the clouds, and towering over your head

-- All Time Low

February 19, 2021

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