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Morbid and Grizzly Thoughts of Parotchie You know, sometimes when I'm alone- errr, I forget, "You're always alone Ruffa, and that's your choice, so buzz off!" Anyway, when I'm alone and my phone is not with me (it's charging) I have a lot of thought in my mind, it was mixed of daydreaming, morbid thoughts, foods, life, and foods and foods and off course YOU 🌶️ - I love foods, you already know that right? Lol. Sometimes I feel like I'm crazy because I have a lot of you know, in my mind. Sometimes I really talk to myself na din, though I don't talk loudly. But anyway, do you think if morbid things sometimes? As in, it will just suddenly appear in your mind. Like for example, when I'm crossing the road a thought will just popped up in my mind, "*What if while crossing, a truck suddenly appear while running in full speed and I was hit. And then my head fell off from my body and my blood was all over the road, it was scattered everywhere*." I don't know why I have this thought. Buti sana if the thought was just all about me but it's not, because sometimes even my Moms was the subject. When Mommy want to walk walk because she want to exercise. I will not go with her because she wants to go alone and we will just let her. While she's walking away from me, a thought will start to pop up again, "*What if she was suddenly hit by a car and get into accident? What if she make it but she become bedridden?"* This kind of thought that is really morbid. After that thought, I will just hit my mouth because I feel like I'm wishing it to happen, but I'm not. I'm just anxious and afraid that something might happen to her, I'm worried. Even when I'm just taking a nap in the afternoon. I'm looking at the ceiling and then suddenly, a morbid thought again. "*What if the roof suddenly struck by a flying trees and the roof fell on my body and I was stuck on my bed with that heavy thing on my body. Will I die in suffocation? I don't do exercise so I'm sure I won't last an hour here*." You just want to sleep but sometimes you can't fall asleep that fast that's why a lot of strange thought is coming on my head, aigooo. And because I love my smartphone sometimes, I also have a thought about that. Actually I like to put my smartphone to my bed when I'm sleeping. But I'm afraid to put it there like if I'm going somewhere. I should put it on my dura box first before I'll go somewhere. Because I have this thought on my mind, "*What if suddenly, an earthquake land on our place, what if my phone got broken because of those things that fall - from brick to, to a pipe or the lumber*." It's really weird, it's like I'm afraid that it might happen at dahil advance ako mag isip, ayon lol. I feel anxious sometimes because of this thoughts of mine coz, What if these suddenly come to life and happen in real world, the what? But, so far to a thousand thought that I already think. None of them happened to us in real life, coz after all it is just a morbid thought. But this is not the only thought that I can think, because I have more that is more gruesome and ghoulish. I feel like I'm in a horror theme like movie, like in some scene on the movie "Saw" and "Final Destination." And another one is these, when for example I'm in a high place. I can't help myself from thinking these thoughts like "*What if, accidentally I fell into this high place? Would it be look like on the movie where a lot of blood will come out on my head because of the impact of my fall. Or what if before my body touch the ground, ee sasabit muna sa kung saan saan. What if there's a steel on the ground with a very sharp tip? It will struck on my body at tatagos sa dibdib hanggang likod*?" Is this weird or what? For sure you have this thought too sometimes no? -- My thoughts and my weird mind. 😂🌶️🤦

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